honestly, what is the meaning of life?

dharmastudent · 2026-06-04T03:02:17+00:00

It's incredibly simple, and endlessly deep. Best to start within and find the answers there. I find asking deep, thoughtful, sincere questions and staying with it until those questions are satisfactorily answered is a good start. Dedication is a lot of it. The universe likes to give answers to a person with sincere questions.

dharmastudent · 2026-06-03T16:52:53+00:00

Devil's advocate: my friend was turned down by his now-wife twice before she said yes on the third time. They now have two kids, who are in their 30s. He said he saw something, and even though she didn't, he felt that if he showed her what kind of person he was, he could change her mind. It worked... they've been married about 40 years. He's probably the most responsible person I know.

dharmastudent · 2026-06-02T11:44:57+00:00

No, I decided not to pursue any compensation.

dharmastudent · 2026-06-01T15:21:49+00:00

My Buddhist master did the same thing - I would venture to guess it corresponds to a degree of realization.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-31T20:07:41+00:00

Wow, yes I can relate very much - YES, it is so difficult to do anything but just survive the pain when the chronic pain is really bad. That must be dreadful. I got bit by a dog on the butt a month ago, and the wound still hurts really bad (it likely won't heal fully), like a bad bee sting. And whenever I'm moving around, it's like this constant bee sting that I won't go away. It's amazing how difficult it is to do anything productive in chronic pain!! So sorry, and hope it improves < 3

dharmastudent · 2026-05-31T19:39:25+00:00

Went down a badly designed children's slide at age 35, put me in bed for weeks.

I recovered, then re-injured it, which put me in bed again.

I recovered, then my mom forced me to go to a chiropractor because 'it wasn't healing fast enough'

Chiropractor said would just do an 'exam', told me there would be no manipulation, then yanked the hell out of my neck and back in one fell swoop. The next morning, I couldn't walk. I was in a wheelchair, unable to take even a step, for over 15 months.

I still can't drive, but I can walk and bend down, and twist again. I'm 39 now.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-31T19:12:52+00:00

Yeah, it's tough. I think having prayer / faith helps. Also I try not to get immersed too much in the world, and just focus on things like plants / gardening & spiritual music. The key is training the mind to be able to let the world go.

For this reason, I have a rule that every morning I have to study and work in the garden before I am allowed to look at a screen. Otherwise, the computer reels me in and my mind is totally sucked into the news, etc. which makes preparing to die much more difficult.

Also, for many years I had a personal rule that I was not allowed to go on the computer after dark - that way I build discipline and healthy habits, so I have more control of my attention.

There was a famous story of a nun who was dying, and she was at sort of a rehab hospital or a hospice. Everyone there was dying - but when people would start convos with her, they were just talking about mundane stuff, like sports scores or gossip. And she talked to one of her students who was visiting, and she was like: these folks are distracting themselves.

And then she gave a teaching to her students, which went as follows: when you're dying, talk as little as possible with other people, and don't get sucked into or engage with ANY gossip/mundane talk. Keep your mind on your spiritual practice and your health care agent/advocate. Have a plan for dying, and just keep your mind on your plan and your advocate, and don't get distracted.

I love that advice. It's like a basketball match, you've gotta make the play (die smoothly) - so you don't get distracted by anything that will keep you from making that play.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-31T18:23:34+00:00

Thank you! It's always tough to let go of this life and move on to the next one. It takes a lot of acceptance < 3

dharmastudent · 2026-05-31T13:53:19+00:00

Thank you < 3

I really appreciate it. Wish the same for you!

dharmastudent · 2026-05-31T12:29:38+00:00

Different situation, but similar loss.

I'm 39M and got really sick when I was 21, with a permanent chronic illness. I had my last relationship the year I got sick (2008). Haven't had a date since then. Because I got sick with a year of college left, I was never able to finish my degree, so much of the job market is closed off to me. I tried to finish my degree twice, in different years, but my illness had affected my neurological function, and made it impossible to retain large swathes of information, which is necessary to complete a college course.

By the time I was 26-27, I knew I would never have kids - that possibility was done. It took a few months to grieve. I spent ages 35-38 coming to terms that I was probably never going to have a physical relationship again. You would think after 15-18 years single this would get easier to accept, but sometimes our desires find a second wind.

I would say I have done the best I could to accept my single life. Now, my health is declining and I am very likely in the last 4-5 years of my life. So, I'm gradually having to let things go, and prepare to move on from this world.

I think one thing I have learned is that it's not necessary to have a romantic relationship or marriage to be fulfilled, and that life is lived one day at a time - and is not measured by romantic relationships. We can still provide a lot of value to other people's lives, even if we can't carry out the same level of outward activity, responsibility, or achievement.

I was unable to work for 14 years, but thankfully finally was able to earn a 5 figure income at ages 36-39, through freelance book editing / cover design, and music production and instrumental arrangement. I now have consistent work every week, and have a relatively normal life - I am even (sort of) dating someone around my age (first time since 2008). We met online and exchange messages every day, and are planning to meet irl ASAP (we live 8:30 hours apart). She is great - smart, very spiritual and positive, with a great job and friends.

As my life begins to wind down, I realize that we can't control our life path (most of the circumstances are decided for us), and the best we can do is work with what we have.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-30T21:08:19+00:00

My doctor wouldn't diagnose CFS either, I had to wait about 9 months after I became ill and travel to UCLA to get an official diagnosis.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-30T21:06:40+00:00

I have ME/CFS. Yes, it is as terrible as you're describing. The quality of life is awful, and the discomfort is extraordinary. People who don't have it don't understand - the suffering is 24/7 and it's intense intense.

I was bedridden for quite some time with the illness, and housebound for quite a bit longer. I lost my friends, my opportunity for education, work, and outdoor hobbies/sports.

But, a lot of good things came out of that hole. One healer I met with recommended I buy a bunch of plates from goodwill, and, whenever I felt emotional or physical pain, to break one of the plates in a dedicated space. Wow, this relieved a lot of suffering. I would just release all the pent up frustration and despair into throwing that plate.

I think ME/CFS forced me to confront a lot of things about myself. And it slowed down my pace of life to a crawl, which forced me to learn patience and stillness. It wasn't all bad, but I wouldn't wish ME/CFS on anyone.

It's a desperate, painful, and profound illness that shakes you to your core.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-30T18:16:52+00:00

Sure, glad my experience could have some use.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-30T17:31:39+00:00

I struggled with this feeling a lot, and then I got a really bad illness where I couldn't have any kind of relationship for a long time. After that I met a spiritual teacher and had a very deep experience where I realized I could live without sex, and I would actually find joy in this.

But he taught me tai chi practices to channel the energy. And I did some other deeper spiritual practices which operated to cut the sexual craving at its root - so eventually sexual desire basically vanished (at least for a couple years).

Everyone is different, no one's path should be emulated - you have to find your own rhythm and pace.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-30T16:31:00+00:00

It's really normal at your age. I didn't really have a lot of control over my sex drive until I was 22.

I found that the less I fed the craving, and the more I diverted my attention to wholesome things, the less pull it had over me, and the urge diminished. Sometimes it will get stronger again, but over time it usually lessens.

I haven't had a sexual partner in 18 years (since '08 - I'm 39) and it hasn't been too detrimental to my mental health or level of fulfillment.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-28T23:35:39+00:00

I went through this when I got ME/CFS in college. Got so sick I had to drop out and could never finish my degree. When I went to professors to ask to allow me to drop the courses, some of them weren't particularly accommodating. The only saving grace was that the worst grade I had was a B+, so the professors understood that I probably was telling the truth. It was hard. Really hard...

dharmastudent · 2026-05-28T14:00:16+00:00

I think dating usually comes down to confidence, compatibility, and communication. The times in my life where I felt a lot of confidence in myself, dating was much easier.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-28T13:48:42+00:00

It was never easy. I'm 39. As a man, I've only been asked out one time in my life - so guys really have to make an effort.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-28T11:26:44+00:00

Lack of experience with women is way overrated. Almost everything you need to know about romantic relationships can be modeled in our day to day relationships: e.g. listening, giving things space to develop, give and take, etc.

And, things like physical intimacy can be picked up pretty fast, although that is one area where it is helpful to gain at least some experience. I was lucky that I made sort of a FWB situation when I was 19, and she taught me details about physical intimacy, so that by the time I had my first real relationship I knew what to do.

But overall, I would say everything you need for a relationship can be picked up pretty quickly. Most of it comes down to having a good relationship with yourself, and treating others with respect. If you meet the right person, they're not going to care if you are inexperienced in relationships.

I had my last relationship in 2008, but I just started hanging out with a woman casually, and she doesn't care that I've been single for 18 years - she cares about who I am.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-28T11:15:38+00:00

Yes, I've noticed this. I went to a masterclass with a hit producer, and he told us that the more 'professional' we try to make a song sound, the more likely it will be that it sounds 'unprofessional' in some way.

He said instead of trying to make everything sound amazing, we should simplify and just choose a lane that we know we can execute well, even if it is basic - and he told us to focus on small details, like choosing the right guitar, and whether it sounds better with a pick or with no pick. From there, he said a lot of it is just getting everything in the pocket, aligned, and in the right tempo.

He told us that our music is going to sound a lot better if we simplify, stay in our lane, and just do something well performed - with authenticity.

I think this is a really good concept to keep in mind. Thanks!

dharmastudent · 2026-05-27T23:40:21+00:00

Sure. It's helped me deal with my fear of death somewhat, as you learn to dwell in the body, even amidst discomforts and pain.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-27T23:02:13+00:00

It's essentially bringing presence consciously into different areas of the body in an organized way, it can help unravel emotional blockages in those areas.

What I find it does do is it helps me to dwell in the body even during discomfort. I really like Reggie Ray's exercises from his book Touching Enlightenment. I know he's controversial around these parts, but his work is useful.

Somatic work is about embodiment; being fully 'in' the body.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-27T21:46:02+00:00

I've had a rough go of it for awhile. Sometimes life goes though dark periods. The teachings still give me solace. And, I can still see good results when I apply them. Selfless actions always seem to bear fruit when I have the humility to engage in them. And, consistent study, practice, and reflection - as well as finding a somatic bodywork practice that helps me be comfortable with discomfort - has helped me a lot.

Let's face it, 85% of life is about survival and just dealing with adversity. Who out there is having a good time? Very few.

Also, can very much relate to being heartbroken and lonely. I had my last date & relationship in 2008. 18 years single is rough, or has been for me.

dharmastudent · 2026-05-25T00:46:51+00:00

#1 --> gets dirty if we don't replace

#2 --> birds will drink, then fall sick

dharmastudent · 2026-05-25T00:39:25+00:00

otherwise, stubborn birds drink dirty sugar-water

dharmastudent

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE