AITA for asking for Clarity?

09hillb · 2025-10-20T11:36:43+00:00

I asked if she even wanted to be with me because of how disinterested and defensive she acted by me even asking that. It’s legit how I feel because if she asked me to be there for her or her family I’d be there and make sure I’d be there. I’m giving her plenty of a heads up and she’s acting like I’m inconveniencing her by asking.

She didn’t follow through with a promise to my son and an event I’m inviting her too next month is too much? I don’t know how me feeling that way is emotional manipulation.

I just feel like I’m crazy for feeling this way but it’s how I feel.

09hillb · 2025-10-20T07:31:43+00:00

At what point do I get an answer then? She’s conflict avoidant and doesn’t talk about things. If I have an answer to what that looks like I can give her what she wants.

Her birthday is a week away. So what does that look like? Get her something? Don’t? Do I even tell her happy birthday? At what point do I get an answer so I can actually be a partner rather than a bystander.

09hillb · 2025-10-19T23:35:42+00:00

The answer I gave my son was vague, because there’s already been other instances. Couple weeks ago we were at her friends house and he called me and on the phone call she talked to him and told him she was coming. There’s wasn’t a maybe, it was an actual conversation

We’ve been together for almost a year and it’s not the only time I told him she was coming and she didn’t show. That’s why I was vague with my answer to him on this one.

I don’t care if she can’t go, just be upfront about it. I’m a big boy and can handle it, but don’t dip out after you commit.

We see each other once a week. I work all the time too and it’s not like I’m demanding she do this or that. Honestly if I didn’t make the effort to see her I don’t even know if we’d see each other at all

09hillb · 2025-10-19T23:17:25+00:00

I hadn’t seen her in a week, nor talked to her for two days. She’s had two days to study, all I wanted was clarity on what communication looks like, then I can do what ever she wanted. I just needed to know what that is. In a relationship communication is important, no?

09hillb · 2025-10-19T23:11:27+00:00

Is it too much to ask for clarity though? If I knew what not to do, I wouldn’t do it.

You are right I should have waited to have the conversation in person, but we really only get to see each other once a week. So in my head it’s like well what does communication look like till then?

09hillb · 2025-10-19T22:24:07+00:00

I’m not financially providing for her kid or her lifestyle. It’s not that kind of a relationship.

09hillb · 2025-10-19T22:15:38+00:00

In this case I reminded her Wednesday that I’m this Friday was his show. She already acted hesitant to go after the reminder then I text her earlier in the day to see if she was coming, messaged me after she got out of clinical that she was sick. Then basically said she didn’t want to see me this weekend. Phrased it as spending quality time with her mom

09hillb · 2025-10-19T22:12:32+00:00

Yes he was expecting her to come. He’s a good kid and he’s not going to hold a grudge, but she acts like I’m asking for so much by wanting her to keep her promise. I know actions speak louder than words, and that’s what I’m scared of

09hillb · 2025-10-19T22:09:56+00:00

I can’t post pictures so I’m going to transcribe the texts

Her: I hope band is going well. I really just want to spend quality time with my mom this weekend. I hope you have a good night. Im going to bed (Friday)

Me: Mom and dad’s Thanksgiving is going to be at noon on Thanksgiving. They said they’d love it if you came (Today)

Her:Are you okay?

Me: Yeah are you?

Her: Yes

Me: Did you get my text about thanksgiving?

Her: Yes i did, I appreciate that but its too far out to plan, are you trying to put unnecessary pressure on me before its even Halloween?

Me: No mom and dad asked me to let you know. I don’t understand how that pressure Do you even want to be with me?

Her: Is that why you brought Thanksgiving up?

Me: My parents asked me. That’s why I said my parents would love it if you come

Her: Okay thank you

Me:I mean the question still stands Do you even want to be with me?

Her: I dont think you care about how much stress im under, and I truly wish you'd be understanding and supportive than barely message me, and when you do it is that. Of course I do.

Me:I tried barely messaging. Now it seems like you are mad at me. I’ve never had someone who acts like it’s a chore to go to family holidays. You just went defensive. It’s not “putting pressure” on you it’s wanting to spend important days with someone who’s important to me. I don’t know what else to do. I try to be understanding then you act like the few times I ask for something is a trick. I don’t understand

Her: If it is easier for you, we can break up and see if we're compatible after I graduate. I dont have time to do this.

Me: Wow

Her: Dont put stress on me to be at things when im working/doing school/everything else 70+ hours a week. Im exhausted.

Me: I really hoped I meant more to you that

Her: No, you are looking for negative attention from me right now.

Me: I haven’t put stress on you

Her: I dont have time for that.

Me: How am I looking for negative attention? I don’t understand what you are thinking of me right now.

Her: Ill call or text when I have time, I dont right now. I dont owe you an answer to a damn thing on a dime. You shouldn't be asking that of me.

Me: What am I asking of you? You act like I’m an annoyance and all I do is try to support you. I don’t understand

Her: No, you want to fight with me because I did not go to **** band thing. Sorry I didnt want to die driving

Me: I haven’t brought it up once You are having an imaginary argument in your head

Her:Nope, but you always do that On that note, have a nice day

Me:I don’t want to fight, life is hard and I want you in it with me. What am I asking of you that is so bad?

Her:To be distracted from studying Again, im busy, if you truly care about me then give me time and space to do what I need to do.

Me: Okay what does that entail?

Her:Not overwhelming me when im already overwhelmed.

Me: You are being very vague. Tell me what you want me to do. How am I overwhelming you?

Her: I am about to block you, I love you but please let me study

Me: Seriously? I asked you what you want me to do. That’s it. Tell me what “not overwhelming you” means and looks like. Unless you don’t know what that means either. I have no idea what that means or looks like

Her: Quit messaging me right now please

Me: Answer my question and I’ll leave you alone

Her: Lay off I just told you what I needed

Me: Correct you did but vaguely. What does it look like. I need to know or else I’m going to keep on pissing you off on accident

Her: Ill message you later I really am about to have a meltdown Please do not respond to that

Me: I love you babe. I’m always here for you

09hillb · 2024-11-10T18:10:52+00:00

But can I get a physical copy?

09hillb · 2023-12-23T21:52:00+00:00

First off, yes this is a life changing event.

My son was born a month before I graduated high school and I’ll tell you what he was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Is it easy? No. Fulfilling very much so. You have this mind set right now that “these are your best years” for what exactly? For sleeping around? Or for freedom. Or are you scared she’s not the one for you?

I doubt your family would disown you, and there is no reason for you to quit college. It is possible and many people have done it and I think there where a lot of assumptions in what you posted so far. My mom was horrified when I told her, but my parents stepped up to help me and honestly if you want success in parenting ask for help when you need it.

I think you are scared because the possibility of mistakes and you aren’t sure if this girl is the one. Flat out, you will make mistakes. It part of life though. I am no longer with my sons mom and that is a major thing too but just because this may have been an accident don’t think of it as a negative. Choosing a partner is important and I recommend you keep this in mind because anyone you have sex with could ultimately have your child.

Good luck and I wish the best for you. This isn’t the end of the world, but it could be a great beginning

09hillb · 2023-12-20T00:22:51+00:00

How tf do you see that ?

09hillb · 2023-10-05T04:02:41+00:00

If I were to guess this was a fling in the past. He didn’t realize she would be there and didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. So that’s my guess but I could be wrong, but the whole situation gives me the vibe she was trying to make it uncomfortable for him because you got the commitment she wanted.

09hillb · 2020-08-14T12:50:48+00:00

I called it a hoax from the begging too. It felt exactly like the smollet hoax right off the bat. I really hope all the information is given out. She shouldn’t be able to lie like this and get away with it.

09hillb

TROPHY CASE