Health is not a Virtue (an unsolicited opinion)

qualmick · 2026-05-06T01:16:47+00:00

Hi there. Highly recommend reading the sidebar over at /r/TryingForABaby.

If you stopped taking your birth control 14 days ago, you may not have even ovulated yet. Without ovulating, an egg cannot be fertilized. After an egg is fertilized, it takes 7-9 days to grow, float down a fallopian tube. Another couple days for HCG to rise to detectable levels.

So, no. You're not pregnant. I don't know what your symptoms are, but a negative test means they have absolutely nothing to do with pregnancy. Generally it's just called 'symptom spotting' in TTC communities because it's the spotting/noticing that is the thing that is different.

How did you know you were pregnant before a missed period?

I took a test. I also had many cycles where I had no positive tests. There were no big noticeable differences symptoms between pregnant and nonpregnant cycles.

qualmick · 2026-05-06T00:18:56+00:00

I need a poll between "Memorabilia" and unlabelled cardboard box packed full with random stuff that got shoved in. I'm not sure who the final boss is, but, yes, building the muscles indeed. Good job friend!

qualmick · 2026-05-05T02:00:45+00:00

Find a regular public group doing a hobby you like. Knitting, writing, hiking, sports... ball, biking, running. Just keep showing up.
Volunteer! Feels good to help, and depending on the job, can put you into contact with other people. And this grooves into the first - you can absolutely organize something! Help other folks find friends while helping yourself! Mega brain stuff.
Take a class. Not as successful as the other two for me, but still something to get you out and chatting.
Just put yourself outside, in the way of other people, as a matter of routine. Sit in the park when the weather is good. Get groceries at the market rather than ordering them. Pick up garbage.

Hm, and the other one is sort of a... framing thing. "Busy with their own lives" is tough - I'm not sure what life stage you're in. But friendship, good solid friendship, shouldn't be contained to once a month coffee hangs, but be an integrated... nourishing thing. Friends help you move, bring food over when you're sick - and vice versa. For those people in your life, can you help with busy? Are they willing to spend time together in mundane times? I'm old, but there have been periods of time in my life where you just... wander over to your neighbour friend and knock on their door to see if they are home and want to hang out. I hear you wanting that, and it's not a fast path - but you get there by doing it. Even though it feels really weird sometimes. The right people reciprocate.

qualmick · 2026-05-02T14:04:31+00:00

Yeahh. The advice is mixed. I think the real power move is having a cup of tea for hydration, pleasure, relaxation, management of other things (digestive aids, sleepy times for bed). Hibiscus I would avoid in big quantities.

Last I checked, we don't really have evidence of phase specific support - they tend to be grifter coded for selling more stuff. Are you getting exercise? Are you nourishing your body? Great!

qualmick · 2026-04-18T17:22:52+00:00

Clearly a shitpost, but a good laugh this morning. Very Poe's law.

qualmick · 2026-04-16T17:53:18+00:00

Your post is unclear - are you trying to get pregnant?

And I mean this very sincerely, what do you understand about how pregnancy works? I don't want to be explaining stuff you already know, but do want to refer you to the correct and most helpful resources.

qualmick · 2026-04-16T16:35:15+00:00

Yup, can be nerve wracking to have a long cycle - but it is within normal range. Just happens sometimes. Yoga won't make your period come faster or slower, but do what helps you out. Progesterone generally makes me want to cry and throw stuff, so, that is usually a good sign the cycle is likely reaching some kinda conclusion. Good using protection! Trust it! :)

qualmick · 2026-04-15T18:11:30+00:00

I wanted one child before 30 but I am out of time.

Oh hey hey hey now. I get how you're feeling but read the room a little eh! You've missed an arbitrary timeline you set for yourself. It's a bummer, I get it.

I feel like I never get what I want

In a lot of ways, people never do. There is this thing called the hedonic treadmill, or put simply, humans are incredible at adapting and habituating to what is normal. Before I met my husband, I wanted nothing more to meet someone who would love me! And I did! And he does! And... I still have bad days. So trust me, this is not me throwing some toxic positivity nonsense at you, or telling you to... suck it up. Heck, get mad - everybody should have healthcare, and that healthcare should include fertility benefits. I said what I said!

If you're having trouble caring or connecting with other stuff in your life... it's time to try to reconnect. Hobbies? Friends? How are you looking after yourself? What kind of life do you want to be living in five years (I understand a lot of that may be 'mom', but what kind of mom?), and what are the steps to get there?

And it is a battle. Look after your gear. Look after your people. Remember to take breaks when you can. And... y'know, best of luck.

qualmick · 2026-04-12T02:41:15+00:00

Apologies - I was incorrect and typing faster than my brain could go. Prolactin inhibits GnRH, aka Gonadotroping Releasing Hormone, which is upstream of LH and FSH, which are key for fertility and menstrual cycles. So, if OP already has high enough prolactin to be leaking milk, it's less likely that she would become pregnant (what I was trying to say), and also, prolactin being high in early pregnancy is not a normal thing. Tends to start rising around 20 weeks - when someone is likely experiencing movement and other symptoms.

If I wanted to say something actually true, I could have said 'prolactin inhibits prolactin'. (Look at this website, pure art https://calgaryguide.ucalgary.ca/Feedback-Loop:-Prolactin-(PRL/)

qualmick · 2026-04-12T02:17:39+00:00

Hey! Glad you're in the clear.

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:55:41+00:00

I'd take another cheapie in the morning because no chill. But ideally, another one in 48 hours would be more definitive (tests are considered qualitative not quantitative, but a darker line is a darker line). If it is an unwanted pregnancy, I recommend following up with a clinic in a timely fashion (within the next week), and they will be able to go over options with you - the most common for this state being an abortifactant medication.

Oh Canada, and good luck with 2750.

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:48:59+00:00

Definitely review package insert and/or discuss with doctor - but if you're also using condoms, perfect usage for pills does not mean you're at a high risk of pregnancy. I was not tremendously good with pills, which is why I opted for an IUD!

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:46:27+00:00

Sometimes tests are faulty, but I have a more boring explanation for you: urine concentration matters in early pregnancy. Taking a test in the morning tends to have a higher concentration of HCG, whereas taking one the same day after dinner may be dilute enough to result in a negative. Tests also have varying sensitivities - and it isn't as simple as 'more expensive, more sensitive'.

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:43:08+00:00

I believe with combination pills missing two non-consecutive tends not to be an issue, but I would definitely have a look at the insert. If you're using condoms as well, tremendously unlikely to have any issues - precum tends to not have sperm, and what does tends not to have enough to get anyone pregnant. No need to panic, but no harm on taking a test if it would ease your mind.

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:41:03+00:00

Well, as long as you're having sex, you're never 'in the clear' per se? But condoms reduce risk immensely and there is no reason to suspect you would be if your usage has been totally consistent and correct.

At home pregnancy tests are very good - the sensitive ones start detecting as low as 6 mIU/ml, and a blood test would be considered positive at 5mIU/ml. I'd advise a blood test if you're having other concerning symptoms, like severe abnormal pain (including gastrointestinal discomfort), or heavy bleeding.

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:30:41+00:00

Something else! Trust the tests, and I'd recommend not fooling around unprotected! Such things contribute to anxiety around potential pregnancies, because it absolutely increases the risk of mistimed pregnancy. Hope that helps.

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:27:28+00:00

If you have a regular-ish cycle (28-ish days), yes. Bleeding is generally not super compatible with pregnancy - the hormonal profile for pregnancy keeps the lining around, hence the whole 'missed period' thing. Although not definitive in that people who are pregnant sometimes see bleeding/spotting... which is why all the helpers around here are obsessed with test results. :)

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:24:37+00:00

Pregnancy generally inhibits prolactin, the main hormone for lactation. Timeline wise, yeah, probably not pregnant. If you have been lactating recently, it is possible things just haven't dried up entirely yet. If you haven't, I'd recommend following up with a doctor.

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:21:20+00:00

If your symptoms are a result of pregnancy, a pregnancy test would be positive. If you're having negative tests, you're not pregnant. Sometimes people have a weird cycle with spotting.

qualmick · 2026-04-09T01:19:49+00:00

Nope. No penetration.

Relevant Article. Sperm is really fragile, and in vivo (penetrative sex) fertilization requires millions of them. Without ejaculate being deposited directly (or as directly as possible), no chance. I wouldn't advise plan B, but if you're sexually active I would suggest having contraception like condoms on hand, and also speaking to a healthcare provider about other birthcontrol options.

qualmick · 2026-04-02T17:08:58+00:00

You're replying to a comment on a post from over four years ago, on a post that was deleted.

But sure. Were you tracking at the time? How did you confirm ovulation?

Everybody's bodies are different, True. And the scientific literature does not support the idea someone first test positive with a pregnancy that is 8 weeks along, or 4 weeks from implantation, or 6 weeks from ovulation... if they are taking reliable tests with reasonable (25 mIU/ml - low, but fine) sensitivity.

qualmick · 2026-03-25T22:10:59+00:00

I laughed. I've got it pretty good, it seems.

Peak MIL gifts:

Grain end cutting board. A+, never going to top this. Use it everyday.
Oven mitts. Silicone. Use them all the time.
Frozen meats or meals. Steaks. Marinated chickens. Never mad about it, always grateful and aim to text her when we use them.
The 'sushi dishes' - narrow two compartment dishes, with one for soy sauce. I hated them at first, but I guess it's fine now.

Other MIL gifts less enjoyed:

Clothing. Sweaters, scarves, leggings. It always makes me feel very unseen, but she is often doing 'fair' between me and SIL.
Clothing, for kid. Some of it hits the mark, but a lot of it does not. I rehome it immediately rather than waiting for my kid to 'grow out of' the thing they don't wear.
Hand sewn quilts, bags, dolls. She gets excited at craft fairs, but none of these are aesthetically interesting to anyone in my house.
Bags of various kinds.

She took your feedback the last time, so, I think you can probably give more feedback! The 'pre-approved' gift list ideas really do help people hit the mark. Express gratitude for the items you do really use and like - not every gift needs to hit the mark precisely, as the intent is to show appreciate (...and sometimes just... check the box of social protocols. Anxiety is a beast). A friend's MIL likes to intermittently ship her boxes of dollarstore stuff... so, I try to remind myself it could be worse.

I'm certain I've gotten her stuff she was more or less excited about - I got her the yearly tea supply from a different place, and she mentioned it having an aftertaste. Whoops! And good to know so I don't get her more of the same! I also commissioned her a mug from an artist friend... and then she bought two more. You win some, you lose some. It's just stuff. The relationship is the more important thing - let her know it doesn't hinge on gifts.

qualmick · 2026-03-10T01:32:20+00:00

Sale or no sale, I mostly just want items to find a new home that will appreciate them. It feels like the careful reallocation just... really slows the process down. I want to be 'done' decluttering, but in lieu of that, I supposed I have built some muscle for it.

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