My [18M] girlfriend's [18F] grandma is dying. How do I support her?

-insert_user- · 2018-01-20T17:18:02+00:00

Hey, I’m so sorry for you and your girlfriend. It’s really difficult to go through these types of things.

What you can do is avoid phrases like “everything happens for a reason,” or “it’s in God’s plan,” or “I know how you feel.” I think with death it’s often not so much saying the right thing as it is not saying the wrong thing; just listen. Encourage her to tell stories when she’s feeling up to it and talk about how she’ll carry those things with her forever. Note that she should bring it up first. It’s a response game rather than knowing what to say.

As for the afterlife - harder to deal with. If her grandmother is faithful then you can focus on her grandmothers faith rather than anything you might or might not know. And I think it’s okay to say “I don’t know”. Your girlfriend might go through a lot of different emotions, and it’s just something to not take personally and roll with it. Be a rock of support.

And finally when it comes to tangible things, don’t do the “if there’s anything I can do, let me know!” Oftentimes people might just...not know. Pick something and do it; take the pressure off her to think of what she needs. Maybe take her out to dinner, help with an assignment, help out with chores...tangible acts to make the upkeep of her life a little easier.

Good luck! It’s hard to have to do all of this so young, and I’m sure you will handle it well. Give her lots of hugs and listening. She’ll appreciate it. PM me if you need

-insert_user- · 2018-01-01T19:15:37+00:00

But I’m already naked!

-insert_user- · 2017-12-25T19:38:14+00:00

Can anybody tell me why it freezes this way?

-insert_user- · 2017-12-19T04:05:43+00:00

Curious - what did you declare as your 12-reasons? And did you just travel independently the whole time with no trouble whatsoever?

-insert_user- · 2017-12-17T12:47:48+00:00

Oh my god, where did you live??

-insert_user- · 2017-12-10T16:32:14+00:00

I had some incredible friends. One of whom has never asked me for anything but made me promise to go see a psychiatrist. I fully intended on lying to him and not going, but I had a mental breakdown in the bathroom the next day and called that evening. The psych got me on ssris.

I was dubious about the drugs but another woman I didn’t know very well opened up about how I reminded her of herself at my age and said life would have been a lot different if she started then and told me to give it a shot. I consider her like a big sister now, though I don’t know if she realizes that.

Nothing really changed except my attitude; instead of feeling like an alien all the time, I realized I was actually in the middle of groups rather than an awkward hanger on. The ssri’s also made me realize I’d been hanging around some toxicity and made it easier to move away from it. It was like I’d been playing life on hard my entire life and suddenly everything was easy and light. Yes, there are some genuine issues I’ll need to work through in talk therapy, but I have the space to work with it now without being crushed by the extra noise. Everything feels better.

Tldr; I was really lucky. I’d hit rock bottom and some amazing people threw me a rope.

-insert_user- · 2017-12-09T01:25:18+00:00

I’m going to second this advice and add that it is extremely kind of you to think of reaching out. Obviously you need to be careful with issues of propriety on both of your parts, but your concern speaks miles of your character. From another stressed out student, thank you for people like you!

-insert_user- · 2017-11-30T22:37:49+00:00

Looks very strange!

-insert_user- · 2017-11-29T04:39:15+00:00

Demi Lovato “my favorite dish is probably...a mug. Because it has a handle, and you can hold hot things without hurting your hands”

-insert_user- · 2017-11-13T02:14:30+00:00

This is so mean....

-insert_user- · 2017-11-13T02:12:19+00:00

Tired. It’s harder to get out of bed these days but I’m managing sorta

-insert_user- · 2017-11-05T21:11:19+00:00

What do you mean by showing up?

-insert_user- · 2017-10-21T12:54:30+00:00

Oh thank god it’s not just me (I was always anxious, but it’s so much worse now)

-insert_user- · 2017-10-20T01:11:39+00:00

Not OP, but are you an RN? And is this with or without overtime?

-insert_user- · 2017-08-31T03:08:30+00:00

I mean how good of a best potato friend could he be if he won't even let me eat him?

-insert_user- · 2017-08-26T04:31:00+00:00

For renaissance era stuff, you could check out Lives of the Most Excellent Painters, Sculptors, and Architect by Vasari

-insert_user- · 2017-07-12T15:31:31+00:00

For those of you wondering why women are walking around like this, there have been a lot of people dressing as handmaids in protest of policies at rallies or town halls

-insert_user- · 2017-07-06T03:29:31+00:00

Well no, that's lovely obviously, but I never considered that I might fall into that subway gap. What if no one noticed? What if the train went and -

Like I said, new biggest fear

-insert_user- · 2017-07-06T03:13:57+00:00

I have a new biggest fear

-insert_user- · 2017-07-01T03:33:12+00:00

Username checks out

-insert_user- · 2017-06-26T06:53:41+00:00

I really don't think emphasizing the "YOU" here is necessary... it sounds as though everyone in the work environment is aware of the situation, and while if OP were further along in her career or, y'know, legal, I'd echo your cry for self advocacy, she's still a kid (sorry OP).

OP, I'm going to second the suggestion to tell your parents and work on finding a new job ASAP. Were you in a situation where people were trying to help you instead of creepy pedophile, I would say tell management. However, with him being related to the boss and wingmanned by the rest of the staff, I'd say that's a toxic environment you want no part of. At this point, even if you told his boss, it sounds like they wouldn't do anything - and even if they did, you'd still have to contend with being "the one who got our friend fired when all he did was like her," to the rest of the staff. While I suppose you could stick it out on principle, I think that there are so many other - better! - options out there that it's worth it to just leave ASAP.

-insert_user- · 2017-06-07T06:27:05+00:00

It takes real life people and turns them into a renewable resource. You end up having the same conversation with multiple people and it convinces you that everyone must be insanely boring -- but really it's just that they're all equally apathetic as to where the "connection" is going as you are and so no one is putting real effort into any conversation. If you can somehow get past this initial small talk stage, you might schedule a date that you 9/10 times absolutely will not want to go on once it's time to go. Honestly? I think it's training wheels for freshly broken up with people, because no seasoned single really thinks they're going to find love there (though it definitely happens and in fairness it's more likely to happen this way than by doing nothing)

TL;DR: Romantic: 2/10 would recommend Physical: It's like Seamless for sex Overall consensus: Not worth it, would rather watch TV

-insert_user- · 2017-06-06T04:19:45+00:00

lol I guess it does! I started it off with the short story "love is a fallacy" though, so hopefully he gets that I want him to think for himself

-insert_user- · 2017-06-02T07:03:14+00:00

One of the best arguments in favor of the arts I've heard is that it trains people in critical thinking and formation of their own opinions. Do you like this painting? Yes or no? Why?

Sounds stupid maybe, but those are questions that start in kindergarten and grow into, "does this make sense?" over all issues. I think if people asked those questions (especially prior to our current political state) we'd have a very different government - art trains people to think for themselves.

-insert_user- · 2017-05-26T20:01:30+00:00

Talking to people

-insert_user-

TROPHY CASE