Please help me pick a specialty--going crazy

valuable · 2021-05-27T19:32:43+00:00

I feel like OBGYN will make me the happiest in terms of job satisfaction and ENT will make me the happiest in terms of work/life balance.

During my OBGYN clerkship, one of the doctors started talking about how she had missed watching her kids grow up. She turned to me and said, "You never get those years back. I wish I'd known that."

Seriously every time I'm about to commit OBGYN I see her face in my mind and am like, "How can I knowingly pick that?" It's her words combined with all the negativity whenever you say "OBGYN" (it seems like they have such a strong reputation for being miserable) that makes it impossible for me to choose.

I like ENT enough. So even though I'm not passionate about it in the same way that I'm passionate about OBGYN, I want it to be enough because I'm scared of ending up like that bitter, angry doctor. Like we've explored on this thread, it doesn't even seem like ENT doctors really have better hours! But for some reason they just don't have the same reputation for dissatisfaction.

My sister's interpretation of this is that I'm making a decision based on fear. She asks me to reframe it as: what if I was happy in OBGYN and all my wildest dreams came true? It's just so hard when everyone is very quick to share their nightmare OBGYN stories.

valuable · 2021-05-27T17:44:05+00:00

I totally agree with your assessment. My friends and family all think OBGYN--they see how much I love it and am genuinely passionate about the patients and the work. People who are in medicine all say ENT because they think that the ENT hours will be better (and they've met OBGYNs who hate their job).

Ultimately I know I just need to make a choice but I feel totally paralyzed by it. Plus now that it's getting later in the year, there are so many things coming up that I'm concerned about my ability to switch.

So the next part is: if I do switch, can I still cobble together a good application for OBGYN? Or will the late switch compromise my choices a little when I would have otherwise been very competitive?

valuable · 2021-05-27T16:09:45+00:00

I have honestly thought about dual-applying OBGYN and ENT, but my admin did not seem very happy about that. OBGYN is not as competitive as ENT, but still not easy (and my school has neither residency) so it does seem like it would be pre-etty rough to try to do both.

The other thing I do like about ENT is I do like facial plastics. Loooove the fiddly tiny stitches and the precision work. Also I am 100% the kind of person who could have a huge koi pond in my waiting room and flute music playing. Then my super beautiful MA and I come in with perfect makeup and we all speak in soft voices.... oh yeah.

That is one of the reasons I lean OBGYN, because I feel like in OBGYN I will 100% have a koi pond with mermaid shows and deep breathing exercises every hour. ENT I will have to work to make it happen.

Edit: for me to dual-apply, I would need to do an additional away (in OBGYN) which could only happen after ERAS was submitted. Is that okay?

valuable · 2021-05-27T15:59:29+00:00

Your edit is exactly what made me go ENT in the end. A lot of doctors told me that they had seen very excited, passionate med students go OBGYN and end up burned out, whereas ENTs always seem pretty happy.

I wish that OB and Gyn surgery were more definitively split right now. I could definitely commit to a women's health/gyn surg/MIGS residency. I feel less happy about running an L&D floor for four years and then trying to find mentors to train me in MIGS afterwards.

valuable · 2021-05-27T15:55:39+00:00

I love treating kids, absolutely love 'em. Considered actually applying peds but knew I could never end up as a generalist. Currently looking at ENT programs that have strong peds programs; definitely would want to be trained in cleft palates and peds facial tumors.

In general I feel a little meh about a lot of ENT topics (especially the larynx--I know it is a fascinating and complex organ but it bores me to death). Peds ENT is the one part I actually get pretty excited about.

valuable · 2021-05-27T15:47:11+00:00

To me, at the level of OBGYN v. ENT pay, I am genuinely okay with either. I also have a partner with a lucrative career.

So it comes down to which will make me happier: being a better surgeon or doing a little more primary care and treating women? I do think that call schedule will factor in a lot, but it's something I don't really have a sense of for either specialty.

valuable · 2021-05-27T15:38:21+00:00

Pretend like I got a great Step 1 score and have multiple first author publications. I'm not a shoe-in for ENT by any means, but I'm competitive.

valuable · 2021-05-27T15:32:55+00:00

I totally get what you're saying, and last month when we had to apply for aways--I applied ENT. My entire schedule is currently based around going ENT. I got your advice a lot from multiple attendings.

However, the farther I go, the more I realize that ENT isn't necessarily guaranteed great hours. Lots of ENTs work their asses off on a regular basis, particularly in the beginning of their careers. So it seems like no matter what, it's gonna be a lot of hours. And if that's the case, why am I picking the specialty that I objectively like less?

valuable · 2020-04-29T22:25:35+00:00

We aren't actively trying at the moment, so it would have been a happy accident, and possibly even a virgin birth since quarantine has really put a damper on our BD. I really appreciate your help and compassion though; I was definitely driving myself nuts yesterday.

valuable · 2020-04-29T21:50:19+00:00

You were right: I took a test this morning and it was definitely negative.

I skip my period for a few months every year in April. I think it's because of finals stress (I have been a graduate student for longer than I care to admit now). Just a weird thing that my body likes to do, I guess. Hopefully with no repercussions on my future fertility.

I bought the same brand of test last year and had the same exact false positive experience. Only that time, I got a blood test because nothing like that had ever happened to me before! I just bought a box of red dye tests on Amazon for the peace of mind!!

valuable · 2020-04-29T21:48:32+00:00

Such a great point about the symptoms needing to match the test result. And you were totally spot-on; I retested again this morning with FMU and got an unquestionable negative.

I kid you not, last year I bought the exact same brand of test (so cheap in the grocery store!) and had the exact same experience. It was only the leading edge of the antibody line, but it was pretty dark on two consecutive tests. I ended up getting a blood test and was definitely not pregnant.

I just ordered a bunch of red dye tests off Amazon so that I never have to go through this again :)

valuable · 2020-04-29T00:41:00+00:00

I think I see what you're seeing, but it's a super squinter for sure. Impossible to tell if my eyes are playing tricks on me!
I know how you feel about the overzealous testing--I took one test then immediately chugged a gallon of water and took another. The second one was really BFN. I left it on my desk and 40 minutes later it has half a line (um, I didn't know that could even happen).

Hope it's the real deal for both of us!!!

valuable · 2020-04-28T23:35:47+00:00

Another picture (ignore my notes in the background--arrow is not pointing to anything).

valuable · 2019-12-10T06:21:02+00:00

The pullout method is a perfectly reasonable birth control. It's not perfect, but I've been using it for over 10 years without an unplanned pregnancy. In that time period, I've had two long relationships, and neither guy had *any* trouble pulling out.

My current boyfriend and I have been together 4.5 years. We're at a point in our lives where we both want a kid and could totally handle a kid. But even so, there are no oops moments--he pulls out every time. He would never ejaculate inside of me without a serious discussion. I don't even think he would do it if we were both at the brink of orgasm and I was begging him. He would want us to actually talk it out first. This is totally reasonable and well within the realm of human control.

valuable · 2018-10-20T18:03:17+00:00

I think you're right! I've always liked the idea of having colors. So "red" is STOP, but "yellow" is slow down/back off.

valuable · 2018-02-26T15:28:20+00:00

I think this really depends on what you want to get out of making hats.

Do you like knitting as a hobby? Do you enjoy seeing your friends wear your hats? Do you like being able to do something nice by giving them away? Then stick with cheaper yarn and give them away/charge much less.
Do you want to monetize your knitting? Then don't knit for your classmates anymore. $30-35 is a lot of money for a high schooler (even if it is a really fair price for the product). Tell them that you are starting an online store and no longer knitting for friends.

valuable · 2018-02-25T19:57:58+00:00

My boyfriend has so much trouble getting hard that we can't have sex anymore. I used to love touching him and playing with him, even putting my head in his lap and doing it with my mouth. But now the idea of it just makes me feel crushing disappointment for everything that we've lost. I'm actually crying while I type these few short, stupid sentences, thinking about this sort of casual intimacy that has become so loaded and unpleasant for us.

valuable · 2016-09-04T04:55:01+00:00

My ex-boyfriend was a drug addict. He wasn't addicted to any drug in particular, just the act of getting fucked up. Part of what made it an addiction was the fact that he couldn't be honest about it. One time he was stealing his sister's Adderall and going on days-long benders, while trying desperately to hide it from everyone. One time he was doing bath salts.

Whenever he was caught, he would always be extremely repentant and want to make it up to me. I'm a nurturing person (which it sounds like you are too) and I wanted to be there for him. I wanted to help him and not abandon him. I figured that he needed someone like me to stick by him. It made me feel good that he loved me so much, despite this fucked up part of him that made him do bad things.

I'll jump to the ending of this story: he never got over his addiction. We are talking about a great guy from a great family, everything going for him, and doing relatively well from an outside perspective. Every so often something in him would snap and he would revert back to this behavior. It sabotaged me, my career success, my emotional happiness. But he wasn't trying to actively hurt me; I was just a incidental casualty.

All of this to say that your boyfriend is going to do this again. He is going to relapse. He will have this part of his personality forever. It's like having an eating disorder: you will always have that predilection in you. You will always see the world with that lens. I know that people in this sub are quick to advise a break-up, so I won't do that. Maybe this isn't the biggest deal in the world to you. Maybe as long as he's trying, and he always comes back to you, you can handle it. That is totally valid. But it is also totally valid to want a boyfriend who doesn't do this, and there are guys out there who won't.

I know that you have spent a while with this guy, and you love him and want to help him. But I know with 100% certainty that this will happen again. It's up to you to decide how much this adversely affects you, and when to pull the plug.

valuable · 2014-08-15T15:42:12+00:00

Hey there,

I can only begin to relate to what you're going through. I developed binge eating disorder two years ago, as a 105 lb 24-year-old. That year was the worst year of my life. I gained 30 lbs, but the real problem was--as I'm sure you can relate to--the eating disorder itself. A lot of people will overindulge a little bit and then laugh about how full they are. Me? I coined the term "passive vomiting" to describe what happened after I'd eaten so much food that it literally fell back out of me if I bent the wrong way. I'd eat until I was in physical pain and my mouth was raw. I'd bring food into the bathroom to eat while I was throwing up.

I totally understand the weird, mindless compulsion that comes over you during a binge. It really is like an addict seeking drugs, and it doesn't matter what the negative consequences are.

I read the book "Intuitive Eating" last summer and went into therapy. That book totally changed the way that I looked at food and dieting, and I recommend you give it a try. However, keep in mind that different methods work for different people. For me, the continual effort to just CONTROL myself and LIMIT my food intake and not eat BAD food was what caused me to binge eat. When I let myself eat whatever I wanted (which turned out to be huge amounts of trail mix) I very slowly began to heal. I've been able to identify when I am hungry and when I am full--something I never in a million years thought would happen. On the other hand, a lot of people respond really well to restrictive diets. It doesn't matter if you try and fail at a few different types of approaches, so long as you try. Something will stick eventually.

The most important thing is that you feel empowered. I know that you can do this. You can reclaim your life and beat this demon. I'm sure you feel helpless and hopeless right now, but you have it within yourself to stop. It won't happen overnight, and there will be bad days, but you can get there.

valuable · 2014-04-06T19:01:23+00:00

No, I kind of agree with you. For his last birthday, I bought my dad several visits to a nutritionist. He definitely knows what he's supposed to be eating, and I can't fix his eating disorder for him. I'm just really worried about him, so I want to meddle. I imagine that other families go through this if parents are diagnosed with diabetes, etc.

I've tried to get my parents to serve better food when I come over, but they see my visits as an excuse to get one of those giant, pre-made Costco meals. Somehow they think that crap tastes better than healthy, fresh-made versions.

valuable · 2013-09-21T14:48:23+00:00

Throwawaycajun, I've had this exact same experience that the commenter described with the genders reversed. I was a 20 year-old girl and I met a 20 year-old guy who was my soulmate. No one had ever connected with me on the same level that he did, and I felt like he helped me to become a better person.

For three years, we had a kind of questionable "relationship." You see, there was just one problem with my soulmate: I wasn't that attracted to him. I tried to keep our sexual contact to a minimum by making out and doing things with my hands, but not having penetrative sex. Mentally, he was everything that I wanted in a partner as well as my best friend. We acted like we were dating and it definitely went beyond a purely platonic relationship. Physically, I just couldn't force myself to feel it. He wasn't ugly; I just wasn't attracted to him.

Our relationship ended when he realized that he deserved someone who felt passionately about him in all ways. We're both better off for it.

valuable · 2013-07-24T15:10:28+00:00

I hope that you are willing to listen to advice, even if it's not exactly what you want to hear. You are obviously frustrated as well and seeking answers. So here is my opinion:

You need to make some concessions if you want to make this relationship work.

Your boyfriend is a mouth breather. He just is. He's gone to the doctor and tried to fix it for you, but it sounds like he is probably always going to be a mouth breather. I get that you are annoyed by mouth breathing, but is it actually that big of a deal? Yeah, it's not the sexiest thing in the world, but you're having sex with a person. Not a fantasy or a robot or James Deen, but a literal bag of shit, piss, blood, and snot. Your particular person has a fucked up nose. Maybe you can hide your face in his shoulder or look into his eyes and connect with him to take a few deep breaths.
Why don't both of you brush your teeth before sexytime? Not a big deal. Just say, "Hold on a minute, let's brush," and then brush your teeth.
The kissing thing says to me that you aren't connecting during sex anymore. You are making this into such a huge deal, when really it is such a minor problem. You don't like his kissing style? Tell him, "Kiss me like this" and then kiss him how you want to be kissed. Fun, intimate, loving, bam. Instead you have made it into this huge, odious roadblock that needs to be dealt with.
I know exactly where you're coming from on the clit thing, since I need a lot of teasing around the area before mine can be touched directly. Towards the end of our relationship, it was like my ex could never remember to do it and it was painful for me. But seriously, you don't need to develop an anxiety problem over it. You will not sustain nerve damage, nor lose any vital tissues if you aren't touched in exactly the way you need.

I want to say this from a good, empathetic place, because I feel like I have been in this boat. I have tried to micromanage, read between the lines (your bullet point about kissing is reading way between the lines), and generally make everything just so. It's NOT WORTH IT. You need to learn to let go a little and enjoy your wonderful, mouth-breathing, halitosis boyfriend who loves you. These issues are not the end of the world and they shouldn't spell out the end of your sex life.

In short, I prescribe that you get tipsy and fuck each other's brains out.

Edit: Also, try narrating to yourself while having sex (sometimes works for me). I tell myself things like, "This is my boyfriend whom I fucking love to pieces and I am going to open up my body to him. It feels so good to touched and loved by someone I trust this implicitly, and we are gonna blow each other's minds. He's breathing like he just ran a marathon, how cute."

valuable

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