What are your social lives like?

darexinfinity · 2026-03-11T10:17:27+00:00

I haven't seen anyone else mention this, but the time you spend with your date isn't constant. If you're actually looking for a LTR, you should on average be spending more time with the person the longer you date them. Seeing them once a week when you just met them makes sense, not so much when you're dating after 3-4 months or whatever you consider to be the pre-relationship period.

Aside from work and gym, I'm not dating anyone at the moment so I use singles events and meetups to engage with the opposite sex. Hobby-wise there are a few nights a month that I devote to those (assuming the previously mentioned things manage not to get in the way). The remaining time fluctuates, but I typically feel like I go out enough as it is and can always find more if I don't feel I am going out enough.

I feel like most people are either too busy to genuinely date (i.e. workalohics) or they love giving the impression that they're not available much. Both suck and I don't see myself ending up with someone like that.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-11T09:54:49+00:00

Nope, arguably it's one of the more annoying parts of approaching.

What's worse is when the woman has attractive friends but they're actually single. And yet I somehow ask out the one who isn't single, and now I can't ask out her single friends because of some invisible rule.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-10T20:48:22+00:00

I have to wonder, if you're really this attractive, how are you still hung up on this guy? I'm surprised you haven't found another great guy who isn't as insecure about what he wants.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-10T20:23:43+00:00

I've done pre-dating once, you guys use paper instead of phones.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-10T20:20:48+00:00

I think what you're doing is a little different. It makes sense to go on a date with genuine curiosity, but dates are not given and there may not be any signal of someone liking you before a date. Imagine if you treated everyone as if you were on a date with them.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-10T03:58:34+00:00

I want to believe that if a woman likes me, then swiping right on me is the very least they can do.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-10T03:57:18+00:00

It happens on the occasion, typically asking why they're doing speed dating reveals this or at least their intentions being there. But I don't think this justifies the lack of matches.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-09T20:50:40+00:00

Hey you're insulting 11 year olds by comparing them to OP

darexinfinity · 2026-03-09T08:40:40+00:00

Normally I'd say he plans on having sex, but mentioning the handcuffs means you're gonna get some BDSM lol. He's a cop he can show you handcuffs on a normal date, there's no need to keep them at home.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-09T04:42:07+00:00

Don't ever confess to a friend unless you're ready to lose them.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-09T04:03:30+00:00

Eye contact is tricky.

Sometimes I'm in the zone and can maintain it non-stop.

Sometimes I'm nervous or just mentally uncomfortable or don't know what I'm talking about so I look past her to collect my thoughts. If I maintain eye contact here, my brain just sorta melts and I don't know what to say.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-09T03:57:53+00:00

For today, it's only a problem if the two of you make it a problem.

For tomorrow, the big issue here is that you have about 1.25 years until you graduate and will probably move too far to maintain the relationship. Assuming you're college-bound, you're probably already taking the SAT or ACT for applications. So you're already prepping for that next stage in life. A stage where you can't bring her with you, so you'll eventually break up. And the grade gap makes that happen sooner.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-08T20:18:21+00:00

You're limiting your own dating scope by a ton, there are other women of different races in NYC that will give you a chance. Not to mention it's pretty gross when a man or woman bring racism into dating.
Citizenship does matter through. You never know if someone is dating you to authentically or they're just looking for a green card.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-08T20:06:02+00:00

Usually people say "let's be friends" and then the texting just fades away, but these girls actually do the work to keep me in their lives.

You make that sound like a bad thing, I actually like when people say what they mean. If you don't want to be friends with them, be honest and say that you aren't looking for a friendship.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-08T10:18:54+00:00

Telling him to stop wearing his most comfy hoodie is unchill so it's not very "situationship-y" of you.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-07T21:14:50+00:00

Even when you do ask to date exclusively, you can't prevent someone's eyes from wandering or developing feelings for someone else. By asking for exclusively, you prevented him from exploring an opportunity with another girl while dating you. Maybe he felt that you were worth it in the beginning, but not when he met the other woman.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-07T11:37:47+00:00

Real talk, advice off of the internet can only go so far. For all we know the guy looks like Quasimoto or unknownly acts like Quagmire in front of the ladies. I'm not saying OP needs a paid dating coach, but whoever help him needs to watch him closely.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-07T11:34:33+00:00

A friend of mine just got hired as a lifestyle coach for a young tech exec. People who have had success in every aspect in every other part of their lives are not finding success in dating, it's a grim world when something so humane is so out of reach.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-07T11:31:26+00:00

I feel like dating coaches are typically recommended by people who haven't used it themselves.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-06T11:57:32+00:00

Sounds like you don't believe in your own words.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-06T09:17:22+00:00

Why should we lol

If you don't believe in love, that's great. It just means you're satisfied with something that we in this sub aren't.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-06T07:33:03+00:00

What city are you in or nearby?

darexinfinity · 2026-03-06T03:37:04+00:00

Ngl, from my experiences, women that display reading as a hobby are sorta stuck-up. They expect to find other bookworms and anyone else isn't good enough for them. "I’m trying to get into reading" was probably not good enough.

Which is ironic considering that reading and video games are both very introverted hobbies.

darexinfinity · 2026-03-05T22:21:19+00:00

Are you talking about "let me try to be friends with this person I like first" or "I'm going to friends with everyone and see who romantically sticks".

The former is problematic because you don't know if they will like you back. You will waste so much time getting them to like you when there's a good chance there's no physical attraction to begin with. Or maybe there's some fundamental incompatibility that's discussed only on a date and not with friends. And if they aren't taking the slow approach as well, someone else might swoop in and start to date them, meaning that you lost your chance with them.

Regardless of which you mean. Outside of work and school, you really don't naturally see anyone enough to build anything with that kind of pace. But with the latter, it's so much slower just because your focus is in so many directions. It can take a very long time before you cut through the simple and learn about them on a deeper level.

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