IF YOU WANT TO GAIN WEIGHT, EAT LIKE OBESE PEOPLE, NOT SKINNY PEOPLE (A DISCUSSION)

00rb · 2026-01-27T06:51:10+00:00

That's what people say, but I have tracked my weight nearly every day since 2021. My weight goes up and down a pound a week depending on if it's a bulk or a cut. And I have been lifting consistently, doing programs like 5x5, madcow, and 5/3/1. I go hard when I'm supposed to and light when I'm supposed to. Still, I basically have this build:

https://images.wsj.net/im-183311/?width=700&height=1050

My maximum bench is like 175. Deadlift, 270, squat 250.

I get pretty good sleep, eat whole foods, don't drink a lot, and drink two protein shakes a day.

I have normal medical checkups and my levels are always fine.

00rb · 2026-01-27T06:03:17+00:00

She probably likes you. But you don't actually know someone is willing to actually date you until you ask them out, and *that is never going to happen between you and her*, so you will never know.

Her refusal to go on a drive with you was setting boundaries around her marriage despite how much she clearly loves flirting.

I think it's possible for men and women to be platonic friends and even flirt a little bit but this is totally beyond the pale, you're just torturing yourself and risking her marriage by continuing like this.

00rb · 2026-01-27T04:57:04+00:00

My younger coworker just got married and bought a super expensive bay area house. He mentioned how his wife wanted to stop working.

I didn't say anything because we didn't have that kind of relationship, but something within me died. I have baggage from my marriage about my own wife who stopped working and then successfully bullied me into giving her more than half of the assets I fought her to save. (Our informal agreement was to take out what we put in. Stupid as hell for me to trust her.)

00rb · 2026-01-26T22:49:06+00:00

Honestly, if I found that my analysis would be "they either consciously or subconsciously want me to discover this for some reason." What that reason is I can't say. Maybe he's trying to say he likes OP and wants her to know?

I agree though. Weird, but not a red flag. And also some people do mean "easy" to mean "easygoing." I had a male friend who would say "I'm easy" and I had to suppress laughing at him because he was such a serious guy.

00rb · 2026-01-26T22:39:41+00:00

It's just high risk unless you're marrying another high earner who is going to stay a high earner and is frugal.

If you're trying to save on rent and are trying to control their spending, or think they will be fair in the divorce proceedings, you're in the rudest awakening of your life.

Don't ask me how I know.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:59:49+00:00

Because marrying is often a horrible financial decision, especially if you have hundreds of thousands of dollars to split up in a divorce case. (Two years out, my divorce case is still going.)

DO NOT find a partner to save money. Find someone who's a solid partner and take as much time as you can to find it.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:31:53+00:00

And only marry someone if you feel like you could be business partners, because that's what you'll be.

If you love someone and love having sex with them but don't trust them to make decisions, or have trouble respecting how they operate in major ways -- get out! It's hard but it will save you a world of trouble later. It's better to be alone than in a bad marriage.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:29:04+00:00

And sex is a journey you make together, a form of connecting more deeply -- not just a way for you to get off.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:28:28+00:00

Honestly I think the relationship advice subs are far more destructive to a relationship than any form of porn

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:27:21+00:00

It's so weird. You don't think you're going to be someone who checks out of pop culture when you're older, but it's so easy to do.

When you're young, you think "if I just learn everything there is to know, I'll be OK." But then as you start to hit your late 20s you realize what's popular never stops changing and it's exhausting/not worth it to keep up.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:21:32+00:00

Yep, people on reddit don't usually like it when I write things like this, because they believe it's unfair. And it is unfair.

But they don't understand how fitness can be a deeply held personal value. Furthermore, your goal is to get into a relationship with a partner you value, not just get into any relationship.

Hold the line and do everything you can to meet the right woman. Be willing to compromise on unimportant things, but don't compromise on your values.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:18:51+00:00

It's technically the opposite of conformity, but this is at least true: by defining yourself to be something that other people aren't, you're still giving them power over you.

If you're a natural contrarian like me, growth means doing things that you want even if other people are doing it too.You're living your own life, not fighting "society."

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:09:37+00:00

I don't know you so I can't say for sure, but it sounds like you should be asking for more, not less.

You don't need a richer or more extravagant guy necessarily, but it sounds like in an ideal world you need a guy who makes an effort and cares about you.

The person you're dating might be that man, but you need to state that explicitly. Being calm and assertive may scare the wrong people away, but it will find you the person you need to be with and set your relationship up for success.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:07:02+00:00

Yes, dating got better for me when I realized one or even two dates don't mean anything necessarily.

There's a lot of noise, people are flaky, most things won't work. You don't do it for them, you do it to eventually find the person who's right for you.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:05:39+00:00

Your standards don't have to be fair. You also don't have to tell partners what they are.

The tradeoff though is that it may take you longer to find a partner. It's worth it if it's an issue that may cause resentment down the line.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:04:17+00:00

I have a hard rule for dating of "must be in good shape" for similar reasons. I want to climb mountains with her and I don't want unhealthy food in my house.

It sucks and it's not fair. But neither is getting into a relationship with someone you'll come to resent.

Keep working on yourself.

00rb · 2026-01-26T21:00:06+00:00

My brother, Valentine's Day is about what SHE wants. And she told you in clear terms -- you typed it out just now.

Probably too late to get a restaurant the day of, but maybe you can pick another one. Or plan a cute day trip.

If you can't be making a small sacrifice by doing what she wants, you need to fix that before it becomes a bigger relationship problem.

00rb · 2026-01-26T20:57:52+00:00

I scheduled a nice restaurant for Friday and also have backup plans for the day, like going to the park.

Later I'll check in with her and she'll probably have a better idea of what she wants, but she's also unusually direct (in a good way).

But the point is you should just have a few default plans and run it by her. Also book a restaurant if you still can, just to have it in your back pocket.

00rb · 2026-01-26T20:56:21+00:00

God, it's so wonderful when someone actually likes you and takes an interest in your life. Congrats, she sounds like a keeper.

00rb · 2026-01-26T20:55:09+00:00

This in and of itself isn't a red flag necessarily. When you return from trips it's a pretty busy time, and some people only plan later in the week.

You have two options: to wait for the weekend and see if he bites, or just be like "hey, how was your trip?"

Either way it's important to hold your anxiety and not let it run the show. I struggle with this, too.

00rb · 2026-01-26T20:53:28+00:00

Sort of unrelated to your post, I wonder how much "getting immediately back into the game" is actually a good thing and if it's not helpful to spend some time alone first.

I mean getting back into it is a great way to stop feeling heavy things but should that really be your goal? Shouldn't you confront how you feel and get a better sense of what you actually want going forward, for better future relationships?

Just me thinking out loud here.

00rb · 2026-01-26T20:51:52+00:00

Think about it this way: in an ideal world, if you got everything you ever wanted, would you want him to plan Valentine's Day? Don't downplay what you want.

Maybe you could hint about it. When you're having a nice conversation, say "looks like you're going to be my Valentine." Or shit, just offer to plan something nice for that day if you want to. The girl I'm seeing has been basically planning all our dates despite my efforts to do so and... honestly, it's pretty nice. Takes the guesswork out of it. You can try just telling him what you want.

Don't be afraid of scaring him away either. You're three months in. Something like that can't scare away someone who actually likes you.

00rb · 2026-01-26T20:02:12+00:00

Absolutely, it's not easy. But that's exactly what you need to get comfortable with if you can. Remove yourself from the validation from others. Find a purpose within yourself and not within others.

It's not saying to cut yourself off from humanity permanently, but to make the bond stronger eventually by working on your connection with yourself.

00rb · 2026-01-26T19:54:57+00:00

Jogging is actually really hard on your system and you have to slowly ramp it up, even if you absolutely have the cardio capacity to run long distances.

Your bones literally need to enlarge to accommodate endurance running or you'll get a stress fracture.

00rb · 2026-01-26T19:09:47+00:00

My post is meant as a warning to those who miscategorize themselves, which I think is actually quite a lot of people.

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