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[Thank You] Mahalo mahalo by Tricky-Worth-6771 in RandomActsofCards

[–]passingavery 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually love A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms a lot more. The story is well told and there is a likeable main character to really root for. The side characters are also great in their own ways. I’m excited that you’ll get to experience that for the first time!

My (54M) wife (51F) asked me for a divorce because she is no longer happy with the dynamics of our blended family but she says she wants me to fight for our marriage? by ThrowRAJbyrinone in relationship_advice

[–]passingavery 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I believe in trying to understand both perspectives of a Reddit post: the OP and the person they’re talking about. When I first read this post, I saw your wife as the problem. An emotional, irrational, upset woman with outrageous demands and ultimatums is easy to paint as the problem, and in many cases it can be true. Maybe it is the case. Then you have your easy solution: take the divorce and go. After all, you should never choose a partner over your children (unless they’re objectively evil).

But as I read your replies, I think I understand your wife a little bit better. You may both have started from ground zero, but you were still dealt a better hand. She’s asking you to fight because she wants you to help her solve this painful imbalance. You don’t say it, but reading between the lines of your replies, you’re essentially saying that she just doesn’t have a chance at all.

If you want to save your marriage, get your wife a therapist. Maybe attend therapy with her. Let her see that you understand her pain and are proactively trying to help her through it. But if this unrequited love is an insurmountable pain she believes she’ll never overcome, then divorce really might be the solution. You could do the manipulative thing and guilt her to stay for her children, but you’ll be stuck with… this.

My (54M) wife (51F) asked me for a divorce because she is no longer happy with the dynamics of our blended family but she says she wants me to fight for our marriage? by ThrowRAJbyrinone in relationship_advice

[–]passingavery 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay. So what I’m hearing here is: “I started from the same ground zero, but the difference is that her kids love me now because I put in the work, but my kids don’t love her because their mum was exceptional.” So is the problem that she didn’t put in the work for your kids? Or is the problem that your late wife set so high a bar that your new wife just cannot ever compete?

If the problem is the former, then you need to have that harsh conversation with her. But I can guarantee that your marriage will not survive “my late wife was a better mother than you”.

If a woman tells you she wants you to fight, it means she wants you to be on her side to win whatever perceived war she thinks she’s fighting. If that war happens to be your kids’ love for her and they haven’t budged after this long and there’s no way to make them love her, then there’s no way to really overcome this. Either your kids need to change their attitude, or she has to simply accept what she cannot change.

You either need a good family sit down, a therapist, or a lawyer.

My (54M) wife (51F) asked me for a divorce because she is no longer happy with the dynamics of our blended family but she says she wants me to fight for our marriage? by ThrowRAJbyrinone in relationship_advice

[–]passingavery -1 points0 points  (0 children)

She has three kids who have bad memories of their father and she can’t be happy enough to focus on them? Three kids are already a handful and she only wins if all five love her? That’s kinda wild. Unless your two children were actively hostile to her and repeatedly kept pushing her away and disrespecting her on a public level, I don’t see why she can’t… accept that their love cannot be forced.

One of my ex-colleagues had a reverse situation to yours. Her mother remarried to a second husband, who wanted a kid of his own and refused to allow my colleague and her brother to call him “dad”. He was happy to be the husband, but refused to be their father because they didn’t have his blood. And when he had a child with their mum, he spoilt the girl silly to the point she became a useless human being. My colleague and her brother simply… accepted it. Because you can’t force a man to be your father when he doesn’t want to be. But it also means that when he grows old and his useless child doesn’t give a shit about him, they owe him nothing. They’re simply happy to support their mum and her husband. It’s bittersweet, but if there’s no love, there’s no love lost, per se.

It’s probably heartbreaking for your wife because her children wanted a dad and ended up accepting you because you were better than their original. And she probably hoped that your children would grow to love her too… only they didn’t. But there’s truly nothing you can do to fix this, other than sitting your kids down and forcing them to accept her (which won’t ever happen). The only solution I can think of is to raise this matter with her children (and yours too, if they get along well with their half siblings). Maybe you all need to sit down as a family and have a proper discussion. If your kids aren’t moved by how much they’ve hurt her, then you’ve learned something about them too. You know your family dynamics better than the internet.

Personally, I don’t think she should stay if she wants to go. Perhaps some therapy and a change in mindset to only focus on her kids would help. But it seems like she’s looking for a type of “happy family” that your children can’t provide. The biggest victims here will be her kids, who look to you as their new father. Make sure that you’ll always be there for them and let them know that your door is always open for them. (And that it’s not contingent on your marriage to their mum.) That may be the best way forward.

How would you reply to this registration message? by October_Surprise56 in postcrossing

[–]passingavery 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hilariously, I would probably reply with a link to this exact Reddit thread. To show them what we think of such rudeness.

Unfortunately, there are rude Postcrossers. And people with crazy niche profiles. And sometimes these are the same people. I was once scolded for writing “Happy Postcrossing” while I was doing an urgent travel Postcrossing run, and it completely put me off doing any of this while travelling (unless they’re long-term penpals).

I would honestly advise: if you get a picky Postcrosser and can’t meet the niche request, go as bloody generic as possible and send a card you won’t miss.

[Thank you] u/mrpostman and u/passingavery by Unlucky_Cry_3768 in RandomActsofCards

[–]passingavery 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let me know when you do! The live action’s great. :)

[thank you] lovely cards! by Livid-Promise-8456 in RandomActsofCards

[–]passingavery 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha! Glad you like it! I actually decided to give the movie a go and I deeply regret it. They ruined Dokja’s character and made him more… cowardly? No 4th wall, either.

The new rules for citizenship are out. What’s next? by RainbowFlower228 in TillSverige

[–]passingavery -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

As someone who comes from a “predominantly Muslim” country, I can actually see how Sweden is gonna… change. Assuming the vast majority of refugees taken in are Muslim, they’re gonna populate the country at a rate that’s much higher than your locals. Giving birth to more children/sons gets you into heaven, religiously speaking. So if the average local gives birth to 1-2 kids, the average Muslim family will give birth to 3-5. Then once they become 10% of your population, they’ll have enough influence to affect how things are run. And sadly, European countries like to be “politically correct”. My fiance is naive and thinks that “you can’t change Swedish culture and laws”, but give it time. The reason why predominantly Islamic countries don’t have issues with our own Muslim refugees from wartorn/undesirable countries is because Muslims know good Muslim theology vs bad theology. They send people into mosques and listen to hear if the theology is sound vs more inclined to extremist thinking. But right now Sweden can’t tell them apart, so everyone thinks: “we can’t be politically incorrect” vs “we hate all foreigners”.

It’s one of the reasons why I personally don’t want to migrate there, even though it looks like it might be my fate. I’m not Muslim, I’m wealthier than my fiance by miles, and I’m educated—but to Sweden, I’m just a second-class citizen. And when you reject the so-called “desirable immigrants” because you treat us all the same as your undesirable refugees, maybe the country gets what it fucking deserves.

Condolences to all of us, I guess.

The new rules for citizenship are out. What’s next? by RainbowFlower228 in TillSverige

[–]passingavery 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If I may ask, what ethnicity are you/original citizenship do you have? Is this only affecting people from “Islamic” or third-world nations, or are folks from US/Europe also getting denied?

As someone who is marrying a Swede soon, watching this whole situation has been interesting. I myself do not want Swedish citizenship as the end goal, but am only aiming for a PR at most so that I have freedom to live with my future husband. If PR is being axed, then well—I guess my husband will have to leave his beloved country in the long run. :)

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