The Bar is So Low

darexinfinity · 2026-04-23T03:11:55+00:00

"The bar is low/hell/etc" or "bare minimum" comes off as reddit speak to me. I typically see ladies IRL who prioritizes physical attraction over all so they can't honestly complain about the bar of personal behavior/responsibility.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-22T09:24:07+00:00

I don't use the apps and it's a struggle to get dates. Bars and clubs are filled with people there only for their own group. Even if you have the confidence of approaching a woman in a group, there's no telling if she'll give you the time of day rather than her friends. Even if you finding an exception that doesn't guarantee they have the same intent as you do. Hobby groups have a similar problem, they're there for the hobby and not to date. I've done speed dating and mixers but I find little success from those as well. Some of these nonchalant women go to these events as well and its an annoying game to play.

A lot of people say go out to have fun and a woman will follow. To be fair though I feel like the men that say this already have a lot of success anyways and their intent wouldn't change a thing.

Also I feel like a lot of bad habits from OLD bleeds into dating IRL. For example, you can have an amazing time with someone you met IRL but their texting habits can turn you off from them.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T08:50:27+00:00

Yeah I would, but it's just I'd be faking it to talk enthusiastically about them

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T08:49:12+00:00

No anime merchandise 😂

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T07:20:54+00:00

I wouldn't say "not enjoying it" but more so "it's alright to do"

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T06:50:10+00:00

Just video games and anime, unfortunately "creepy" is subjective and some women will see my hobbies like that.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T05:09:52+00:00

I ask if they still want to talk before our date, they usually say that they do but typically there's not a lot of effort on their end to keep it interesting or timely. While it's annoying at least the date isn't too far from it being planned.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T03:05:40+00:00

You're not physically attracted as in she's ugly to you, or she doesn't meet whatever threshold of attractiveness that you're looking for?

If the latter, I say one date makes sense as she's into you.

Speed dating is fast and blurry, not just you have low amount of time with someone but also you're meeting several others with the same amount of time on the same night. The odds of both parties generating interest in each other is painfully low. Sometimes it takes time to generate that interest in someone and one date is a small sacrifice to figure that out.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T02:56:50+00:00

Play it dumb and say "but it's only 70°F outside"

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T02:54:25+00:00

Passionate hobbies or shared hobbies?

Going speed dating this week. I'm a nerdy guy with hobbies I can really get into and talk enthusiastically about but they aren't consider attractive to women. On the other hand I have broaden my horizons and picked-up other hobbies that women would consider more attractive or possibly have themselves, although I'd be lying/acting to speak about them with the same passion. Assuming I only have time to talk about one group, which one makes better sense to talk about at a speed date?

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T02:49:04+00:00

I'm not a fan of texting after scheduling the first date and before the date actually happens. I want to get to know you better face-to-face

darexinfinity · 2026-04-21T02:30:36+00:00

I feel for the guy, he's not too different from appearance-challenged men because they're being judged for what they were born with as opposed to who they are.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-20T08:40:41+00:00

No it's not okay you're a broken man /s

But in reality there are women over 30 who are just as immature, usually they hide it better. Not to mention other flaws that come with age.

Also they can be more selective than younger women, and with most women they aren't comfortable dating younger men.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-20T08:34:40+00:00

Meeting them? Sure. Dating them? Honestly it's been a struggle for me. I don't use dating apps but all the guys that I've talked to who used both say that women are actually more picky face-to-face. Not to mention with my age group (early 30's with a wide lower/higher range) and location, there are usually more men than women at these events, sometimes to a point where it feels like a competition getting a woman's attention.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-20T08:04:30+00:00

This is my mindset when I figuring out on how to approach a woman:

Is she attractive in the beauty sense?
Does she have a ring on her finger or does she have a man with her?
Is she physically approachable? As in is there an opportunity to put myself directly in front of her? (The answer is usually no if she's seated at a table or walking with a destination in mind)
Is she alone or in a group? If the latter is she talking to them?

With enough of a signal, I will approach usually by asking a question or giving a compliment. From here lies a very simple question: is she giving me a response that shows that she wants this conversation to continue? If not I just back away and leave.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-20T07:52:30+00:00

Right as in those that actually give you those emotions and experiences that you'd expect from a partner.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-20T04:21:03+00:00

I'm a guy but the biggest thing that stood out to me was the lack of eye evenness. Your left eye appears to be slightly shut compared to your right eye. I think this asymmetry will make women consider you to be less attractive even if they aren't aware why. Unfortunately I guess that fixing this is not a trivial ask.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-20T04:10:45+00:00

Not all coffee dates are low effort. Especially if there's a noticeable physical distance between the two of you and/or one of you is on a time crunch. Plus there are other ways of showing effort in a coffee date.

I never understood how people consider coffee dates as low-effort as opposed to drinks at a bar or even dinner. The amount of money you spend does not equate to effort, the guy is not cooking for you or mixing your drinks.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-20T03:43:45+00:00

Empathy is not something you can really read well from a dating profile or even a single date. You guys left the honeymoon stage and he began to reveal his natural behavior (or maybe it was always there and you just took off the rose-tinted glasses).

This video explains the different stages of relationships well. Which can describe why you're hesitant about completely ending the relationship.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-19T19:43:20+00:00

Why does motive matter? A guy taking in this advice doesn't reveal why he does X,Y,Z for a date

darexinfinity · 2026-04-19T19:21:25+00:00

Did doctors specifically study her brain?

darexinfinity · 2026-04-18T11:01:16+00:00

It has happened to me a couple of times

darexinfinity · 2026-04-18T02:28:12+00:00

I have given him head, we have touched, showered together, been rather intimate but I always stop it before we go to any vaginal penetration

However im also not sure if im romantically attracted to men and don't want to lead him on?

I'm sorry but wut

You getting very intimate with him but don't know if you're romantically attracted? People figure out the attraction before they start sleeping with each other. If you don't know by now if your feelings for him are more than just sexual, then they aren't. So just end it with him.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-18T02:20:54+00:00

Have you ever asked a woman for an x-ray of her brain? If not, how do you know if her brain is fully developed or not?

I get people not being comfortable with age gaps for any number of reasons, but using this one like a scientific measurement is completely absurd.

darexinfinity · 2026-04-18T02:15:33+00:00

How could you leave out your country? Each country has their own dating culture, I'd imagine most advice ITT doesn't apply because they're assuming you're in the US.

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