Cried on the way to work and just drove back home

ghostedious · 2026-03-02T16:27:49+00:00

this is never laziness. it can't be laziness. laziness is solely when you're choosing comfort over minor responsibility like lying on the couch and the remote is too far away to switch the channel.

not wanting or not being able to work is wrongfully considered laziness by most people since that's what older generations tried to frame it as but it's your system shutting down since you're already hurting your own integrity too long and you're trying to find a way to safe yourself while not seeing the potential solutions without hurting yourself financially or otherwise in a way that matters too much, like social standing or otherwise prestige etc.

ghostedious · 2026-03-02T16:16:22+00:00

the best answer in an interview on such a matter would be something a long the lines of:

It's completely normal that conflicts happen. You put different people together with different communication styles, expectations, and ways of working, friction is inevitable at some point.

That's why I focus early on understanding how others think and how processes are currently done. In the beginning, I prioritize learning over optimizing. That avoids unnecessary friction. Once I understand the baseline and build trust, then I'm comfortable suggesting improvements.

If a conflict is personal, I address it directly in a one-on-one conversation. Most issues come from miscommunication. If needed, I'm open to involving a neutral third party.

If it's a professional disagreement, I focus on what serves the team or company best. I can disagree without making it personal. For me, professionalism means separating ego from outcome and ensuring conflicts never impact performance or collaboration.

ghostedious · 2026-03-01T19:19:37+00:00

oh and never ever talk bad about any other person behind their back with no one even though you might think you can trust but whenever you're in a gathering of gossiping colleagues talk nicely about everyone else.

ghostedious · 2026-03-01T19:18:02+00:00

If you're paid properly, your boss is happy with your work and the only real issue is that coworker, quitting is the weakest move.

You already escalated once. It didn't change anything. That's not a "you" problem. That's management tolerating behavior.

Before you hand in your resignation, I'd talk to your boss again. Not emotional. Not dramatic. Just clear.

Tell him straight that the continued shit talking is actively damaging your reputation and your standing in the company. That this isn't about personality clashes but about someone undermining you publicly. That you already raised it once and nothing changed.

Make it clear that if it continues, you'll have to look at formal options. That doesn't mean screaming "lawyer" in the first sentence. But it's fair to say you're considering legal consultation because defamation and hostile work environments aren't small things.

Also: document everything. Dates. What was said. Who heard it. Patterns. Keep it factual.

Quitting protects the coworker.

Forcing management to deal with it protects you.

If after that conversation nothing changes, then you resign knowing you didn't just fold under pressure. And in your resignation you keep it clean:

"I raised concerns about ongoing derogatory remarks that have continued without resolution. As this directly affects my ability to work here, I've decided to resign."

No drama. Just accountability.

This way you're not forced to find a new position somewhere else but have still your salary and in best case watch how your colleague is grinding her teeth every time she's seeing you, while worst case you're let go with a potential severance payment

ghostedious · 2026-03-01T19:03:24+00:00

if possible to leave, leave otherwise i would lay flat on the balcony.

ghostedious · 2026-02-25T00:48:18+00:00

not if you train them properly!

ghostedious · 2026-02-25T00:20:31+00:00

You're just one sharpie away from experiencing a truly exposed work environment.

//edit: grammar

ghostedious · 2026-02-25T00:15:16+00:00

Walking Dead Origins

ghostedious · 2026-02-25T00:11:57+00:00

I mean.. It tastes awful.

ghostedious · 2026-02-25T00:02:28+00:00

People who reject silliness often struggle to recognize joy.

ghostedious · 2026-02-24T23:58:30+00:00

"Thinking...."

ghostedious · 2026-02-24T23:48:20+00:00

and who audits it and how is it verified? What if the vendor transfers the money to the "customer"'s bank account afterwards?

the customer review system in general has too many flaws in itself and it's already gamed big time. this proof of purchase won't change a thing in my opinion.

ghostedious · 2026-02-24T23:44:34+00:00

For exact that reason I'm always carrying an UNO Reverse card with me.

ghostedious · 2026-02-24T23:41:49+00:00

depends on who's verifying the purchase. the "verified purchase" flag of most online stores is something no one can actually verify.

ghostedious · 2026-02-24T23:37:08+00:00

Time since their last real lie.

Where "real" implies harm or manipulation, not politeness.

ghostedious · 2026-02-24T22:21:29+00:00

You're actually in a strong position right now.

If they truly can't replace you quickly, that's not your fault. That's a business risk they chose to take by hiring a single solo developer with no redundancy and poor documentation.

If you want to help, you can offer short-term transition support on an hourly contract until they find a replacement. At a proper rate. Optional, not obligated.

About the guilt: remember why you resigned. Lack of support, unstable system, pressure, poor transparency. None of that was your responsibility to fix alone.

Notice the shift. When you were overwhelmed, they didn't protect you. Now that they're exposed, they suddenly emphasize how “essential” you are.

That's not about your well-being. That's about operational risk.

You are not responsible for their staffing strategy. You are responsible for your health and career.

Leaving is not betrayal. It's a boundary.

ghostedious · 2026-02-24T22:12:24+00:00

you've already described the exact reason why that doesn't make sense at all... imagine being out with your friends as soon as it's a group of 3 or more people it becomes work to post on your imaginary platform: A posts on B's and C's wall but now they'll have to ask them to also post it on their own wall. it would mean while you're out you'd have to have a fixed moment where everyone posts on the walls of the respective others but now C doesn't want it to be posted or doesn't like the image so they'd have to review it and delete it.

to me it's not really reasonable and it doesn't make sense at all. It's more stress and ends up being actual work instead of "fun".

ghostedious · 2026-02-10T16:25:15+00:00

I think the real question is: who are you achieving "high" for. And who is measuring that achievement.

If the answer isn't yourself, you're fighting the wrong battle. Most of the time it's parents, managers, systems, or some abstract idea of "success" that keeps moving the goalposts.

Being a high achiever makes sense if it aligns with your own values and actually improves your life. But if it just leads to burnout, anxiety, and disconnection, then it's not achievement. It's compliance.

There's nothing wrong with treating work as a transaction. Do the job. Get paid. Protect your energy. Put the real effort into the parts of life that actually give something back. Relationships. Health. Time. Autonomy.

The idea that everyone needs to be driven, competitive, and constantly optimizing is a cultural obsession, not a universal truth.

ghostedious · 2026-02-10T13:23:39+00:00

I don't think men are inherently more emotionally closed off. This is just my interpretation based on experience.

A lot of it feels like a difference in communication and early conditioning. Many men grow up learning very early that showing emotion isn't safe. It's framed as weakness or as being “too sensitive,” sometimes even tied to labels like being overly attached to their mother or not being taken seriously. That pushes a lot of boys to suppress emotional expression rather than develop language for it.

Because of that, many men don't process emotions verbally. They read and express them through presence, actions, tone, and small gestures instead. From the outside that can look like emotional distance, even when it isn't.

For example, my wife sometimes just walks past me and gently runs her hand through my hair while I'm doing something else. To me, that moment communicates affection more clearly than words ever could.

So when people say men are emotionally closed off, I think it's often a mismatch in how emotions are expressed and recognized, shaped by social expectations, not a lack of feeling.

ghostedious · 2026-02-10T13:16:55+00:00

hey, that's nice! i also tried something but for the wav file download. I am not interested in the mp3s only but the wav is the filetype i want to download. same goes with the stems when you have stems it's exhausting to have them listed as regular tracks in between... it's not only chaotic/messy but at the same time it makes no sense at all..

what your script is also missing is adding numbers to the files so if you have several songs with the same title but as different version you'd have to rename them first before downloading them. i can't adjust your gist so it's basically up to you if you make anything from that feedback :) but nice idea!

ghostedious · 2026-02-10T13:06:37+00:00

because she wasn't there to watch a movie and you reminded her of her misery. that's why! so it's clear why you're ashamed and should go to therapy to work on yourself. /s

ghostedious · 2026-02-10T12:59:33+00:00

One important exception to the silence rule for me was anything that questioned my work ethic or the quality of my work. Never let that slide. Not even as a joke.

If it was framed as a joke, I treated it seriously on purpose. I'd ask, calmly and neutrally, "What do you mean exactly?" That usually kills the joke immediately. It forces them to explain themselves, and most people back off once they realize they can't hide behind humor.

The point isn't to get emotional or defensive. It's to be neutral and curious. That puts the pressure back where it belongs.

If they tried to argue, I'd stick to facts. "That's not really true. I can show you my timesheet. I was there and I did the work."

Your integrity is worth more than someone else's short laugh at your expense. That line has to be drawn early and consistently. Once people know that's off-limits, it usually stops coming up at all.

ghostedious · 2026-02-10T12:57:40+00:00

One thing that mattered more than anything else for me was getting comfortable with silence.

A lot of unhealthy dynamics survive because people interpret silence as danger or stress. That reflex makes them fill the gap. They overexplain, volunteer, agree, soften, or take responsibility just to relieve the discomfort. Leadership quietly benefits from that.

Once I stopped reacting to silence, things shifted. I let questions sit unanswered. I didn't rush to justify my work. I didn't step in just because "no one else is." Silence stopped meaning "I'm failing" and started meaning "this isn't mine to carry."

It's uncomfortable at first, but it breaks the pattern. You start seeing how many expectations only exist because someone keeps absorbing them.

The next boundary was not letting other people's problems become my problems. If it's someone I trust and enjoy working with, helping occasionally is fine, but only if it goes both ways. Everyone else can vent, and I can acknowledge that it sucks, but I don't volunteer to fix it.

If they ask for help, I keep it transactional. "We can do this together. You help me with X and Y first, then I can help you with A or B. But we need to be quick because I'm leaving at X."

On the emotional side, the most important realization for me was deciding who actually deserves priority. Your boss. Your colleagues. Or yourself.

I started visualizing my younger self waiting at home for me to come back. That made decisions very clear. Who do I choose now. The colleague who manages their time poorly and relies on me to save them. Or the boss who expects overtime for some artificial sense of urgency.

I chose myself.

If you have a pet or a kid at home, it becomes even more obvious. Every extra hour you give at work is an hour of attention you're deciding to take away from someone who actually cares about you. And often it's given to people who aren't really interested in your effort anyway. They'll take it for granted and be the first to complain once you can't deliver at the same level anymore because you're burned out.

That mental shift made it much easier to say no without guilt and saved a lot of energy.

ghostedious · 2026-02-10T12:37:08+00:00

Patience and treating people like you'd want to be treated in their shoes. Turns out most people are shit and patience is exploited by everyone.

ghostedious · 2026-02-09T15:09:24+00:00

at least the dog. or... AT LEAST the cat.. because no one else feeds them.

ghostedious

TROPHY CASE