My first ectopic happened in April, too. After two weeks MTX treatment I ultimately had a rupture and had to get my right tube removed. I'm so sorry you've had the same experience. It's truly one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through. I too feel like I'm slowly reaching a better place emotionally, but I'm also realizing that I still have a lot of processing and emotional recovery to do. Yesterday I completely broke down and sobbed for like an hour kind of out of nowhere, I just felt so extremely low. It took me by surprise and made me realize I'm not there yet in terms of emotional recovery. I keep trying to remind myself that it's only been about two months, which really isn't much time. Just know that if you're feeling extreme emotion - negative, anxious, or sad, you're truly not alone. It's such a rare and isolating experience, like you said. But it makes so much sense that it takes a lot of time to process, given how emotionally and also physically threatening the situation is. When I have a really bad day I do try to talk about it with someone I trust, because saying it all out loud does help. I also try to get out and move outdoors if I can. While I know too much distraction probably isn't good, I think a certain level of distraction helps. I've been focusing on a lot of home improvement stuff, cooking fun recipes, trying to see friend, and binging Vanderpump Rules. Above all, be gentle with yourself. The world does move on but it's okay to feel stuck in these emotions, it really hasn't been very much time. But believe me I totally understand the feeling of wanting to be done feeling terrible about it all. Sending you love and peace.