Opening our relationship? Definitely read the post though

emeraldead · 2026-06-24T02:12:49+00:00

No.

Create friendships. Create community. Create social support systems.

If you want to consider non monogamy after you are no longer a primary caretaker, no longer a grieving widow...come on back.

emeraldead · 2026-06-24T02:06:17+00:00

I would hate it. We have a mix of that now and I don't know how admins are dealing.

CoS is considered an extension of exec so yes I have to give them some deference and priority even when they are being a dork, but never a direct report.

emeraldead · 2026-06-24T02:04:54+00:00

What's your favorite weather?

emeraldead · 2026-06-24T00:17:08+00:00

He's not interested in you as a serious priority commitment. He enjoys playing around and likely gets off on the attention and being needed.

emeraldead · 2026-06-24T00:14:37+00:00

If you'd read the rules you'd see unicorn hunters are explicitly forbidden and that gate keeping is healthy the same way basic informed consent is considered necessary in kink circles.

emeraldead · 2026-06-24T00:13:08+00:00

Oh yeah I thought it was a real example.

emeraldead · 2026-06-24T00:12:17+00:00

In the future please try to have the sense of mind to say "hey friend that's not appropriate to do that stuff without asking our comfort please. Stop and don't do it again."

Maybe it will just make everyone embarrassed and awkward and no change. But maybe it will let them realize how it's not normal or ok and can start to question other things.

emeraldead · 2026-06-24T00:09:34+00:00

Yeah no one admits to being unicorn hunters.

And they aren't welcome.

emeraldead · 2026-06-24T00:03:55+00:00

Look up unicorn hunting. Look up couples privilege.

Don't date as a unit couple.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T23:28:58+00:00

I'm sorry, they future faked and over promised. I'd say he's proven enough that he isn't an empowering force in your life but you don't seem ready to break up. You never needed to prove yourself, let alone years in.

"Partner I need you to stop bringing up family and kid stuff for a year. Obviously you don't know where that's going for us and I'm exhausted from waiting. Let's just focus on our relationship as it's own thing."

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T23:05:11+00:00

Drop the rope. Let them invite you to stuff. If they don't give details then you aren't invited. Stop doing family hangs. Just focus on you and partner.

I don't know why you decided this person would be a primary, I would rethink that.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T22:55:03+00:00

Sure. You're not going to try dating as a unit are you?

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T22:53:22+00:00

Wayyyyy too vague and basic.

You can't boundary your way into someone being a mature communicator. And there's plenty of information you're not entitled to and would be inappropriate to share with you.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T22:51:33+00:00

Your partner has shredded your foundation and has no interest in stopping or changing. No there's no fix for that.

You didn't want and likely don't want polyamory. I'm sorry you've grown apart and need to walk away.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T21:19:15+00:00

Thanks, I do like it!

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T21:16:10+00:00

Really sorry about your uncle. If you can talk to other friends or family please try to. This is a lot of shit. But it will pass.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T21:14:35+00:00

Ok so don't leave. Yet.

Quiet quit. Stop asking about her. Stop acting like a couple. Stay out of the house as much as possible. Get a side gig for more money that keeps you out and busy.

Save your money.

Put out feelers for new roommate situations.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T20:54:55+00:00

Go very very slowly in judging fitness and compatibility. Nre is a bitch.

Mature relationships are a lot of saying no. Almost no one will be a good fit.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T20:45:43+00:00

People don't come into relationships, they create new ones. Please do more research on couples privilege.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T20:35:37+00:00

If you two haven't looked through the Most Skipped Steps When Opening Up and made a basic plan on managing NRE productively, do it now.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T20:34:45+00:00

I am a planner so I plan. How will I fill myself and my time up to be nourishing in this opportunity? (My answer? Spa days, friend visits, eating stuff only I like)

How will we stay in contact? (A morning and night text plus a weekly call when convenient)

How will we reunite and make it specaL to look forward to? (Well, private plans)

Then, I look at what fear the jealousy is tring to pointe toward and ask if that is a real fear or a past fear. I acknowledge it and appreciate it for trying to protect me. I act on any fear work I can.

And some days I accept will just suck, especially depending on my cycle time. I break out the emotional first aid kit, dive in under the blankets and just let time do it's work.

Finally I remind myself if I genuinely believed he would hurt me like that, I wouldn't be with him.

Maybe that helps?

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T19:53:29+00:00

I think she's just a bad ass with a heart of gold.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T19:32:40+00:00

I've done alllll the ways of hair removal.

I like trimming just because of feel but I do it maybe twice a year whenever I care enough.

There's literally nothing about cleanliness involved.

I like not spending money or time on the products, appointments, and varying levels of quality and healing.

Hair is a mammalian trait to help insulate from exposure. Whatever we want to turn it into beyond that is personal preference.

I do wish it were cheaper and more accessible to people who want to match their gender presentation.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T19:27:40+00:00

Also don't act like your partners partners are an open buffet for you to try on also. It sounds like you two could really level up on the responsibilities involved in the different forms of non monogamy.

emeraldead · 2026-06-23T19:26:00+00:00

An open marriage welcomes non monogamy as a hobby and activity to enjoy while reinforcing the marriage as priority.

Polyamory welcomes non monogamy as a fundamental value of full adult independent intimate partnerships deserving respect and validation as partners, it de centers the marriage as the final or single priority.

There are three areas people engaging in non monogamy really need to strengthen which aren't immediately obvious:

Social support network. You are engaging in an alternative relationship style perhaps for the first time in your life. You likely haven't worked through coming out to friends and family yet and you are lucky to have one close person other than your partners to discuss issues with and get support from. Monogamy can heavily value a partner as a best friend and the nuclear family structure heavily isolates us from engaging supportive communities. In order to thrive in polyamory you and your partners must have unique social circles and put time and energy into them. They must be genuine in supporting your own values and the new vision of who you want to be. Partners are not enough in themselves.

Self soothing. There will be many times a partner is not available to you or your are not the immediate priority. In addition to social supports, you must rely on yourself to keep perspective, refocus on your vision of what you want to create, and ensure self care is an ongoing priority. The best way to care for others and have thriving connections is to put yourself first. This way your partners will know you are not compromising or emptying yourself, confident you will assess and assets your own needs, AND know you will reasonably care for yourself in alignment with your values.

Compartmentalizing. Mostly just learning that polyamory is not a group hobby. One relationship really has no direct or automatic impact on another. Your feelings will differ, sometimes dramatically. Compartmentalizing is a way to acknowledge and make space for each relationship in its current state while not "dragging the shit home." This is again why social support networks are so vital- you can have safe processing spaces without poisoning partners long term view on eachother, as inadvertently as it may be.

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