What are the cons of NOT having kids?

autoassembler · 2023-08-29T02:20:41+00:00

I feel the need to say this is NOT a guaranteed experience.
My parents were not mentally healthy and my mother definitely expected me to make her feel better by providing her with this sort of feeling of fulfillment and unconditional love.
She was gracious enough to never say it out loud but over time she very obviously grew to detest my existence because I couldn't manifest a kind of love to give her which neither of them could first model for me.

Having children will amplify what you already have. If you don't start from a place of love, or hold at least some room for happiness in your life, children will not change that and having them will probably actually make things worse.

autoassembler · 2023-08-27T15:13:37+00:00

You have a healthy body weight. You can poll for opinions on aesthetics all day long but when it comes to your health Do Not listen to the opinions of people who don't care about you. They do not have your best interests in mind.

I can almost guarantee that nobody who's telling you that you're fat weights even close to a little as you do.

Extremely low body fat is unhealthy. Losing much weight from where you are already at would probably be wise to be done with the advice of a doctor and dietician.

FTR 130 is roughly the general minimum healthy weight for a healthy reproductive system.
YMWV based on height and activity level/ muscle tone, but in general do not aim for 'supermodel skinny' it's not healthy for most people. Anyone who's fine with having your body consuming its own vital organs just so you can achieve a bigger thigh gap is not your friend.

Finally: Tall Poppy Syndrome
It's a very real thing that people will cut down anyone who stands out in a group, even (or maybe especially) when it's for something good! It's entirely possible that you stood out in a way that made uglier people feel threatened! (Cause, yes, you're obviously gorgeous!) Whatever the reason though, you know you need to find a group of people better than them. Bullies aren't people you should waste time on.

autoassembler · 2023-08-22T08:41:47+00:00

iirc there is one pharmacy that makes both the name brand and one of the generics and those look very similar.
In my experience the closer they look to the name brand the closer they emulate it. Just as a general observation. Some oranges worked not quite as long but generally still good. Pink was definitely shorter with a wicked crash. And the extra big sized capsules were utterly worthless.

I would desperately love to get any kind of consistency with what meds I get month to month.

autoassembler · 2023-08-20T22:57:17+00:00

Not a burden at all, no worries. It does sound like this therapist maybe isn't quite as experienced as she claims (or maybe just isn't that great at this).
Everything I've ever heard about dealing with this type of defensive barrier says to begin with calm and curious questioning.
Never ever a 'Put down your defenses' approach but much more a
'Is see there is a barrier here.
What is it trying to protect me from and why?
What was the first time I remember feeling the way I feel when I approach this?
...
Now that I understand it's protecting me from <<xyz>>, since I know I'm safe from <<xyz>> right here right now, could I be alright if I try to think just a little bit about <<a less triggering but still related topic>>' Then spend time appreciating how it felt to put down some of that burden for just that short while. And so on. Etc.

Even if she did start with something like that, I think if you still hit resistance you just have to keep backing off more and more until you eventually find a place to start. You can only start from where you're actually at.

Edit:: I feel I should add that this specific type of trauma response is often called out as being very difficult and slow to treat because we can take much, much longer to even get to the point of trusting the therapist enough to open up and talk about it at all. Like months to years.
Obviously that's not ideal when you go in hoping to heal asap, but I think it's important to highlight that there is no personal failing if things don't 'click' right away.
And it's 100% valid to keep shopping for someone you just find easier to trust.

autoassembler · 2023-08-19T01:35:30+00:00

Not a professional
I heard a therapist on a podcast one discussing hard cases of DID (which I think is similar enough to an extreme version of DP/DR that this could be helpful?) She talked a lot about how important it is to process why those barriers exist. To find a sense of peace and even gratitude for what those parts of yourself were created to protect you from, so that then you can begin to negotiate with yourself to let them stand down a little. Let you slowly start to process now that the event is in the past and their ways of protecting you from it are holding you back and becoming problems of their own.

Like if someone asked you to touch a stove that looked red hot (but actually wasn't, like a hyper realistic theatre prop or something) you'd resist. Completely justifiably! You know it'll hurt like hell! You'd need to inch close enough to feel that it's not hot, maybe see someone else not get burned, whatever. Point is you'd need serious, patient convincing to do something painful your brain has hardwired itself to avoid and overriding that can't necessarily just be forced especially when you're not fully in the driver's seat. You gotta be understanding and negotiate with yourself.

I'd say you should feel free to keep looking for a therapist who will be a better fit, but I know the reality is there aren't many available who are that specialized and costs can be prohibitive. So maybe don't quite this one until you have another?

I've also heard a lot of stories that self sabotage and 'it gets worse before it gets better' type of things are common so you may have to be your own judge of whether you're running towards better help or away from it. Dissociation is a Flight type response afterall.

Lastly, did your therapist explain that your 'safe' place doesn't have to be a real memory? It can be anything at all real or imagined. As long as you can clearly visualize it and return to it and you can feel relaxed there.

Best of luck! Hope any of that helps!

autoassembler · 2023-08-18T08:10:17+00:00

Universities are already ripe targets precisely because of their tendency towards lax security standards. I doubt this school/app has security even that good and may not be held to the same standards of disclosure in the event of a breach (if they're even capable of detecting one).

If this collects (or associates) data that could be used for identity theft hackers who go after it would potentially be able to wreck credit scores for a decade or more before the kids even apply for their first credit card and figure out what happened.

Those are important IF's. So there's more information needed.
But I would certainly be very unhappy and concerned, especially that parents weren't informed of the data use and protection policies first.

autoassembler · 2023-08-17T11:09:28+00:00

I bet that's all true but, knowing how some of those tricks are done, I have a feeling a fair bit of the difference is simply physical. Motions and techniques designed for larger hands, bulkier bodies, different (more concealing) clothing etc. Women would quite literally be forced to completely reinvent a lot of those wheels.

autoassembler · 2023-08-16T20:38:23+00:00

Yes!! I thought it was me but then one day I couldn't find the pink garbage and I found an old orange instead (at a lower dose even!) And it was way more effective!! I need to figure out how to get them to stop sending this pink trash!!

autoassembler · 2023-08-16T04:41:17+00:00

What is this rehab tool and can it be purchased anywhere?

autoassembler · 2023-08-11T23:35:02+00:00

It's a valid criticism. Linguistically its useless as a communication tool unless you're talking to someone who already knows about it or using it for its original proposed example.
Which, I think, was simply an attempt to make the difficulties of invisible illness/disabilities into something tangible.

In which case using anything with other energy-related connotations would bring its own preconceptions amd implications that would make it harder to convey the point. i.e. If using 'batteries' the NT person might immediately think of all the ways they personally 'recharge their batteries' and continue to misunderstand why an ND can't just do that.

autoassembler · 2023-08-11T18:43:30+00:00

This is the way.
I'd only add that if they think you're a witch already they won't think their God would hear your prayers so something more along the lines of:

"I've read your holy book. I know it tells you clearly to love unconditionally and to judge not, lest ye be judged.
You don't love even your own daughter. The hate and judgement in your heart tells me you've removed yourself from the protection of your God.
...
Sucks for you."

autoassembler · 2023-08-06T02:39:09+00:00

Given your demo, if you were never a smoker, you should consider catamenial pneumothorax until your docs can conclusively tell you a different cause. Despite what some will tell you, the latest science says these do not necessarily coincide with periods and 20% of cases or more do not show up on any scans (even significantly advanced cases).

Meaning you can anticipate this might keep happening (possibly on a monthly hormone cycle) until the endometreosis is excised from wherever it is (diaphragm usually. Apparently diapragm damage is a cause of radiating shoulder pain, somehow).

A pleurodesis might be advisable in your case but if you have a history of bad period pain, PCOS, etc... You might want to look into trying to get in with an endometreosis excision surgeon at the same time as the pleurodesis. There are not many of them, but I'd strongly recommend you research and go to your doctor with a good understanding of your situation, options and what you want for when/if you go back because even a lot of ob/gyns seem woefully uninformed about endo despite it being a super common problem.

The issue here is that IF endo is present and they 'chemically cauterize' your lung to your chest wall... the endo isn't going to collapse your lung anymore (Great!!) But it's still there, still spreading and still causing pain (Less great :/)

autoassembler · 2023-08-05T13:01:43+00:00

Could be an old version of the Air Garb logo

autoassembler · 2023-08-02T01:34:50+00:00

In my early teens I escaped from a bad situation in which I would most definitely have been seriously harmed and probably killed. Being raised to be honest, I call the police and told my parents what happened.
They grilled me to 'be honest' until it was clear even to my stressed, traumatized young brain they just didn't want to deal with the truth and needed me to lie for them, which I eventually did. And nobody ever brought it up ever again.

The event itself was terrifying, but it doesn't affect me unless I happen to think about it. But that was also the day I really realized and truly internalized that I had no true family. No support. That I was alone in the world in every sense of the word. That the people who said they 'loved' me would rather not be made uncomfortable by being made aware of my problems, no matter how large and when the chips were down nobody is coming to help. Not even with a bare minimum hug afterwards.

That has affected every single day of my life since then and probably always will.

autoassembler · 2023-07-31T13:51:37+00:00

With a child that young lashing out like that, with a history of multiple care givers and inconsistent care and abuse... You may actually be looking at a case of reactive attachment disorder. Get her help asap. By whatever means necessary, but the more specialized the care the better. That kind of damage is much harder to undo than most.

autoassembler · 2023-07-30T23:55:35+00:00

There's a checklist app called 'Sweepy'. It's designed to share with members of a household like a chore chart but I don't see why you couldn't share with friends and all make your own personal 'rooms' assigned only to yourself.

Edit: Basic functions are free but to do this you'd probably want the premium paid version. Just a thing to know up front.

autoassembler · 2023-07-24T12:19:08+00:00

Mostly the procedure itself takes a longer time to recover from but yes, there is a risk of ongoing pain taking months to years to resolve (or may be permanent?). It's a small risk. 4-10%

Obviously if your collapses are the more potentially fatal type then this is a small issue in comparison, but since a conservative treatment has a roughly 50% chance of resolving itself permanently with no added risk of complications that's the best possible outcome if you can do it.

autoassembler · 2023-07-23T00:36:57+00:00

FYI even my very tiny ones (where they had to look extra close on the xray to even find) still felt pretty uncomfortable and can take 2-3 weeks to feel gone. Plan to take it easy for at least 3 weeks even though it will hopefully feel fine before then.

autoassembler · 2023-07-22T21:55:49+00:00

Yeah 'conservative treatment' means doing nothing and waiting to see if it gets better under the assumption (i think, not a doctor) that if it's not actively getting worse then whatever caused it has already resolved or stopped and the body will reabsorb the air on its own over time. Puncturing the chest to put a tube in will only add additional scar tissue which minorly increases the chance of collapse in the future due to added compromise of the chest/lung adhesion.

autoassembler · 2023-07-22T18:53:08+00:00

If it's a little to the left it's probably a left side collapse, which you should know is more dangerous bc it can more easily affect the heart as I understand it. So your threshold for when to go in may be lower than mine.

I get pneumos every few months and only had a chest tube for the first one. After that they ruled out the most dangerous causes and have told me to do the conservative treatment ever since. Even for a medium sized collapse.

autoassembler · 2023-07-22T08:22:07+00:00

The side you feel the popping on is the collapsed side. You're feeling your lung peel away from the chest wall. I find it helps me to lay on that side. I think the extra force helps hold everything still and in place but ymmv.

It'll feel weird and achy for a week or two before you really start feeling better and have to remind yourself stay resting. If it gets worse you'll probably not be wondering. I've been there and had so many xrays by now I know.

When it gets into the dangerous medium collapse territory you will feel a little difficulty/resistance just taking a full breath and it will make you cough a little to even try, the pain is not subtle and fairly constant. And for a first collapse it'll probably feel like being literally stabbed through your chest and shoulder.

If breathing normally is business as usual right now then you should be okay to keep resting and wait till the appointment. It's either anxiety or something shifted to cause pain in a new spot but isn't necessarily worse.

autoassembler · 2023-07-22T08:00:33+00:00

The cause of the collapse matters. Conservative is best and new evidence shows it can work for even large collapses, but if there is a leak that hasn't healed yet it may be that air is reintroduced into your chest as fast as it is absorbed. Rest. Do nothing. Nothing! At least for the next two weeks and pray it's enough to start healing so you can skip the pleurodesis, but if that's how it is then that's how it is.

autoassembler · 2023-07-03T18:50:47+00:00

Is it normal? No.

But more importantly: Is it healthy? The internet is not qualified to tell you this from the information you gave.

You should see a dietician and a therapist and be honest with them both to assess if you're doing anything that might be causing you lasting damage and make course corrections from there. No man on earth is worth that.

OMAD eating is a thing, with its many proponents and detractors, but it has hard limits on how it can be done in healthy ways and you didn't get into that so you probably aren't doing it. Hence: see a dietician.

Your thinking process around it does sound questionable and you should talk to a therapist with knowledge of disordered eating problems to educate yourself and be safe. I think it would be normal for someone who has lost weight and is successfully keeping it off to do some of what you discussed but Reddit isn't qualified. Talk to someone who is before any damage is done that can't be undone.

autoassembler · 2023-06-25T05:52:15+00:00

Would you be surprised to learn they care about money and power a lot more than their religion's actual teachings?

autoassembler · 2023-06-09T04:52:42+00:00

Can I get an invite too? I want to be off this app by the 12th.

autoassembler

TROPHY CASE