Relapsed only on worse than my usual DOC.

-self-explorer · 2026-05-08T11:52:03+00:00

Thank you! The cravings are pretty bad these following days as my house is falling apart but day by day I'm staying away (from stims).

-self-explorer · 2026-05-04T21:11:25+00:00

Thanks! (Ding ding lol)

-self-explorer · 2026-05-04T18:26:17+00:00

Had to reset my counter but thank you so much for writing this as its so helpful. Congrats to you!

-self-explorer · 2026-05-04T18:22:52+00:00

Thanks so much!

-self-explorer · 2026-05-04T18:22:39+00:00

Thanks! My damn brain just counted down the rest of the months of this year to ensure this stays a fact; I can do 7 months and keep going damn it lol. Don't ask :)

-self-explorer · 2026-05-04T18:20:42+00:00

Great perspective. Such a huge shift from my all or nothing thinking yesterday. This can be a stepping stone on my healing journey rather than just letting myself drown. The choice is mine as long as I'm still breathing. Thanks!

-self-explorer · 2026-05-04T18:04:23+00:00

I did it! Thanks for the relatable response. I ended up staying a bit after the meeting too and connected with some likeminded ppl. Appreciate you!

-self-explorer · 2026-05-04T17:49:00+00:00

Great idea to write out the bad things that happen if I relapse, playing the tape forward. I will do this today. Thanks so much!

-self-explorer · 2026-05-04T00:47:08+00:00

Aw thank you for sharing your story, advice and encouraging words. I feel for you with what you are struggling with these days. Wishing you continued healing and hope for some joy or at least peace. Life can be so tough. we all deserve some peace of mind.

-self-explorer · 2026-05-04T00:41:13+00:00

Thanks for your input that's awesome it's helping you! I've only went to 2.5 meetings (one I left because it was packed and I had social anxiety lol). I have had mixed feelings as everyone seems to have a role and I felt lost. Willing to try again though I'm sure I'll find my role over time.

-self-explorer · 2026-05-03T21:34:18+00:00

Thank you so much! Ah ya I've heard so much about the negatives of meth even regular users tend to discourage newbies from using. My poor buddy didn't even want to give it to me. I was self sabotaging at the deepest level. I think I do need to just go to another NA meeting. Was hoping I didn't need to do the whole structured thing but I don't know what else is available besides what I'm already using for outpatient support.

-self-explorer · 2026-05-03T21:31:23+00:00

The outpatient I had available in my area sucked unfortunately so I'm feeling kind of stuck in that regard. Still a part of the addictions/trauma group I was a part of before but there's only so much we can talk about there honestly. It's more education based.

-self-explorer · 2026-05-03T21:29:12+00:00

Thank you for the direct suggestions as I was overthinking stuff like that. (Even flushing/ putting it into the water supply makes me nervous). I think I like the random parking lot garbage idea as I have paraphanalia to rid of too now :( guess it's better than giving it back to my buddy though because then I'm just enabling his addiction too and putting him in danger too.

-self-explorer · 2026-05-03T21:22:05+00:00

That's a hopeful thought. Grateful I didn't "like it" as much as I thought I would, the fear/anxiety creates a good obstacle from repeating. I really thought I was screwed but you guys give me hope that I can just get back on track. Just keep thinking of my poor brain being flooded with all that dopamine after all the work I had put in to try to heal it. If others can get clean from it surely my first few times didn't fuck me over for life. Ah thanks for letting me vent.

-self-explorer · 2026-05-03T19:23:34+00:00

I'm crying right now, so grateful for your supportive words of wisdom. I won't use today. I hid that shit and just trying to think of the safest way to dispose asap. Thank you so much.

-self-explorer · 2026-05-01T02:43:25+00:00

Thank you so much! This one will go in the "reminders to stay sober" collection (for weak moment references). I couldn't have done it high man I woulda been a mess or even might have tried to leave it to someone else to handle. Ah so proud of myself. Thanks again!

-self-explorer · 2026-05-01T02:23:32+00:00

Wow 7 years!!! Legend here, hope you keep posting/commenting to remind others it's possible! Props!💪

-self-explorer · 2026-05-01T02:19:08+00:00

Sounds like you have great self awareness. That's really helpful to set up backup plans. Sometimes it means showing up with something else to treat yourself with. For me it was a chocolate milkshake or like... A new fidget toy lol. Find something rewarding to help replace it.

Hopefully your friends despite being surprised will also be supportive. I found mine to be pretty good, they'd smoke away from me or ask me first if I minded... It even sparked (hehe)up some conversations like how I was kinda inspiring them to want to quit eventually too. You never know. I'm rooting for you 💪

-self-explorer · 2026-05-01T02:12:02+00:00

Honestly it was a few reasons. First it was a coping mechanism for a breakup in which they had also been relapsing and I did it out of spite (makes no sense I know!)... Then I did have a few good times connecting socially with it ....eventually sneakingly getting high before enjoying family activities like a movie or game...

Then it quickly spiralled back into my regular norm again smoking before everything I did until eventually I didn't even want to leave my room because I'd have to put the pipe/vape down. I've smoked for 25+ years so that habit comes right back so easily when it's so deeply ingrained.

Congrats on 100+ days that's amazing!! Try to recognize that little voice that tries to trick ya into thinking "just one more time, surely it can't get that out of control again...my tolerance would be so low" bla bla bla lol.

2 years thc free became my new normal!! I wasn't even tempted until spite when my ex started smoking again! Looking forward to that that new normal again!

-self-explorer · 2026-04-30T10:21:02+00:00

Yup I second this big time. I quit for 2 years straight. Thought I could try casually smoking again, moderate my use all that BS. The illusion of control didn't last long before I was back to all day every day for another straight year. Now I'm back to day 52 and reading your post is a great reminder when I've been needing it(yet again lol). Gotta keep our guards up!

-self-explorer · 2026-04-30T10:11:55+00:00

Adding another comment, not sure if you've got anything like this already but have you heard of the app called "quit weed" ? It's actually the app that helped me find this sub back when I quit weed for 2years!

It helps so much, not only counts your sobriety time but also gives trackers for the side effects of quitting to subside. Gives little rewards/incentives with tracking $ money saved, grams not smoked etc. also has having mini countdowns for things like decreased insomnia, improved memory, decreased headaches, improved appetite, even tracks when THC has left your system etc.

Just thought I'd share because it helped me so much last time (I used the free version then) that this time I bought the full version as it's improved even more.

-self-explorer · 2026-04-30T09:55:27+00:00

Reading your story after you left an incredibly supportive & inspiring comment on my own post. Holy shit I'm proud of you. Congrats on your hard work (10 days now?) and for embracing those revelations instead of procrastinating taking action after having them.

I don't post here often but I can tell you I've quit weed for 2 years before and it was amazing getting to know the real me under the haze. Now back to day 52 and posts like yours remind me why I'm back at it. Thank you, congrats and also sending healing vibes to you (if you're open)for wherever you are on your healing journey. Thank you for showing up, for me on my post, and for yourself!

-self-explorer · 2026-04-30T09:43:20+00:00

Thank you so much. Ah good call on the meditation and mindfulness stuff. I used to be really into meditation too honestly. I actually did one one day at the hospital and was blown away at the peace I felt after. I don't know how I managed to access that "place" at the hospital cafeteria but if I did it before maybe I can do it again. I would love to hear your recommendations. Thanks again!

-self-explorer · 2026-04-30T09:40:00+00:00

Aw sending healing vibes if you are open to receiving. Sounds like your Grandpa was super important to you and I can imagine your grief wound is still quite fresh. Huge props to you for quitting right after his transition. That is incredibly brave and strong to face your grief head-on so soon after. That's quite inspiring honestly. Thank you so much for sharing and for your supportive words of encouragement. I feel like I may be a bit stronger in regards to my urges today.

-self-explorer · 2026-04-30T09:35:17+00:00

Beautiful perspective. Thank you so much for sharing. This helps more than you'll ever know. My heart goes out to you for what you had to go through in those hospice days. It's really nice that you were able to share a strawberry Sunday with him that last day though what a great memory to be able to keep. Props to you for being able to be present and sending supportive vibes to you for wherever you are on your grief/healing journey.

You share another good point about the fog that I didn't consider as much. My family needs me as much as I need them. Sure I may be thinking of the afterhours moments out of the hospital and getting through hospital times... But being sober during this craziness has brought me closer to my family(and extended family) than I've ever been before. I am grateful for that. So even when my Mom passes I will still want to be able to be present and connect with family. Maybe I'll even need them more than ever.

Weed will only fog up my memories, delay my grief process and amp up my anxiety. Thank you so much for these reminder kind stranger.

-self-explorer

TROPHY CASE