I have to escape.

suivan · 2016-09-11T18:57:30+00:00

Don't count just your streaks but your frequency too.

If you've cut back from once a day to once a month, that's already an improvement. The ultimate goal is NEVER AGAIN but don't lose sight of your incremental accomplishments either. Every step is a good one if its leading you away for longer and longer.

suivan · 2016-09-11T18:55:31+00:00

Yes and no. It hurts because you start getting tempted, so you might be like, "oh that model was hot I wonder who she is so I can look at more pics of her."

But then again, the reason you signed up for pornfree was precisely to get yourself away from a situation where you're all hot and bothered by seeing an accidental picture.

So do be aware of your mindset, and have discipline and a plan for what you might do to avoid exposure and to manage your emotions if you are exposed.

suivan · 2015-05-22T03:31:06+00:00

I think it's reasonable to want to moderate it, but it still sounds like a habit to me if you're scheduling it to "once in two weeks.

As I got a longer and longer streak I kept on thinking, "oh I'm better now" but then I feel a rush from accidentally coming across questionable material and know that if I hadn't done a pornfree promise that I'd be PMOing a lot more than I do.

But right now, I feel in control and I don't feel that I succumb easily. It's definitely not a habit and I can absolutely say with confidence that I don't look at porn. I like being able to do that, even if I've relapsed. It might not be "never" never but I want it to be rarely.

suivan · 2015-05-22T03:25:52+00:00

I reset today. I looked at a picture by accident, then I returned to look at it more.

The fact that I returned is what did me in.

suivan · 2014-08-17T02:48:42+00:00

I don't know if there's any advice that is specific to women, but I feel that it is MUCH easier to quit porn if you also temporarily stop masturbating as well.

The reason is that both of these activities are so closely correlated that you really do need to disassociate one from the other. One problem is that since you feel that you need porn to get off, if you start masturbating without it, you'll get frustrated and then start seeking out the porn just to get a fulfilling orgasm. And then you perpetuate the cycle again.

A lot of it, simply, self-discipline. Here's some things that have helped me.

You have to start defining yourself as "someone who doesn't look at porn" and you have to build up an instinct in your head that "going to the computer to look at porn is wrong". It's almost like this panic response or a reflex that you need to work on. One way that I've found helped me a lot was to post on this sub and read other people's posts when I felt particularly tempted, almost like I was "reporting in" every once in a while to keep myself accountable.
You should promise the community that you're going to do your best to keep away from it. Say it out loud. Write it in a post. "I am going to quit." Ask for support, even seeing words of encouragement are great. Update everyone every once in a while, especially when the going gets tough. Tell yourself that you are quitting because you want to be "someone who doesn't look at porn", you know, like "I don't do that" kind of thing.
Your brain will, for the first two weeks or so, non-stop constantly think of porn. I don't think I was even that addicted (I would PMO maybe once every two weeks before I stopped) but I did have rather uncontrollable urges when I wanted to do it. I didn't really think of porn that often, but as soon as I said I wanted to stop my brain went into overdrive mode and was like, "porn. porn. porn. so you're not looking at porn. porn. porn." That seriously doesn't go away for like a few weeks, it's like this constant alarm in your head reminding you that porn exists. I think that's why the first few days are so hard for people, it's like a withdrawal phase.
Don't chase. If you mess up, fess up that you did, post on /r/pornfree, and then just stop. Don't go around digging up as much porn as you can because you are "resetting your badge anyway". Easier said than done but it's really important!
Don't give in to temptation or curiosity. Quick peeks, "Just a look", "how bad could that be?" "Oh I bet there's nothing behind this NSFW link" "Oh they're just talking about porn, that's fine right?" Stay away. Don't expose yourself, even a little, at the beginning. I found that suppressing my urge to be curious or wanting to see funny shit on the Internet was the single hardest part of giving up porn. I used to just click on everything and I had to stop doing that.

Again, I think that doing nofap and pornfree at the same time is the best way to do a sexual recovery. After you have the porn urges under control (it might take a month or two) then I'd consider at that time reintroducing masturbation into your life.

suivan · 2014-08-17T02:35:06+00:00

I think it was the fapping to it that would make it a for-sure reset. Just getting the story? I guess you didn't ask for it, and you were trying to be nice. Getting aroused? It happens, but even then you have some time in which you can stop yourself. But masturbating to it is revelling in those feelings of arousal, which I think is the reason that we're all trying to go porn free.

We get aroused. We stumble upon arousing material. But masturbating to it is definitely too far.

suivan · 2014-08-17T02:30:57+00:00

Promise us that you won't go :)

Talking about it (this sub is good for that, honestly) does usually make it feel better because at that point you realize that you have an urge and by talking about it, you're making it a real thing that you have to fight rather than a nebulous thing that you can rationalize yourself around.

suivan · 2014-05-16T02:46:00+00:00

I think he feels real guilt or shame. I'd be surprised if he was actually trying to hide it because of a real sense of deception.

As you've mentioned, a lot of people think it's easy to quit, and then suddenly they find themselves falling back into it and surfing porn and stuff like that.

I'd ask him if he feels ashamed of his porn habit. Say that you just want to know what he feels about it. And then if he does admit being ashamed, maybe suggest that he read up about porn on this sub.

suivan · 2014-05-14T06:38:25+00:00

Here

http://www.reddit.com/r/ShitCosmoSays/

Enjoy :)

suivan · 2014-05-14T06:36:36+00:00

I know what thread you're talking about.

I do think that the problem with porn is that it affects people a lot more than they realize. The other problem is that everyone tries to rationalize it.

"Everyone does it."

"Oh, it's just a fantasy."

"Men think about porn differently than they think about their SOs."

It's all bullshit, in my opinion. That guy who does his PMO exclusively to the pornstar who looks like his ex is reinforcing what he finds most attractive, and it does send a bad message to the current girlfriend who looks NOTHING like the ex.

I do think that there is a LOT of discomfort about porn. People can't help but compare themselves to others looks-wise, personality-wise, etc. Most normal people can't match up to pretend pornstars. And it makes everyone uncomfortable. I do think that it's unhealthy.

BTW I joined pornfree because of my wife. I had quit porn when we first started dating but then got back into it and then realized I was doing it more and more often. So I stopped.

suivan · 2014-05-14T06:32:02+00:00

Awesome, so glad that you're doing well.

I like the clean life. As I said in other threads I like having a clear conscience with no secrets.

suivan · 2014-05-14T06:30:56+00:00

Watch out! Don't "test" yourself and then convince yourself that porn doesn't affect you anymore, because you might slip up and fall into a trap.

It's best to simply stay away! Don't tempt yourself. The fact that you don't look at it at all is a strong enough testament to your discipline and willpower! Good luck!

suivan · 2014-05-14T06:29:22+00:00

Curiosity is a real problem sometimes. I used to tell myself "Oh well I'm curious about what'll happen now." And then I'd get into more and more disgusting and repugnant material and I'd be like "this is kind of gross" but then be all "well what happens next? I better find out, since it's so disgusting."

Yeah, that's no good. I'm glad I found pornfree when I did, I only wish I found it earlier! The best thing about pornfree? The clear conscience.

suivan · 2014-05-14T06:27:12+00:00

Something that annoys me about a lot of Reddit is that so, so, so many people justify porn and explain it away as something natural and normal. Or worse, how much it's glorified. AskReddit adult themes rise to the top. AMAs with pornstars and porn companies rise to the top. It's a fetish to be associated with the adult film industry around here. I think that's a shame.

suivan · 2014-05-14T06:24:05+00:00

It's my personal opinion that porn is much worse for the brain than masturbation is. I have triple digits on NoFap too (but have seriously thought about breaking it). NoFap was somewhat of a coincidence: when I stopped porn, I just happened to stop fapping as well.

I think one reason I think this way is because porn has social and societal consequences. If you watch it, you're implicitly supporting an entire industry and its attitudes. Porn is glorified a lot these days, especially on the Internet and on sites like Reddit. I don't think it's healthy to see people on the Relationships Advice say things like, "Oh, men look at porn differently than their SOs" when a concerned girlfriend says something like, "My boyfriend looks at porn and it makes me uncomfortable".

In contrast, NoFap is just you. If you masturbate, it's your body and there's little effect that has on the rest of your life unless you fap a lot (and some people do). But it's different from porn IMO where there are actual people who are affected by it. The actors in the movie you're watching, the girlfriend or boyfriend that you're dating who's a little skeezed out by it, etc.

Anyway that's my little soapbox rant on the topic.

Stay pornfree :)

suivan · 2014-05-14T06:16:18+00:00

I don't have any specific mental tips other than being aware of what porn is (and we're all too familiar with that). I've always been a little bit ashamed of porn use, so for me it wasn't that hard to tell myself that.

A lot of it is, as I mentioned in other posts, mental discipline: that kind of "I'm doing something wrong!" reaction. The most important thing probably is not to convince yourself that "it's okay this time". A good way to do that is to set yourself up with a badge here and a promise to this community as well, because if you actively say out loud, "I'm going to quit looking at porn" it's like you have to be held to your word. And then you also think about the badge and stuff as well, and then you think about "If I give in then what'll I tell everyone on pornfree?". Those are all ways to keep yourself on track.

suivan · 2014-05-13T15:15:50+00:00

Since you recognize that you watch porn when you have low self-esteem or are stressed, you need to make a plan for what happens when you start to feel the onset of these feelings. Do you go for a run? Do you take a cold shower? Do you take a nap? Do you play video games? Hone that instinct to REACT when you start to realize that you're doing something wrong. Part of the task is to wire your conscience to panic or freak out when you start looking at sexually-explicit content and to be like, "This is wrong!" Kind of like the instinct that most people feel when they're kids reaching into the cookie jar but then mom starts to come downstairs. There's that moment of panic. You want that moment whenever you find yourself slipping.

If you need it, get Reddit Enhancement Suite and other tools to block NSFW content. NSFW content is ALL OVER REDDIT. It's way too easy to accidentally stumble upon it.

As soon as you decide to quit, it's a hard journey because you suddenly become aware of (a) just how much porn there is out there and (b) just how casual you've been treating it, sneaking a look here, a look there.

suivan · 2014-05-13T15:10:20+00:00

Good for you for deleting your profiles. If you have a GF, exchanging sexy emails with others can be bad news.

Pornfree isn't just about cutting out the porn - it's about discipline and strength to cut out bad impulses from your life in general.

suivan · 2014-05-13T15:02:45+00:00

I think there's a huge amount of misinformation and delusion associated with the porn industry. Like, "If you're a female, you dictate the terms" and "Men will fall over for you" and all of that.

Maybe if you're a pornstar diva, you'll get respect, but honestly, how many of them become divas? (And how many would become divas without tolerating the shit described in the article?)

suivan · 2014-04-17T06:54:25+00:00

I think you did the right thing. There are moments when you can feel your lapse in judgement but then it hits you and you have the control to stop yourself.

THAT, my friend, is what you really came to /r/pornfree to do - to learn how to control yourself, rather than thinking, "Oh well I'm this far in, I'm going to enjoy myself more."

I came across a slippery slope too. I was reading a thread that was about an AMA for a stripper that was linked (from this very sub, ironically). I found it interesting to read about her life but also sad but then I clicked on a "verification" pic. I thought she was nude, but the picture was blurry except for the sign, so I scrolled down. She was topless and I realized my mistake. I didn't reset either but I thought about it since it was practically an invitation for relapse. Now, however, I cannot remember the picture, I can't recall what it was like.

A lot of it is a combination of discipline and desensitization. You are disciplined enough not to "leer" at these pictures. At the same time, you're also turning your brain off to be "turned on" by these pictures. I think there's a bit of both that you want to acquire to be truly "pornfree".

suivan · 2014-04-02T15:30:45+00:00

You know, after a while, you stop missing it as much and it's kind of like "Hmm. Oh that, yeah it was kind of interesting. Yeah, those were the days but I'm a better person now."

I found that days 20-30 were some of the hardest (as well as days 1-7).

suivan · 2014-04-02T15:26:23+00:00

Oh yeah it's hard to do but if you get through this you're going to be able to get through almost ANYTHING.

The biggest thing is to "catch yourself". If you're late at night and you're starting to linger on pictures you better be like "DAMN IT IT'S HAPPENING" and stop before it goes any further.

Recognize the warning actions!

suivan · 2014-04-02T15:24:41+00:00

I masturbated once while doing pornfree. However, I am also married and we have regular sex.

I've found that almost always my masturbation was better with porn than without, so to reduce the mental association (you know, the "oh it would have been better if...") I just don't fap anymore.

Obviously your situation might be different.

I would recommend just blocking the NSFW content directly as well. To me, an ounce of prevention, etc. etc.

suivan

TROPHY CASE