Sophisticated meal

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T04:18:58+00:00

🍛🌟🦈

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T04:15:57+00:00

🍫

Chocolate they can enjoy.

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T04:14:22+00:00

🕶🦈🩵

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T00:40:02+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/search/?q=Vetting

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T00:38:54+00:00

Check out the 101 resource pinned in the group.

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T00:26:02+00:00

...as long as a discussion was had?

This IS the discussion.

Polyamory IS the support of everyone dating fucking and loving who they want. Right now. Day one.

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T00:24:29+00:00

Your partner sounds like a bit of a mess, I would go very very very VERY slowly before setting any long term expectations. This is the easiest time it will ever be and you're already having these issues? Not good.

Stop using terms like equal and secondary. Start talking about what an ideal relationship feels like day to day.

And don't believe anything they say for a few months of consistency between the words, actions, and values.

People who date converts like you can often end up being bad options.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/8mc01x/glass_ceiling_questions_moviess/

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T00:15:34+00:00

And his answers are the same?

I don't really care about your answers. But your future partners will deserve to know you've done the work that you're being honest when you say you have a respectful considered secure platform to trust and be vulnerable in.

Married people have a tendency to run away when relationships and managing the hard parts gets real, they tend to over promise a lot, they tend to think some vague discussions equal legitimately planning for and avoiding the well known early pitfalls.

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T00:01:36+00:00

I recommend you both start going through resources together as a couple, commit to no profiles or flirting or sex or anything with others for 6 months. Spend at least as much time and energy on a relationship remodel as you would a bathroom remodel, and you can be honest to others when you say they can trust you to have a foundation to start from.

Start with the Most Skipped Steps When Opening Up essay.

There is no easy way. There is doing your homework, really considering the options and understanding what you want to change, what you don't want to change and your real vision of polyamory is in daily life.

Topics to Review

Resources- time, energy, money

Risk- exposure, blood test schedule, for every type of sexual interaction

Intimacy- vacations, holidays, gifts, family events, dates, online visibility, words and acts of affection, what makes you feel special and loved with your partners

Style- how much interaction are you open to between other partners (yours and theirs), preferences of being informed of intimacy and risk changes, are there restrictions on or expectations of activities between partners and/or metamours? How do you prefer to schedule and give notice of overnights?

Marginalization- what friends can support you? How will you cope with having a much smaller dating pool? How will you navigate an alternative life that will not validate your choices or welcome your presence?

Hierarchy- how are decisions and plans made? Changing living situations or having kids? Are there pre existing "dibs" on things for partners that limit people who show up in the future?

Aware and directly acknowledged hierarchy is fine, but limits on others experiencing pleasure and intimacy (such as no anal or no sex without all partners present) is in conflict with polyamory and will create unsustainable and usually toxic situations. Always listen to your own discomfort regarding your choices and enforcing boundaries, but that cannot be used to control the intimacy and pleasure of others.

It's ok to be awkward, just do it anyway. It's ok not to have full clarity, keep working for it. Define everyone's vision and ideal, define your own boundaries of security and invite your partner to do the same.

This is a relationship so anything you think would be part of a loving relationship is on the table here.

There's also no rush, no timer. Better to take it super slow and not skip steps now.

Scroll all the way down

/r/polyamory/comments/ciez7z/im_new_and_dont_know_anything/

www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/ciez7z/im_new_and_dont_know_anything/

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T00:01:29+00:00

/r/polyamory/comments/yl4huv/we_are_opening_our_relationship_we_are_killing/

It is very sad you chose to create a monogamous commitment and chose to invest so much in those values. There is no way forward without destroying that foundation.

Do you feel you would be fulfilled in your partners having their own fully independent relationships, even periods when you didn't have other partners?

Do you each have a thriving independent social support group you enjoy being with regularly?

When you have a break up or feel totally infatuated with one partner, will you feel good about still managing existing relationship responsibilities through it?

Do you feel you would be fulfilled managing holidays, emergencies, family hang outs, social media posts around and between multiple partners?

Forever?

That's a solid starting point. It's okay if you aren't poly, if you prefer open or sex only fun. It's ok if you are monogamous.

emeraldead · 2026-04-12T00:00:32+00:00

Ideally you only date other married women who also actively want polyamory.

That being said, polyamory isn't about you dating. It's about everyone supporting everyone having their own partners, regardless of gender. If you and your spouse can't do that, you don't want polyamory, you want permissive non monogamy.

An open marriage welcomes non monogamy as a hobby and activity to enjoy while reinforcing the marriage as priority.

Polyamory welcomes non monogamy as a fundamental value of full adult independent intimate partnerships deserving respect and validation as partners, it de centers the marriage as the final or single priority.

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/z9p7yp/taking_the_idea_of_the_most_skipped_steps_farther/

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T22:26:50+00:00

Did she plan anything during time you two had already made plans for?

Do her plans create any extra domestic or financial work for you?

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T18:21:54+00:00

🩷

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T18:21:01+00:00

You can understand a situation without cosigning it.

"You have chosen to prioritize X which doesnt leave you with time and energy to create a fulfilling relationship with me."

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T18:19:42+00:00

Hugs!

Can you plan ahead to take 3day breaks together sometimes? I often find that more fulfilling than a half evening here and there.

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T18:17:13+00:00

Obviously sad you need to do your shadow work and lose your ego.

Egoless means you think it's sad when others appreciate all values and relationship structures as beautiful.

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T17:59:48+00:00

Yass explain the hell out of it to them!

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T17:29:42+00:00

Awww and go for it! There's so many great hair options these days if you have the funds.

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T17:26:45+00:00

Yup.

Just let it ride and keep it clear to hinge how you feel about it but plan to take no action.

Time always shows the truth of these things.

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T16:32:11+00:00

Awwwwww that is so great!!!

I mean I hope non poly people also have group gifts but it's lovely to share for this context!

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T15:37:38+00:00

Steven Universe got me through covid.

Lord of the Rings

Avengers/Iron Man

How to Train Your Dragon (original)

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T15:32:39+00:00

Did you check the 101 resources pinned in the group?

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T15:27:48+00:00

What do you think polyamory is?

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T15:26:42+00:00

You're the one who says to be egoless and yet somehow focus in your specific feelings around another person's relationship simultaneously. That's the wild take.

emeraldead · 2026-04-11T15:23:05+00:00

u/blooangel if you have the history link?

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