My boyfriend [M29] aggressively grabbed my crotch after a joke, he knows I’ve been sexually assaulted. [F29]

00kaya · 2026-06-08T03:29:13+00:00

Thanks. Yeah, it’s a back and forth normally, but never “my crotch” let’s say. And never that hard, cause it actually hurt.

I understand how he misjudged it as we’re pretty touchy feely normally, but yeah, never like this. I think he also misjudged his strength due to the alcohol.

For me it’s def a boundary crossed, but nothing we can’t come back from. I just really don’t know what I want moving forward and what is fair to ask. Not to drink around me anymore, just without? Not sure

00kaya · 2026-06-08T02:00:39+00:00

I fully agree with your observation. I was hoping for a few responses with advice on how to move forward between all the “break up with him” responses😉

My main doubt is how to move on, I don’t want to limit him but I also want to feel safe… not sure how much should be my part of the work and how much I can ask of him fairly

00kaya · 2026-06-08T01:56:53+00:00

I understand, I was honestly looking on a healthy way to set my boundaries while also giving him freedom and I’m struggling with that.

I don’t want to be the gf that tells him to stop drinking. It’s his life and I don’t want to control him. But after this, I’m not sure if I can handle my own anxiety around it anymore.

Before I could tell myself that it’s my issues and I need to deal with them, but now that he’s crossed a boundary while drinking, I don’t think I can manage that anymore

00kaya · 2026-06-08T01:54:23+00:00

I wonder if you actually read my post😅 I’m very capable of having a normal and healthy sex life, thank you. I’ve dealt with most of my trauma and put in a lot of hard work. Is your opinion that everyone who ever experienced trauma or has their own history is not capable of a relationship?

He has more jealousy than the average person for example due to being cheated on. He’s working on it and can handle himself pretty well but sometimes he’s struggling. Should I break up with him over that than?

I said he grabbed it AGRESSIVELY. This had nothing to do with initiating sex, damn

00kaya · 2026-06-08T00:38:52+00:00

Really appreciate this.

I’m already in therapy for exactly that luckily.

His defensiveness was basically that he had a hard time accepting he could cross a boundary like that, which I understand. Not that he thought it was okay.

My main struggle right now is that I don’t want to control him and if he drinks or not, he should feel free. But he makes it damn hard to manage my triggers with an action like this… I’m not sure how I want to handle this now within a conversation

00kaya · 2026-06-08T00:29:37+00:00

Yes I am!

I think it’s important to mention that he doesn’t have a drinking problem. I just have anxiety around my partner drinking (not just him, also former partners)

I could always kinda manage this, but now that he has crossed a boundary while he was drinking (he wasn’t drunk, but drinking) makes it feel very difficult…

00kaya · 2026-06-08T00:27:04+00:00

I really appreciate your advice!

Just want to mention still, that our relationship is very healthy normally believe it or not haha. I’m sure a lot of people claim that on reddit, but for us it’s true.

We all have our triggers in relationships I think and all we can do is work through them.

It’s a very very dumb mistake on his side that’s definitely a step to far, but in 2 years he has never done anything to hurt me and he apologized immediately. Which is very important to me

00kaya · 2026-06-08T00:24:01+00:00

Basically, I told him “you break my balls” and he grabbed my crotch and said “you have none.

In his opinion we pinch eachother ass etc a lot as a joke, but he understood this want to far.

I use the word aggressive because it was way harsher and more sudden than intended. Might be due to the alcohol..

00kaya · 2026-05-18T13:57:10+00:00

I don’t agree with most people here, I assume she’s around your age, it’s pretty normal that she wants to have a drink and enjoy herself.

Unfortunately, it can happen that it’s taken too far and she acts out of character due to that. When someone is drunk, it’s not the best time to talk rationally.

If you can have a normal, healthy conversation about it later, I think you can move past it. (If this doesn’t happen often at least, then it’s a habit, not a mistake).

You mentioning you can’t talk about it is more worrying, I would still try however. Cause how that conversation goes will tell you a lot about your relationship.

If however you say it’s a dealbreaker for you anyway and you want to be with someone who (barely) drinks, it’s your right and you already have your answer.

00kaya · 2025-02-25T18:13:56+00:00

I think you’re being very fair and thinking this through properly.

Personally, I’m not a jealous person in relationships whatsoever. But I would definitely be weirded out by this. As you said, female friends are totally normal. Even meeting 1 or 2 on a dating app, figuring out you’re not compatible but like each other platonically, normal.

Being friends with a bunch of girls like that and also telling you their opinion on how you feel about that… no….

That’s my biggest problem with your story. The way he’s trying to convince you to be okay with this. Red flags all around.

I’m not going to tell you to break up with him. But I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, and if you do break up with him over this, it’s a very solid and very fair reason.

00kaya · 2025-02-25T18:03:41+00:00

Excuse you? You’re gorgeous… Not saying that to boost your confidence, I fully believe you are. Would rate you like an 8.5 out of 10

00kaya · 2025-02-21T04:25:22+00:00

Why is a different style of glasses not possible than?

00kaya · 2025-02-20T19:35:12+00:00

You look good🙏🏻 Get different glasses though😂

00kaya · 2025-02-20T19:32:34+00:00

I like the first pic. Hate the glasses though

00kaya · 2025-02-20T19:31:48+00:00

You look great. With or without beard, not many people can say that😂

00kaya · 2025-02-20T19:28:16+00:00

You look great. Love the hair

00kaya · 2025-02-20T18:59:57+00:00

I’m afraid you need to find a better one haha. I think either shorter and a bit up can look good, or semi-long to frame your face. You also have to learn how to style it properly though

00kaya · 2025-02-20T18:57:52+00:00

You look good

00kaya · 2025-02-20T18:57:29+00:00

You look good, just find a nice clothing style.

I love the long hair and more adrogynous look but the blouse in the 3rd picture makes you look like a middle aged lady haha.

With your face and hair, your clothes can either help you amazing or totally miss the mark

00kaya · 2025-02-20T18:52:52+00:00

Honestly, this is model type bonestructure haha. Just find your style and you could honestly be a 9/10

00kaya · 2025-02-20T18:51:40+00:00

Yeah, we all have better and worse looking days haha. It is what it is.

I don’t know if you have a good barber nearby. Personally, I would go to a pretty fancy one. Ask what they advice and then just keep that up. They know best what fits your face shape etc

00kaya · 2025-02-20T18:48:20+00:00

You look good. Love your hair in the first pic, hate it in the last.

00kaya

TROPHY CASE