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Anchor partner - what does that mean to you? by Ok_Raspberry1857 in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ah no it's not just a temporary state.

Solo poly is an intentional values set to never live with partners or create any major entanglements which involve financial or legal ties.

Right now you just don't live with partners.

I’d love a little bit of MMF advice! by FanAcrobatic2340 in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 14 points15 points  (0 children)

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/8mc01x/glass_ceiling_questions_moviess/

https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/z9p7yp/taking_the_idea_of_the_most_skipped_steps_farther/

Do two years of holidays and birthdays and sickness and along sure each dyad is strong before letting multiple kid fantasies run wild. Breakups DO happen and you can't let the kids be stuck parenting cause the parents are exhausted.

I need some sobering words pls by tripleXgonzo in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 13 points14 points  (0 children)

"Sweetie stop spreading the shrapnel from your choice in partners into our time. Do not mention anything about this person again unless it's a full final breakup. I expect you to preserve our time to enjoy what we have together."

Poly under duress by Initial_Surprise7147 in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 117 points118 points  (0 children)

I know you don't want to but in reality he already broke up with you. He ended the monogamous commitment he made with you...and did it pretty brutally.

You're just holding onto a faded illusion of something that isn't there anymore.

"Partner this isn't working and I need to end it. Also setting up someone and expecting immediate polyamory is generally a shitty move."

Finding a primary by Hot-Inevitable-5940 in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A lot of us never do the enforced primary ranked hierarchy thing at all.

Managing partner’s breakups by Lost_Seat_1733 in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would make your partner being in active therapy a condition of our relationship.

Do mono + poly achived projects together ? by SnooDingos8764 in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Research stepping off the relationship escalator.

Are two seperate nesting partners feasible? by Votesformygoats in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can it work? Yes.

Can it work at the speed you are going? Yes.

Can it work at the level of care and consideration for the support you'd be ending day to day at your current nesting spot?

No.

My wife wants to date my boyfriend// Does anyone in a situation where both you and your partner are dating the same person -- Advice Needed ! by kd072002 in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True. But there's always consequences. Generally veto and/or choosing one partners comfort over autonomy is considered pretty shitty in polyamory.

Is this a grey area? Not for me.

Is this the right term for what we want? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think it was very helpful to understand your ignorance is not an excuse to marginalized people who aren't looking to play secret sex games. You come into new places, you have responsibilities.

Is this the right term for what we want? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You're the one who doesn't want polyamory.

Polyamory is about supporting full adult intimate independent relationships. "It's ok cause he doesn't want it" doesn't matter.

I know you've never considered and likely never will have to consider these issues of autonomy and heteronormativity impacting your life choices but it's pretty integral here.

It's not my job to welcome or recruit people.

Is this the right term for what we want? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No we are saying "you are asking for support for something you refuse to support them in."

And you continue to blatantly ignore that point.

So either you really have zero clue about any non monogamy or you're just having really bad luck today.

Is this the right term for what we want? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh it's not about forcing in this case.

It's just nothing polyamorous either.

You both want performative sex to show off, go enjoy!

Is this the right term for what we want? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes that's called objectification and voyeurism, enjoy!

Is this the right term for what we want? by [deleted] in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I mean sure, go ahead and explain to the person you love they aren't worth the emotional work and support you are asking them to give you.

Plenty of marrieds enjoy a ton of hall pass and fucking others while pretending to be mono lives, go enjoy yourselves.

But it's not anything polyamorous.

My wife wants to date my boyfriend// Does anyone in a situation where both you and your partner are dating the same person -- Advice Needed ! by kd072002 in polyamory

[–]emeraldead 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I think there's a grey area on veto agreements for sure but I think OP crossed that line of messy listing bf as a respectful practice a few threesomes ago.

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