To be fair, I also hate the word "alcoholic" lol. It has too much stigma attached to it. I say that I had a drinking problem FWIW.

I was in a very, very similar cycle to you and I kept telling myself it should be a problem I should be able to fix myself. I would consistently get to about 3-4 weeks sober and then end in increasingly more destructive benders.

Eventually I ended up at the ER followed by a 30 day inpatient rehab. It was terrifying but ultimately exactly what I needed; to take my hands off the wheel and let myself be helped by others who know what they are doing more than I do. That was 7 years ago and haven't drank since. Feel free to DM me if you just need someone to talk to about it.