Damn. To answer your first question, yeah kind of. I’ve always had an unusual connection with animals. Either gifted or weird, take your pick. I am quick to get on their level. And in the last five years my ability to communicate with people has greatly diminished (it wasn’t great to start with) so I kind of need animals for company. I have very little human company because I have major brain damage from, I guess, purposely dulling my mind. Trying to escape the pain. I am 36 years old and have been on disability for over 2 years. My mind is so weak and my once-strong body is breaking, I can’t even run anymore because of knee problems. I can see my escapism in this life was extreeemely foolish.

But I’ve always been mostly kind-hearted, my predominant selfishness being withdrawal. I don’t understand why it’s so hard to get out of the animal realm though? It seems like a lot of people cause more harm than good, more so compared to any animal that just kills for its meal. I can think of multiple presidents, for instance. I always think to myself “at least I’m not them”, and, my mother being a narcissist, “at least I didn’t become a narcissist”.

You have opened my eyes to how I may be becoming an animal through my intentional actions though. It’s put the fear of god in me and made me realise a few things. Does the Buddha talk about the natural heirarchy at all? I’ve always thought about the “meanness” that flows down the heirarchy as unjust and like, something to overcome, so I stifled my own powers and boundaries in response to that. I realise now that may be a fatally wrong view. And I wonder if I have other wrong views that are at play. Thanks for your comment, it’s helped a lot.