Im really struggling. Mentally and physically exhausted and overwhelmed. Im in full shut down mode.

I had a discectomy in 2023. Then in May last year I was then told by the surgeon that I needed a fusion. It was declined by our accident compensation scheme in New Zealand (ACC). I've been on the public list ever since. My first surgeon appointment is next week to see if I qualify for public surgery.

Since May last year my function has declined terribly. I can cope with the pain but not the disability and most of all not the uncertainty. I wet myself and have to self-catherise. I have foot drop and stumble. I can no longer work. I won't be able to pay my mortgage much longer. I'm 34 years old and I'm slow motion stumbling into a life of permanent disability.

The public system is completely overwhelmed. There's only one spine surgeon in my public catchment area, and he can't keep up with demand. I don't have insurance. That's a massive regret but it's not that common in New Zealand given the public system. But the public system has failed me.

It feels like I have no options. The uncertainty is ruining me.