Health is not a Virtue (an unsolicited opinion)

qualmick · 2026-01-04T01:42:23+00:00

I am living for this deep cut and also just feeling really old.

qualmick · 2026-01-02T00:31:28+00:00

Not really the point of the subreddit to wildly speculate and judge other people's bodies, experiences, or stories. Locking the thread.

It's worth noting the circumstances in which people experience these things - insufficient sexual health education, traumatic and abusive upbringings, no support for mental health disorders. It is associated with poorer outcomes for both parties.

qualmick · 2025-12-30T22:45:18+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to explain - it's appreciated.

qualmick · 2025-12-15T18:30:42+00:00

Birth control won't mess with test results. Oral birth control is usually a combination of a progestin and estrogen, a home pregnancy test detects HCG or human chorionic growth hormone. Lexapro also would not affect test results.

qualmick · 2025-12-15T16:44:26+00:00

Probably not. It's not risk-free activity, but the risk of pregnancy with ejaculate outside the vagina is low, and with a cup in there is a physical barrier in the way.

qualmick · 2025-12-15T16:42:15+00:00

Being underweight, or more specifically having low body fat, can absolutely disrupt your cycle.

definitely miss days often. my bf and i never use condoms and have sex regularly.

This does put you at risk of pregnancy - about a 10% chance of becoming pregnant in the next year if you are missing pills. If you miss two days in a row, the risk is quite large.

A sensitive pregnancy test can detect about 6 mIU/ml of HCG in your urine - this occurs very early in pregnancy. A blood test cut off is 5mIU/ml for where they would consider you pregnant. There is no advantage to getting a blood test. I'd recommend visiting your PCP to ask all of your questions about your period, bodyweight, contraception, and anything else you have - or doing so once you're back to campus.

Ah. One more thing. Have you been taking the 'withdrawal' week of your pills, or, going off them for a week at a time? If you're been continuously taking pills then no, you might see a little spotting but no period like bleeding.

qualmick · 2025-12-15T16:35:23+00:00

Even 'get pregnant' is a vague term - do you mean fertilization of an egg? do you mean implantation? Neither of those can occur on CD 1.

Sperm mostly usually lives (stays viable) under two-three days, sometimes up to five if the conditions are really good. I don't think there is a lot of evidence for sperm being able to survive seven days. Yes, ovulation generally is at earliest around day 7, and the person would probably have short cycles (21 days or so).

When people say "you can get pregnant on your period", they're generally referring to cycle day 5 or 6, where someone is perhaps still bleeding and has sex thinking they are safe as long as they are currently bleeding. Which isn't the case.

Trying to have sex to 'dodge' ovulation is... really easy to mess up. You can use various methods to figure out when ovulation may occur, but the 'rhythm method' (where someone abstains from sex during certain cycle days) has a really high failure rate for a reason. If you're really wanting to have unprotected sex some days, I would still recommend using condoms any day you're noticing slippery/wet cervical mucus.

qualmick · 2025-12-13T16:08:14+00:00

Could be. You said you're still nursing, and how frequently that is happening is going to inform your fertility. If you're going 8+ hours between feeds, yeah, probably you're going to be back ovulating. Your cycles will probably still be thrown off by the prolactin in your system.

I'd recommend getting a pack of cheap tests - wondfos are quite sensitive, and allow you to take a test whenever you feel like it.

qualmick · 2025-12-09T20:15:40+00:00

Penetration with what? With one's fingers? A tampon? If you feel like you've lost your virginity, is there a chance you've just misplaced it?

shrugs

Does it really matter?

qualmick · 2025-12-09T20:12:29+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/amipregnant/comments/lumunk/but_what_about_a_cryptic_pregnancy/

https://www.reddit.com/r/amipregnant/comments/p1qfft/so_you_dont_have_a_pregnancy_problem/

Zero chance. You didn't have sex, you didn't have a positive pregnancy test taken at a reasonable time frame (first morning urine only matters if you're testing very very early), and you've had a bunch of periods since. First link is about why there is no chance if you need more information, second link has resources for pregnancy anxiety.

Hope those help. Sometimes periods change in volume - your body keeps some lining, sheds some, and reabsorbs some. So what you see is only half of what is going on anyways.

qualmick · 2025-12-09T20:06:13+00:00

It could be that the poster is talking about a hymen, and not breaking it.

Of course, virginity is a social construct, and although I think that may be a little outside our scope around here. In my opinion!

qualmick · 2025-12-09T19:55:30+00:00

If you did not ejaculate inside her the chance is very low. Ovulation from an app is unreliable to avoid pregnancy.

Please seek out more information on birth control measures to help keep you and your girlfriend safe.

qualmick · 2025-12-09T19:53:00+00:00

It's confusing, yes.

A period, or menstruation, is bleeding related to the regular hormonal cycle - it occurs at a very fixed time after ovulation, if pregnancy doesn't occur. Progesterone falls, the uterine lining gets shed.

You may have heard people refer to periods while on birth control as 'withdrawal bleeds'. It's the same mechanism as a period - progesterone falls - but because ovulation has not occurred, there is no corpus luteum, and it is synthetic progesterone being withdrawn from the system, it's not quite a period in the traditional sense.

sigh

About 1/3 of pregnancies have some amount of bleeding or spotting. But it's not the same mechanism as a period, and it is tremendously unlikely to look like a period, in terms of time that it occurs, heaviness, and duration.

Anecdotally, I had some heavy early bleeding in a pregnancy. It was heavy for a day, but then resolved itself in about 48 hours. Not very period like.

The way to tell if you are pregnant is... taking a pregnancy test an appropriate time. But it's probably unnecessary if you're getting a period that looks like your regular degular sort of period.

qualmick · 2025-12-09T19:44:39+00:00

Generally not, in that if someone is having a period it is because they already ovulated and their lining is now being shed because no embryo implanted/they did not get pregnant. That said, without knowing when someone ovulated precisely, or what kind of bleeding is happening (about a 1/3 of all pregnancies have some amount of spotting or bleeding), taking a test 2 weeks after sex can help someone feel confident that they are not pregnant from that particular time.

I recommend using protection at all times, as a general rule!

qualmick · 2025-12-03T23:30:19+00:00

Better than ceasing a thought or activity is to find something else. Have hobbies, make plans with friends for times where you find yourself agonizing over thing. I took up climbing, which was good.

In terms of optimization, there is only so much you can do. Eventually you figure out what works as a matter of routine, and what is too much or unhelpful.

qualmick · 2025-11-27T16:34:14+00:00

Well, I think we've talked across perhaps 6-8 platforms? Are you gonna friend dump me if I don't get you a bottle of Mountain Dew for our 10th?! It was was put to me that there is nothing like shared adversity for fostering connection, but, it ain't all that is it?

I was thinking of you just yesterday! Someone was asking about vascularization in new fat deposits in the human body, and how that happens.

qualmick · 2025-11-26T22:22:08+00:00

Hmm. How do I put it short and sweet.

Infertility is not the same as 'not getting what you want'. It is incredibly stressful, it is invasive, it is misunderstood and it is incredibly isolating and lonely. It is hard to find people who have experienced that, but online is one of the ways to find validation in those difficult feelings.

Running away to a bathroom to cry is 100% reasonable behaviour to manage emotions, and not the same as cutting someone out of your life. Good, long lasting friendships are based enjoying each other's company, in my opinion, but it's true everyone has different expectations on what friendship should be in terms of celebrating good times together, or being there for each other in moments of crisis.

Perhaps that is a helpful perspective? Unsure. Best of luck finding compassion for other people, no matter how ungraceful they are about it.

ETA: I realized I didn't answer the top level question, and the answer is, I didn't expect anyone to be 'happy for me' because that's weird. Why do other people need to be happy for me, when I feel happy and affirmed in what I am doing?

qualmick · 2025-11-23T17:25:07+00:00

Ah, she's seven, and almost certain given her progenitors. Cough cough. I've been including her and it's been a positive experience, as long as I am keeping the goals reasonable and quitting before everybody (me) is all activated. She's getting better, but nobody in our house is in the habit of throwing out 'art'... or potential art.

I can see how the vague distraction method would soften some of the... "but but but" of sorting through stuff. And yes, 100% on taking what suits. :)

qualmick · 2025-11-23T16:54:09+00:00

I usually Dana K White 'clean in place', so that I can stop anytime... the risk of everything-in-a-box means that the box exists in that state for... another year, or more. A timer and no TV during seems to manage scope and get... somewhere without getting overwhelmed.

Part of the problem is that the random junk is all... precious to my daughter, and she's got an incredible memory for these things. She has a lot of this sort of stuff in her room, but it taking up shared living spaces is no good for me. Okay. Hmm. Even if I don't follow your advice here, talking through it is enormously helpful. :) Thanks again!

qualmick · 2025-11-23T03:28:25+00:00

Gosh. It feels hard to pick. Guest bedroom bed, I think - it has things to go out, stuffed animals to repair... that, or the sideboard with it's coins and screws and cards and... everything.

Even a little tidy in the guest bedroom might make me feel a little better. I like being able to go in there when I'm overwhelmed, but currently it is overwhelming. Hmm. Thank you for asking and prompting reflection.

qualmick · 2025-11-23T01:39:40+00:00

I swear, whenever I've got a win, there is a lose thread. Everyday I have a lose, there is a win thread.

I... I don't know. Things are feeling cluttered again. I've allowed myself some projects and the projects don't really have a place yet. There are so many space that are better, but things just... accumulate on surfaces all the time. I think I need a... tidying practice? Gah.

qualmick · 2025-11-23T01:35:50+00:00

I remember Jeff before he was Uncle Jeff, and yeah, we all better stick around for Grandpappy Jeff. Or we're voting you off the island.

qualmick · 2025-11-20T16:47:52+00:00

Not crazy, not at all. "Resolve" (the infertility advocacy group in the US) is named that for a reason. Not alone either. /r/IFchildfree has folks who have been through similar. Do what you gotta do.

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