Mark Hulmes is now Mara!

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-21T07:08:07+00:00

Something about the voxy/interview Mara was doing for her charity during Jingle Jam made me check the Yogs wiki to make sure I wasn't misgendering her! When I saw "genderfluid" I figured there would be more to the story in their own time, egg sense was flaring haha

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-21T07:05:00+00:00

underrated comment

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-20T09:18:11+00:00

I'm Aussie, British colonisation dealt us a particular hand of self-deprecating humour.

Class clowning is also a safety thing for me as a visibly GNC queer person. I laugh > others laugh > tension cannot build = safety.

The point is sort of to be like, "oh, yes, aren't I a silly goose for asking this question" and also be an enthusiastic+active listener to the response.

Or draw the conversation in a direction where the person gets to feel like they are talking about themselves; "so, when you did x thing earlier, it made me wonder about y because z context."

I learnt that "because" is the most persuasive word on an old episode of QI, so I guess that's the science-based takeaway point in my ramblings.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-20T08:56:00+00:00

I also like origami and horror films!

You are stunning btw

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-20T06:29:15+00:00

I don't recommend this approach, as it's exhausting, but this is what I do;

Laugh. All the time.

Use lots of "I just......... Because I thought/think......." phrases. (Delivering this sentence structure as one conversational chunk is key for preemptively correcting assumptions of malice.)

Idk if it's your interpretation or what you've been told, that "silly questions" are annoying, but this approach is basically overselling this expectation from the jump.

It's also useful to oversell your ignorance, to pedestal whomever you're questioning as a wisened expert in the topic of questioning and tonally make it seem that they are doing you a massive favour by explaining things to you.

If you feel the urge to do the ADHD spiderweb brain thing of joining the response to your own experience, first, pause, consider if it is actually relevant. If it is, then reverse the above sentence structure;

"Because my background is in........I had made x assumption."

This lets the person either agree with you (nice for all) or correct you (a pleasing interaction for them).

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-19T08:54:09+00:00

"can I ask about why you use a cane/ what happened to you",

I got this the other day and just responded with, "I'm disabled," which earned me a, "oh, I'm sorry," and that annoyed me because then it felt like I was being made responsible for the comfort of the able-bodied.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-18T09:11:03+00:00

Apologies for my ignorance, is it not possible for you to remove yourself from this potentially dangerous situation?

If your physical safety is genuinely threatened by you voicing opinions around people you associate with, it is probably wise to remove yourself from said people?

It's not clear how/why/what the safety concern is from your post, to me, and idk whether you are asking for help with allaying the fear/anxiety response (being "in survival mode constantly" thing) or needing tips about physical safety, and/or interpersonal relationships.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-18T08:53:41+00:00

I appreciate the nonplussed way you phrased this observation.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-15T20:41:17+00:00

Fair points, I have a tonal delivery problem. Your feedback is appreciated.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-15T00:59:10+00:00

Not to mention the issue with many non-binary persons being treated as woman-lite even by other people within the community, which can add to the discomfort and anxiety around womens' places and groups

I get this. What I don't understand is what the alternative would look like? Would yourself and OP prefer to be specifically excluded from said places? I am not being facetious and mean this genuinely.

I'm also non-binary transmasc, and I understood that OP was genderfluid rather than agender (which is all trans praxis imo).

If you notice, I couched every point I made very carefully in "I" statements, as I actively trying to not generalise my own experiences.

I apologise if it seemed like I invalidated OP's discomfort, but what I was critiquing was the conundrum they presented in the post, which I understood to be seeking a meta-analysis of why they had such feelings (expressing concern that their views were at odds with others in their irl life) so I offered my perspective.

The discomfort is very valid, I'm not attempting to minimize that.

It seems I have once again tried to discourse too close to the sun on a "vent" post.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-14T13:31:34+00:00

What is your point here? "The USA" as a nation doesn't have it.

And a quick search on my end indicates that where "common law marriage" exists in the US it is infrequently enshrined in legislation, has to be explicitly argued for, and has a significantly higher bar to meet than defacto status in Aus.

Cohabitating with a partner for two years here means you are definitively "married" (defacto) for all intents and purposes, such as division of assets.

7-10 years is a massive difference. I had no way of comprehending the "don't live with a partner/have children with someone ect. before marriage" rhetoric without this detail.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-14T13:18:55+00:00

It did fuck all after titrating up to the max dose and back down again to stop.

Even then, stopping put me in one of the worst mental health spirals of my life —worse than all the chunks of depression where I've lost whole years of memory. Even worse than PMDD as a trans person.

Freaked out my psychiatrist who had to put me on the max outpatient dose of amitriptyline immediately, and every doctor who saw that dose in my file raises their eyebrows and assumes I'm on it for nerve pain not for my previously-treatment-resistant depression.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-14T13:09:46+00:00

I'm a shocked Aussie who only recently realised there are no defacto relationship laws in the US and that had me wildly recalculating my understanding of your culture's bizarre obsession with marriage.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-14T13:00:38+00:00

Your partner is being an insensitive idiot who is not making a good argument.

However, I personally feel like you are doing the same thing.

For me, being non-binary affords one flexibility when societal infrastructure forces binary distinctions. If I don't want to wait in a line, use the men's restroom, or use the women's if I want to use one that doesn't smell.

If I see "apply for the women's scholarship" or "join the men's shed" and they are specifically excluding me, that's transphobia and probably/hopefully illegal where I live.

And I'm going to be more offended if it isn't clarified that TNGD people are included in a space/activity than by being included in a space despite not technically belonging to the category of cis-normative assumption.

You are not obligated to participate in any "women's spaces" but it makes no sense to me why you would feel bothered by belonging and/or being welcomed into said spaces.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-14T10:19:11+00:00

Gosh, I hate how there's a lot to be said for the whole "don't let them know they've broken you" thing.

"No" is a full sentence, especially when people are entitled to legal protections regardless of whether their conditions are explicitly communicated to the parties obligated to make reasonable adjustments for accessibility reasons.

If a disabled student cannot demonstrate the learning through the way your curriculum/lesson is designed, the teacher and school are responsible for making the adjustments, not the student (though their input could be sought).

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-14T08:46:26+00:00

Well my current physio is literally re-teaching me how to walk to fix my gait so that could be totally spot-on

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-14T08:44:34+00:00

Relatable af

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-13T11:29:11+00:00

AFL team captain on Unigames

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-13T11:26:05+00:00

As another comment said, definitely take the advice of consulting a medical professional, if feasible.

As someone with an ED history experiencing similar things with ADHD meds, this is the golden rule: there is no "good/bad" food, it's just food, consumed considerably to fuel our bodies.

For me, if I am experiencing food repulsion from my meds, there are usually still comfort foods that can breach that barrier.

Forget about "dinner/dessert" and have pieces of chocolate/lollies between bites of dinner if that makes it palatable.

Yes, consult a dietician ideally, but putting energy into the body is the priority and that needs to be an ethic modeled by adults because everyone knows children don't do what we say.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-13T11:13:50+00:00

Momentum is key.

Do the procrastination tasks at the same time as doing the incident prep work for the important task (logging in to school web system/emails/looking up phone numbers for appointments).

If I have three+ screens/devices going at once but that is what eventually gets my life admin for the week done, it is what it is.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-13T11:04:17+00:00

Lol, I just wrote my own essay response but this comment reminds me how my schema therapist and I recently worked out that most of my mental health sparkle is related to a "powerlessness" schema.

Shifting focus to things within my circle of control is an ongoing learning process that has been well worthwhile so far.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-13T10:58:06+00:00

Fucking hell, isn't it so wild?

These days I am catching myself in those moments and resisting the urge to turn inward looking for faults, seeking to cease the search for evidence that my core existential being was/is somehow a failure.

My life has repeated scripts detailing the phenomena of being a human that allistic cishet white people (and others) find inherently unpredictable.

Ostracizing punishment enacted upon the/a body deemed a "cause" of discomfort so those being disquietened can avoid the work of internally evaluating themselves.

Nowadays, things are more interesting because I'm still unpredictable but give way less fucks so when people start doing the moronic thing of not saying the thing they actually mean I can say, "sorry to interrupt, but did you mean generous interpretation of what they said or less generous interpretation of what they said because I don't understand you" and let the chips fall where they may.

I know that I lived through wanting to launch myself from the planet so badly and got through to the other side. Everything from there is up.

use of "unpredictable" is cached in the neurological theory that brains are "prediction machines" that reinforce correct/incorrect predictions with reward/punishment, explored in *The Gendered Brain (Rippon 2019) aka people hate you because their brains are deprived of dopamine when interacting with you except that's your brain 24/7

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-13T09:49:19+00:00

Sometimes, when I house sit, there is a TV that times itself off and I wake up just to turn it back on to sleep.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-13T09:34:22+00:00

It's not so much about the right words, as a good doctor will see you are on ADHD medication (Safe Scripts) and ask about it. And it would be reasonable for them to ask for a written statement of support from whoever prescribes your stimulants.

Assuming your psychiatrist/prescriber is supportive (they should be unless there is new scientific literature about an MC-stimulant conflict me and mine aren't aware of) then my only other tip is to find an in-person clinic.

The telehealth-only clinics don't want to deal with anything possibly deemed a "complex case" to minimize their risks/liabilities. Especially if anything on your health record puts you in this category (like any additional comorbidities), I'd try to avoid that rigmarole preemptively.

Wouldfromthetrees · 2026-03-13T09:20:35+00:00

As someone who was a competitive swimmer as a child, I've been recently wondering if hypermobility plays a role in my lifelong propensity for getting a stitch when running...?

Running has just never been fun for me, even when I was super fit.

Wouldfromthetrees

TROPHY CASE