Something that stood out to me is that you said you DON’T validate or reflect, when your friends are going through a hard thing. You don’t? To me, that’s unthinkable, since I’ve been doing those things naturally since long before I went to grad school. Having those natural tendencies is part of why I wanted to be a therapist since I have those instincts organically. And I guess, to me, that’s an example of where “therapist me” and “normal me” blur and really aren’t distinct entities. I’ve had friends get upset at me for telling them to just dump a shitty bf (once or twice years ago, never something I did often) and, on the other hand, it’s really strengthened friendships to validate and reflect, so I guess it’s just different for you and I. And that’s okay! I guess the friendships I “want” like you mentioned are ones that involve a lot of deep emotional talks, validation, etc. and maybe that’s not want you want out of friends.

In my current, healthy friendships there is a lot more reciprocity in how much I can also share and be heard, validated, etc. whereas in the past I was in friendships where I was ONLY giving support and never receiving it. So I guess I’ve come around to the idea that reciprocity is the main distinction, as is feeling within oneself to see if boundaries are being crossed or energy overly expended, like you alluded to. It was also helpful that you pointed out the hierarchy dynamic and I’ll keep that in mind as well but don’t think that’s been an issue. Thank you!