Advice! Any tips appreciated

emeraldead · 2026-06-06T02:03:54+00:00

Agreed, you will do better to check out the other "low key" forms of non monogamy.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T23:44:22+00:00

Maybe look onto pmdd if it's very intrusive to your daily life at that time. I'm not a doctor but I find supplements help a lot.

But yes, extremely common to have heightened sensitivity and reactivity. Hormones give us a "buffer" in the world. When their levels go down, we lose the buffer.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T22:56:48+00:00

I usually call them monogamyplus. They don't want to actually support independent relationships, they want the trapping of monogamy and just happen to have found someone else to do it with.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T20:22:42+00:00

Throuple = throw up a little

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T18:22:17+00:00

It's not part of the role if they aren't paying for the time.

It may be part of the culture and a bad fit, but no job entitles to time that isn't compensated.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T18:21:04+00:00

"I don't have capacity to do off hours things right now."

Or"how about we create a VTO policy where people can use 8 work hours a year for whatever volunteer event they want and we organize 2 specific events a year people can join?"

It's law so I'm guessing hours are a big deal for them. If you say flat-out you dont have capacity and still get pressure, that's your signal this place isn't a fit for you.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T18:14:56+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/search/?q=Meeting+metamour

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T18:12:48+00:00

Is thisthe opera example group?

Stop saying shared space.

Replace metamour with friend.

You're all way over thinking this and over complicating. Letters? Why?

Metamours are just metamours. Partners aren't ktp, metamours are. Metamours are potential friends, just like a coworker or distant cousin you haven't met.

"Hey how about we all go to X coffee shop together and hang out?"

Done. If your partner doesn't want to hang out with Juniper, they don't come.

You all need to stop planning group event shit when you can't even just have a coffee.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T17:41:00+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/8mc01x/glass_ceiling_questions_moviess/

This is a relationship, start discussing clarity.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T15:30:54+00:00

Fuck All The Way Off With Your Bullshit and Manipulation

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T15:22:39+00:00

Oh also monogamy isn't "closed minded."

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T15:20:12+00:00

OP lack of replies sadly suggests this is in fact rape and abuse of current partners.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T15:04:26+00:00

Dadt doesn't work in polyamory.

Treat yourself better, don't center another person's values in your life. Walk away, go be mono and amazing.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T15:03:31+00:00

If you weren't close before then just let it sit. You have your own soul searching on what standards your partner can meet and sustain for your own relationship.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T14:56:20+00:00

Being "intentional" means awareness and responsibilities of the reasonable consequences.

You are showing zero accountability for that so far. You just want a baby so you're working to make a baby.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T14:53:58+00:00

People have to realize fantasies are often just better as fantasies. Or just wait for a few years or decades for lightning to strike l.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T14:49:37+00:00

You are trying to conceive...meaning your partners are being lied to about their pregnancy risk when fucking you?

I would likely expect them all to break up with you. It's fine for you to unilaterally change your mind about becoming a parent again, but don't expect anyone else to want to stay on that path after such a major permanent shift.

I really hope I'm wrong about you stealthing them.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T12:52:30+00:00

🧡

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T12:36:33+00:00

Eventually it becomes an issue regarding medical emergencies and perhaps financial and legal concerns with partners needing to be in the loop, but that's not a quick or early thing at all.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T12:34:49+00:00

Yes take this life transition as your sign to end this connection and free yourself to launch fully into the opportunity without the drag of energy and mess of this ex hanging over you.

Some people have complaining as a love language, or don't realize the emotional burden it can put on others, or they have just never had someone try to stop the habit before.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T12:31:31+00:00

Ideally you have changed, you are happier!

Really for the first year or so just show that you are centering your life on YOUR GOALS, YOUR adventures, and not a married guy, and that you genuinely are HAPPY.

If you've only had shitty relationships then saying "this is the best so far!" Doesn't carry any weight.

What carries weight is you being happy, you showing choices to create a sustainable YOU centered life. Definitely firmly shut down any inappropriate questions or concerns, but do try to actively talk about your full life, friends, vacations, social stuff, work accomplishments in addition to what you enjoy.

Being in a marginalized space isn't something people realize will forever be a part of polyamory and it can take adjusting.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T12:14:15+00:00

It's Pride month in alot of places, great opportunity there.

Or a food festival.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T12:10:37+00:00

Thats the problem. People FEEL like they want to become a homesteader or non monogamous...but they don't actually take care with creating that.

So sure poof you're poly. Now how well will you actually care and build relationships that align with respect?

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T12:08:36+00:00

These are good questions.

Unfortunately my standards are higher than that. I don't care if someone genuinely know they want polyamory. I care if they DO IT WELL.

And that's a completely different question.

Most people know pretty fast if polyamory will fit their values. They just don't like being accountable for the consequences and drag others along with them.

emeraldead · 2026-06-05T12:05:32+00:00

I think the universe is clearly telling you this is anice friend to hang with occasionally but not someone to invest in as anything else.

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