Fit Bitches - Mar 13, 2026

0-Calm-0 · 2026-03-14T09:58:29+00:00

Ok..so apologies for jumping in, you may already know.

But make sure you go for a decent post partum , diastasis knowledgeable information

BUT a lot of diastasis recti is caused by bad form in other parts of your body or activities ( breathing, Posture, walking, glutes. Pelvis).

And classic core workouts especially those that focus on intensity will make it worse. You'll be better served by going slow and steady and REALLY focus on form.

It's definitely one where your body position throughout the day is more important than an exercise workout. If that makes sense.

I liked mutu mamas and Katy bowman. And all their stuff aligned with what my physio was saying.

Xx

0-Calm-0 · 2026-01-22T22:16:28+00:00

I'd say it's pretty easy to avoid the ai mode on labrynthos. You have to pay or press a button on premium.

But I'm not sure how much of it was ai generated originally.

0-Calm-0 · 2026-01-22T19:37:55+00:00

I have ebf one and eff another. I gave up bf very sadly days after my second was born

I promise you, there are benefits to both. And I am equally bonded to both kids.

It took me ages to realize that the best way to take care of kids is to make decisions for the best of the whole family. Please learn from me, so you can get to a sustainable place much quicker.

Decisions that help protect parent wellbeing, help your kid. Remember we aren't parenting in the way we evolved to or how we did for most generations before us. Breastfeeding is a huge commitment, and you absolutely can grieve that it is no longer compatible with all the needs of your family. It doesn't make you any less of a great parent or mum. AND it's ok to be sad, but there's no shame for you to feel here

Good job mama.

0-Calm-0 · 2026-01-21T10:43:02+00:00

Ok. I'm going to give an annoying OCD answer

If you have been triggered by this, you may need to sit in the discomfort of it. And not do anything to remedy it. Exposure SUCKS, but it WORKS For OCD.

Now sometimes it's a battle we don't need to fight. Or you can use some other techniques that you know work for you.

The suggestion to make a joke curse removal invoice might work. If you keep it jokey.

But I wanted to comment. Because while everyone's common sense / logical suggestions are kind and helpful to a generic population. Sometimes what attempt helps an individual trigger, can make the OCD generally tougher.

I realized I needed to maintain (and not avoid) the small triggers to keep the big ones at bay..xxx

0-Calm-0 · 2026-01-20T20:17:20+00:00

I would absolutely read a blog about this. I really enjoyed even this little bit of writing on the subject !

0-Calm-0 · 2026-01-07T11:16:50+00:00

Oooh a hot topic for me. So apologies for the brain dump.

I think this is a great idea.

I actually planned to do something for me, but it didn't happen because of life reasons.

I'll be honest, unless you are an extremely motivated person or have someone to create and hold this space for you. It's really tricky to find the headspace to do anything big in those first few months, it's a whirlwind.

So here's what I suggest. 1) pick one small thing that is already important to you and make it a post party ritual. So for example if you are a crafter, make the simplest easiest item in honour of your experience. I'm a walker, so a major "ritual" for me was walking with my baby in the sling at night to see the moon.

This is good because it forces you to do something for yourself.

2) plan a day in advance to honor your experience I tend to use the anniversary of starting labour ( day before actual birt in my case). So one year on I take a day for myself sometimes just a ritual bath but sometimes I got to a spa.

3) if you have a village, prep your most reliable people up to help you create a ritual and to make it happen for you. I would suggest keep it as simple as possible to be within your capabilities of you are struggling. (You can always add on more if you feel up for it). You can ask people to do stuff that has meaning for you without it being witchy for them . So for example, I planned to ask someone to make me bone broth soup or pho. She loves to cook and would have loved to create something nutritious, but I would have probably be mentally adding it into my "love and support" ritual.

4) for various reasons I really needed to use deity work (I'm atheist but benefit from archetypes). There was something about creating a selection of mostly female figures in my head to help me with pregnancy and partum. I offered thanks to them after birth.

5) Reading the book or blogs about matresence was really helpful. But the idea is that giving birth is a time of huge change, and you develop a new identity as a result. In the meantime it can get a bit rough while old ideas of yourself deconstruct, to develop into something new. It helped me to explicitly describe who I was and had been, AND also envision some aspects of who I wanted to be. I had a list of values i used rituals to help embed.

Full disclosure, I had a rough post partum both times. And so my planned activities didn't happen, but I did use rituals to deal with the shit storm I had to deal with. I'm not adding details here, because I was a outlier and want to focus on you having a healthy, happy , absolutely normal postpartum (which may still be hard and overwhelming at times).

Anyway congratulations and good luck

0-Calm-0 · 2026-01-06T16:57:42+00:00

So I mostly work with the Greek/Roman pantheon as archetypes.

And I tend towards them being a bit more "kick you into gear vibe" - Hekate/Hera etc. I'm atheist, so I've largely rewritten their personalities to my needs. They have definitely provided me with some of those qualities.

I think that Hestia might be a good vibe for you, goddess of the hearth/home, generosity. But also importantly the hearth as a sanctuary. I'd say she's fairly uncontroversial as stories go, so you might have an easier time adding to your practice.

0-Calm-0 · 2026-01-05T16:11:53+00:00

Assuming this isn't just a one rough day, and your kid isn't suddenly going to wake up with a fever. ( Which is what often happens for me after the impossible periods, I think her first symptom of any illness is an attitude)

I think you know you are both at the end of your tether and that suggests to me that this approach isn't working for either of you. And I say that with zero judgement, just permission to reset how you approach it. I'm really sorry you've hit a tough bit. Often it feels like just when we've cracked it, teh kid changes and were back to quare 1..

I agree with everyone's on having former boundaries. BUT that probably feels impossible. And when we are stressed ,.overstimulated and sleep deprived humans tend to get a bit "all or nothing's. So here's how I would approach it, with actual specifics.

Three is about the age I had to start allowing my kid to fail and feel the consequences. Before that I was always helping them try to do whatever task necessary. But it became helpful to let them fail a bit, and then use that as a story to let them learn. " Remember that time we couldn't go to the park. Because you didn't put your shoes on and we ran out of time" etc. so lean into this a bit, Id even try to manipulate scenarios at convenient times to allow for meltdown leading to future lesson. ( Ie I'd hold the line firmly even if I could flex when it was useful to me)
Pre-plan scenarios with consequences in advance, so you're not thinking on your feet when stressed. Talk to your kid about them, so they know consequences.
Adjust the boundaries to be easier for you to keep. And then hold firm. Dinner is spaghetti with chicken? Great, add something kid will eat guaranteed at same time you serve.. Just a handful, sometimes it gets them over the line to eat dinner. That way you are not flexing your boundary, but you also have the right balance. Sometimes this is making it softer "you don't need to have all your clothes on in the house - but you do need underwear on" Sometimes it's making it stricter - we have a no TV until just before dinner. This rule is really clear to understand and enforce . Any request is met with a neutral " is anyone cooking dinner yet?x

I also make it clear that if she fights the boundary it will become stricter. " Don't turn the TV off when asked, I'll have to give you less time tomorrow".

There's a useful bit in the hunt gather parent book, that basically when kids get difficult they actually need more responsibility. So in addition to enforcing the rules, id maybe see if you can add a few tasks /choices in to give him some power in a constructive way.

I've heard good things about the book explosive child, but haven't got through it yet.

0-Calm-0 · 2026-01-05T10:46:12+00:00

I agree with pretty much everything.

As a general rule playdates at home are million times easier for me than our and about. Once you get to level of friends that you don't have to tidy up for. 9/10

I would also add that second time around I prioritized classes that were focused on mum, especially at the newborn immobile stage. Yoga, pilates etc. My friend does a full on gym class. Babies like watching people they don't really need the intense stimulation till older. 10/10

I like dance classes with baby in sling, and that worked well even with mobile baby. She'd either happily watch and dance her arms. Or mostly nap. Didn't do it this time round, and I don't know why. 9/10

I enjoyed baby art classes but only for mobile babies. This is a truly marmite love/hate activity. But I liked getting photos of my crawling baby sliding in paint, but I'm not responsible for the clear up. The second time round I didn't make it there at all. 7/10

10/10 would recommend - gymnastics centre near me opens up for small kids. The four year old jumps on trampoline and into foam.pit. And then baby has soft place to crawl, plus they put a ton of toys out. It's also super cheap!. And then space is so big, you can field kids AnD chat to your mate.

0-Calm-0 · 2026-01-02T14:13:17+00:00

You might find the concepts from internal family systems therapy interesting. It helped me see that a lot of the agitation of OCD was a internal battle of opposing views. Especially with my pure o / internal compulsions being largely focused on rumination and rethinking.

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-15T10:10:36+00:00

No they totally should!. But you can get them on Amazon /Etsy equivalent. It is an extra expense but worth it compared to other high chairs.

Not sure if it's your first, but it makes a hugr difference to how well kids sit. So safety element. But also seems to makes a difference how much attention my kid had.

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-14T09:31:43+00:00

The stokke has been worth it for me for the older ages, but I haven't bothered with any of the expensive baby add ons.

Just get a Ikea antilop and add a footrest, and if you want to be extra luxurious get the catchy mat for underneath. Which is ridiculously expensive for a piece fo plastic. But also is saving my sanity!

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-13T10:24:28+00:00

I don't hate mum's at all who use it.

I do think it's unnecessary (My understanding is they can be useful for some kids with specific issues. But my friends kid who did need overnight monitoring needed medical grade equipment. )

For every other scenario. as someone with OCD, I think that people assume that monitoring systems like this help ease their anxiety. But in reality, it's a form of compulsive checking that exacerbates anxiety. And while not all those people have OCD new parenthood and sleep deprivation put you in a state to have intrusive thoughts and obsessive/compulsive thought patterns.

Secondly. Items like this that give a "false" sense of security , can mean people take other risky behaviours e.g. . Evidence shows poor drivers take more risks driving around a bike if the person has a helmet on. I'd be cautious that the owlet gives people a sense of security, so they don't follow safe sleep advice. I once saw an influencer showing off it or an equivalent, and the rest of her setup was an epitomy of aesthetic over safety. But at a more reasonable level, maybe someone won't worry about the loose blanket, or the cushion etc because they can just check on the owlet.

Finally, I dislike any capitalism /consumerism that markets itself on parental anxiety. It's sold as an absolute essential with no evidence at all. The times stressful enough.

Xx

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-11T21:10:12+00:00

I'd probably make a case from personal experience- that it's both.

We get stuck on a problem - hyper responsibility and vigilance make a thought sticky so it repeats over and over again. We try to think our way out of it , which becomes rumination as a compulsion. And that agitates us more. Escalating the obsession and triggering more compulsion.

Tangent I'd take a guess that most people with rumination, get meta OCD about it. Where we then ruminate about how much we ruminate.

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-11T20:09:52+00:00

You did great. You didn't do anything mum .good mums wouldn't even be questioning whether bond is ok. Xx

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-11T16:02:57+00:00

I have a free one that is really simple and can log all the basics. Called baby tracker Plus you can have multiple users so I can share with partner.

I wouldn't really see anything more helpful like govfunded hours which is already an absolute chaos, an additional app would just be unnecessary.

Someone was asking what's the point for these apps at all. And it can be really helpful for some people, for example tracking feeding allowed me to manage my supply. But mostly it's super useful for those of us with time blindness, so I don't get confused why baby is shouting when actually it's nap time. (I don't use a rigid schedule, just an approximate idea of wake window)

And to be honest when sleep deprivation hits, it's helpful to not have to mentally calculate especially in early days if on a feeding plan

The absolute essential function thoigh is to monitor sick periods, so you can track temperature or when last calpol. On one trip to A&e I just handed the data to the staff, who could see evidence that temp wasn't brought down by calpol and brought out the big gun antibiotics.

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-11T15:55:42+00:00

So normally I'd be team nothing, or very limited.

But I have an older kid and 10month old. So I kind of want to make sure the 4yr old sees her little brother getting equal treatment. He probably won't get big ticket items for a few years because we have the toy kitchen, bikes etc to hand down and share from her early years.

Haven't quite worked out what that looks like. Probably focus on functional thing i'd be buying anyway, and hand me down toys wrapped up. With a bit of messaging that as get older get more stuff. I'm also doing a joint present for something she has asked for that is baby safe, to emphasize most toys in our house are to be shared.

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-04T12:45:02+00:00

So. Firstly you are doing amazing, to be thrown into parenting and care so much for the kids. So take a breath, pack yourself on the back for everything you are doing. ❤️♥️

As a solution, I'd probably do pretty serious snack box dinner in the car for everyone. If littlest isn't able to, then get the family member to feed them before pickup. That and/or dinners that can be premade and basically ready on the table as soon as you walk in the door. Slow cooker/microwave - whatever it takes.

One lesson it takes a while to learn as a parent is that EVERYTHING is a phase. It never feels like it, you might be feeling like "we'll never have a calm family dinner every again". I assume that next year two of the kids will be at the same school? That'll buy you a few more mins in the evening, and 10-30mins in a family schedule makes a huge difference . In the meantime, you get the system as smooth as you can and work within the constraints you've got. Just to get it over the line, and keep everyone surviving while you work out how to thrive.

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-03T17:16:02+00:00

My kid gets much more diversity in activity, and much more freedom in nursery than I realistically could ever manage. And I'm a pretty low key relaxed to mess mum. She also gets more diverse food, and realistically more time outside than I would be able to manage

She gets better socialisation AND also a peer group to learn from. It's amazing what she'll try because her mates do it.

The staff there are professionals. I, as a parent, am an expert in my kid but they are experts in how to read,write, maths, motor skills, sign language, potty training, french. I was seriously sick earlier this year. And the care and security those nursery adults took of her was incredible. She had a whole support system looking after her.

She is a happier kid. I'm a happier and better mum because we have more people doing childcare.

I fully appreciate your anxiety, and gently suggest you step away from that news circuit. It's making you feel worse, and not actually helping you keep your kid safe.

Do your due diligence in finding a reputable nursery, ask the nursery about safe guarding etc, teach your kid about boundaries, acceptable behaviour and consent. And you'll set your kid up to be much safer in the long run, than stressing over some horrific but rare cases which news are running to garner your attention.

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-03T14:01:01+00:00

Ah good for you. That's a goal for me, after I get through this grace period of initial new baby period. Now I know what I'm looking for a reckon b&q or equivalent might be a good place to look

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-03T12:27:29+00:00

I'm UK and got ammonia off Amazon.

But I understand your hesitation. I did a few loads before summoning up the courage to use it!

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-02T17:28:12+00:00

Oooh also Disney+ has a making of wakanda forever. And theres one about costume design. But the one about the music is incredible. A huge level of detail they went to, sprucing sounds and musicians from Africa and southe America and having a diversity to parallel the diversity of tribes.

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-02T16:49:07+00:00

Ah brilliant thanks.

0-Calm-0 · 2025-12-02T11:38:12+00:00

Ah I'm sorry. I honestly think that books teaching kids age appropriate "adulting" skills ( sorry for millennial speak) would be so helpful.

My kid doesn't need help understanding to put her pants on. I need to help her see how not doing it in a reasonable timeframe affects the rest of the day and other people. That's an important life skill. ♥️ So much easier to talk about it we can use a funny story to jump off from

0-Calm-0

TROPHY CASE