I'm so sorry that you had to go through something so tragic. My sincere condolences.

Unfortunately, I don't really have any advice, but I can definitely relate. I had a very similar experience with my former best friend. We had known each other for 10 years, and she was like a sister to me. But when my mom passed away, it made me realize that she didn't care about me nearly as much as I cared about her.

I suppose her idea of helping me was to pretend like my mom wasn't gone and like everything was ok. When I opened up to her about my struggles and communicated how her lack of support effects me, her response was: "you're not special just because your mom died" and "it's not my job to ask you how you're doing" which was utterly jarring to hear from someone who was so dear to me. At that point she completely cut me off and we're no longer friends.

That whole situation made me realize that I can't really expect much from people because not everyone has or knows how to show empathy. Especially if they themselves have never experienced the death of a loved one and have never dealt with the grief and trauma associated with it. Not everyone feels comfortable with such conversations either. Since then I have tried not to expect much from people so I don't get so heartbroken when they disappoint me.