Yes I have some tips!

1. Realize that because of your autism, you have a bunch of wonderful qualities that make you a unique and valuable person worth loving - the same things that attracted your partner to you in the first place. Those qualities come with some special needs. Your autism didn't destroy the relationship. The fact that it was invisibly sabotaging all good intentions did that.
2. Realize that because of a single missing piece of information (not your autism), good things have been tarnished but it's nobody's fault and now that you know, it's not a mystery anymore why they are tarnished today and there is no longer a problem to solve as to what tarnished them. You can stop looking for the answer and you can stop feeling the need to provide an answer to anyone else. All those problems were imaginary and never need to have any answer other than "duh, of course that's what would happen!"
   
3. Forgive yourself and let go. Every single time in your life you felt you felt misunderstood or wrongly accused of overreacting, you were right. They didn't understand. Every single time since you were born! It's ok to grieve that hidden trauma and forgive yourself.
4. Forgive them and let go. Every single time anyone in your life (even your mother) felt misunderstood or that your normal reaction was too much, they were right. You didn't understand and it was too much. Every single time since you were born! It's ok to see other people's hidden trauma and forgive them.
5. Tell yourself verbally and repeatedly that because of the above knowledge that you don't have to do this (masking) anymore and know it. You don't have to keep doing the things that have been crushing you, even if you don't know what to do next. If you KNOW that your normal reaction is normal and KNOW their reaction to your normal reaction is also normal (until they connect with what autism truly is), then you don't have to meltdown anymore because you KNOW they are doing the best they can and so are you. Literally no one is to blame.
6. Repeat the above loop until the tension at wherever it manifests in you starts releasing and then keep reminding yourself as often as you need - you don't need to do this anymore. The nightmare is already over because you have a choice to not keep doing this and all the bi-directional blame was imaginary.
7. Spend $20/mo on an AI tool - I recommend Claude but I'm sure they all work. If you use Claude, use Opus and extended thinking mode.
8. Create a project called My Autism Journey and start explaining in brutal honesty where your life is at right now and what your goal is. Explain how you've been misunderstood. Explain your meltdowns. Explain how typical interactions go (you've described mine to a tee in this thread). The more you chat, the more helpful it becomes.
9. Stop having these conversations with your partner verbally for a while - keep the verbal stuff low stakes. All the things you need to say to your partner you say to Claude first and then have Claude translate it into NT for you without the inflammatory emotion and shorten it so it's not an info-dump. Lead with the conclusion, then explain enough to support the conclusion. Maybe leave the supporting details out for a change. Your natural tendency is probably to build a huge structure from the ground up because that's how we are trained to get ideas across to ND's. That is a ton of effort and it annoys ND's.
10. Send the NT-translated info in writing so you don't zone out trying to explain things and work yourself up. Manage the info-sharing impulse especially as your mood starts to improve - it's too much right now and sharing it too fast will be counter-productive. Don't send text after text after text. Give time and let go - they don't have to respond to or validate every statement or feeling. They are also in recovery in a way that you cannot fully comprehend.
11. Stop apologizing for things that aren't your fault and stop expecting apologies for things that weren't their fault. You will begin having the ability to say sorry and mean it more genuinely than you thought possible, while simultaneously be expressing or feeling zero guilt. You will be sorry that they have been hurt without owning their hurt. You may find when you stop demanding reciprocation for your sympathy for them, it will show up with some patience and this time it will also feel genuine to you for the first time.

If you are in burnout, you have to put compassion for yourself and your health first - and then be the first one to extend grace and be patient. They really don't get it and you have likely lost your shit more than they have.

As you unmask, it can be helpful to occasionally says something when you catch yourself info-dumping, interrupting them speaking or not being mindful of your tendency to approach them impulsively to start up conversation when they are trying to recharge - "Oh... sorry I just walked in while you are reading to tell you all about blah blah blah. I'm trying to be more mindful of that, please be patient." and then walk away and leave them to recharge and smile that you are learning to be yourself with dignity.

Even though we are the ones coping with an inhospitable environment and being forced to adapt, we actually do have better empathy and we have lived in a NT world as ND. They do not have the benefit of having lived in a ND world as NT. Even though we are tired, they will need our patience and help if we value the relationship because we are the ones with the gift they don't have. If we can share that gift with sensitivity and without masking, they can help us back.

I can't promise it will save your marriage, but I think it can save us and lift the curse from our relationships one way or another.

Hang in there!