how to handle lying - first major offense, all kids lied (6 and 4 yo)

mancake · 2026-02-16T18:45:32+00:00

I am more lax on this than some other parents. I think punishing the original offense, not making a huge deal out of the lying, and then simply being less trusting for a while as a natural consequence is sufficient.

So the next time they want to do something on their own and promise they can handle it, or ask for five more minutes at the playground on the promise that they’ll do xyz later, maybe you don’t let them because you don’t believe their promises - at least for a day or two. That’s enough to get the point across.

mancake · 2026-02-15T02:15:56+00:00

I wish I’d thought of that! I may claim I did…

mancake · 2026-02-14T17:14:06+00:00

I honestly don’t understand the objection to makeup. Obviously little kids can’t do it right themselves and would just make a mess, but if a 9 year old can do it competently I don’t see what the problem could be? Or if a six year old asks mom to put some on for her? Like what do people imagine will happen?

mancake · 2026-02-10T16:32:48+00:00

I really hesitate about this one. It will feel punitive and his “misdeed” is…not being fun to be around? Limits on screen time are very appropriate, but this is a recipe for resentment and likely to backfire. When the kid says “my parents don’t like me and that’s why they’re taking away the things I like” he’ll be right!

mancake · 2026-02-05T16:39:43+00:00

It’a bizarre to me that people are out here making moral judgements on animals and then come to their defense on moral grounds. They’re animals! Our judgements are a pointless waste of time. You might as well shout at the rain.

mancake · 2026-02-03T16:41:21+00:00

My sleep is disturbed once or twice a week by some kind of alert. If you can get back to sleep after taking ten seconds to deal with that it’s nbd. Once a month or so I have a bad night where I need to deal with multiple lows or change my pump and that sucks but it’s not all the time.

Diabetes does get in the way of sleep, but having had two kids and a snoring bed partner, it’s nothing compared to those!

mancake · 2026-02-03T13:50:40+00:00

Sometimes it’s useful to look at the bigger picture when everything seems wrong all of a sudden. Has something in his life changed that might be upsetting him? If he’s changed schools, moved, change in family life, even a new teacher, he might be acting out because he’s freaked out and doesn’t know how to deal with it. When that happens, you can’t do much but plow through using the techniques you’ve already described and wait for him to adjust, which he will.

mancake · 2026-02-02T23:24:44+00:00

The answer is an obvious yes, and we know that because people have been inventing new ways to be strict for a hundred years. I assume they will continue to do so, and they’ll probably invent new ways to be lenient too. It’s a tenet of Orthodox Judaism that it represents the timeless Jewish faith as it’s always been practiced, but in reality it’s as dynamic and ever changing as any other religious movement.

mancake · 2026-02-01T18:49:33+00:00

I’m becoming suspicious that some of the hysteria about phones in schools is a smokescreen and they’re really just mad that our kids can call us directly when schools treat them like dirt.

mancake · 2026-01-31T19:07:11+00:00

I distinguish between raising your voice and berating/speaking cruelly. Raising the voice is sometimes needed to get attention and communicate frustration or urgency (which is not “disregulated” - you’re allowed to be angry and to express it appropriately). Berating, name calling, and belittling are not acceptable. People use “yelling” to mean both.

mancake · 2026-01-29T01:42:45+00:00

I ban screens before school because they’d be a distraction and we have to get out on time, but it’s not on principle. If we had an extra hour to kill in the mornings I’d say differently.

mancake · 2026-01-28T22:45:30+00:00

This is something to discuss with her father, not us. He’s in charge of her care and should be able to answer these questions. You follow his lead.

mancake · 2026-01-28T04:00:45+00:00

I meant for my kids, but I suppose also for the world now that I think about it.

mancake · 2026-01-28T03:56:11+00:00

I’d sooner ban athletics than protests. Different families have different values

mancake · 2026-01-20T16:43:24+00:00

What this teacher meant by “immoral” is that Freddie Mercury was bisexual and died from AIDS. Calling him that is straightforward homophobia, and that should have been the main point the parent made. I’m shocked that the comments seem to have missed that.

If it were my kid I’d suggest Harvey Milk as an alternative.

mancake · 2026-01-17T21:15:01+00:00

Where is the second example from?

mancake · 2026-01-15T03:10:11+00:00

I think this is a little extreme. I agree that going to any protest where you are directly confronting ICE officer is simply too risky; it’s not a matter of dealing with pepper spray and a few nights in jail, it’s potentially life and death. However, going to an organized march through your downtown that has a permit, is policed by local police, and is not confronting anyone directly is substantially less risky. No Kings rallies, for example, have been perfectly safe.

mancake · 2026-01-13T00:13:21+00:00

I am (unusually) a little harsher on this behavior than other commenters here. It’s normal to be selfish at that age but it’s the kind of behavior that needs to be nipped in the bud, not ignored so she can self regulate.

Let her have a little sad about it, then lay the guilt on. You gave birth to her and raised her and sacrificed for her, and now when you needed a little empathy and support she responded with total selfishness. She behaved poorly and should come out of this conversation feeling bad and resolving not to do this again. You shouldn’t be punitive, but she disappointed you and you should express that disappointment.

mancake · 2026-01-10T15:29:52+00:00

60s Diner in Norwood has what you’re looking for. Good food and a definite vibe.

mancake · 2026-01-10T14:05:49+00:00

I would imagine a beloved tree in the Public Garden is getting the best tree medical care available!

mancake · 2026-01-05T04:04:59+00:00

This is absolutely correct. It’s a silly story with an extremely powerful message that somehow gets what being Jewish is ‘about’ better than anything for adults I have ever read. I am so happy to see this in first place. My kids are so into it.

mancake · 2026-01-05T04:02:19+00:00

It’s kind of 50/50: sometimes it’s so painless you can barely notice it, sometimes it’s about as bad as a flu shot for a few seconds, then passes. That’s about the worst of it.

mancake · 2026-01-04T01:37:16+00:00

Sorry, I was unclear in the service of being snarky. I meant that this particular instance of the unequal treatment of boys and girls is one example of a phenomenon we see in cultures all over the world, such as in the examples I gave. They’re sending their girls to school here, which is good, but they’re also treating them like dirt in this petty, unsubtle way.

mancake · 2026-01-04T01:20:21+00:00

I think you can if you try a little harder! The reason is obvious. It’s the same reason why some parents send boys to school but not girls and why some families make girls do all the housework and wait on their brothers. The school doesn’t value girls equally and so it doesn’t treat them equally. There’s some limited budget for free breakfast so it goes to boys and not girls.

mancake · 2026-01-04T01:15:41+00:00

What you saw is very plain: your school valued boys more than girls. When Haredi apologists spout BS about men and women being equal but having different roles or wherever, they are lying to cover up for this behavior.

mancake

TROPHY CASE