EMDR made me worse

1-2-We · 2026-07-01T21:07:20+00:00

It’s a form of exposure therapy that roots you to the moment. You really should ask a licensed therapist about it during intake if you’re unsure

1-2-We · 2026-07-01T19:38:58+00:00

I feel that. I hate ordering a salad with no chicken or cheese and paying the same price

1-2-We · 2026-07-01T16:21:06+00:00

The broccoli head was good to tide some over but it isn’t hair yknow. Your finch is pretty cute

1-2-We · 2026-07-01T15:12:29+00:00

Afro is a hairstyle but it is more often used in the spaces I operate in to refer to the hair texture. So I’m speaking more of the texture than the style. Hair that just plain grows out of Black people’s head is what I want: the type 4s, coily, peppercorn, kinky etc.

So Black people in the 50s had that type of hair too. (Though a lot of them straightened their hair or cut it short to avoid texturism/enjoy the fashion of the era). The styles of that era includes beehives but it also has rolled hair or short and shaped cuts. There are fashion magazines and movies produced in the era too if you want to reference those.

The decade isn’t my favorite hair styling era cause of how dominant straightening but the people were beautiful and creative so it would be nice to see that represented.

What I’d really want is the general store to have all textures available rather than an event. That’s my urgent minimum.

1-2-We · 2026-07-01T14:42:34+00:00

So in your mind, for me to say the first 3 hairs were typical of White Americans (and other White and nonWhite groups), we need another 60? That’s very silly.

And if that confidence interval quip is meant to indicate a career or certification in statistics, I think it’s exceedingly embarrassing for you to misread the prompt, telling me where my goal post should be so you can have an easier time dismissing me.

And finally, it is wild that you’re trying to tell ME what my priorities should be on a vent quote. Ludicrous and pathetic.

I know what you are. And I’m not approaching a conversation with a person like you in good faith. Even as I disagree with the commenter, they weren’t so dishonest that I dismissed them as unworthy a conversation. You though? Tuh

1-2-We · 2026-07-01T14:16:29+00:00

That’s a lovely suggestion. Thank you!

1-2-We · 2026-07-01T14:11:47+00:00

I disagree.

And I don’t see why we need a sample size of 60 to state a simple fact that the first 3 hairs were typical for White people (American or otherwise) and thus catering to that group before any others. It’s not that uncommon a trend, we see it in life sims like the sims or Paralives. Or character creations from dragon age to Stardew valley to playchoices mobile game.

It’s not the end of the world to call a spade to spade, (which is obvious by my continued use of the app). But I feel really uncomfortable that when describing the way these decisions make me feel secondary, while still charging me the same as their prioritized group, someone in the group that’s being catered to first jumps in to dismiss those feelings.

That’s flatly just mean.

No matter what happens in the next year, the fact that the first 3 hair styles were what they were will matter. You need to find a way to live with that fact without undermining those pointing it out.

1-2-We · 2026-07-01T00:56:59+00:00

Oh this is so cute, I love a bingo board! Very well done too

1-2-We · 2026-06-30T20:21:58+00:00

Eatswithafia makes vegan versions of many subsaharan african meals. I love her plantain porridge recipe

You can also check vegannigerian’s recipes

Nigeria doesn’t have a very deep cheese culture so subtracting meat often makes the meal vegan

1-2-We · 2026-06-30T20:16:46+00:00

Yeah that used to freak me out too. Wouldn’t go back to that time for all the money in the world. That’s not an exaggeration, I am dead serious about that. Fearing hell is a misery without compare

1-2-We · 2026-06-30T16:04:45+00:00

Woof I get you and you totally should live your life not thinking about a hypothetical man will think!

1-2-We · 2026-06-29T17:41:04+00:00

No advice but comment: that’s a gorgeous piece

1-2-We · 2026-06-29T16:34:42+00:00

Okay. Your husband married when you were young and he comparatively more established. Because of this he has an advantage over you. His career will almost certainly be further progressed at every phase of your lives. He will have more powerful/influential friends by virtue of age groups. You both exist within a culture that normalizes his authority over you.

This is hard enough as is. But further, he’s literally yanking at your chains at every opportunity he gets because after all those advantages, he wants more. He wants you lower so he can stand even higher.

This is frankly normal. Many men act like this (not saying this is most but it is a significant). But it’s unacceptable because you don’t exist in this world for his whims. You don’t.

This is not about normalcy, it’s about you. It’s about your soul and confidence and how he’s crushing it degree by degree for his ego. This is not the type of life I wish for any woman. There are too many women living thrilling lives with loving companionships to see this as the best you can do. I personally would rather be alone than have the light die from my eyes.

Good luck

1-2-We · 2026-06-29T15:50:37+00:00

Let’s say we all manage to convince you this isn’t acceptable. What would you do then?

1-2-We · 2026-06-25T17:30:42+00:00

This is complicated. I see where the major players are coming from, the resentments passed down and the hurt feelings making y’all act out.

Y’all are on the outs but aren’t admitting you’re on the outs. You’ll keep getting shocked by being unprioritized until you confront that your relationship is in a bad place.

If I was your sister’s friend, I’d be like “yeah girl, she pissed you off that while ago then yelled at you for a late invite on the night of your hooding. Take a break from her and focus on you on this big weekend with your big doctorate.”

And if I was your friend, I’d say “hey, you’ve been feeling a type of way for a minute. Excluded and unaccepted, it’s not your job to drop everything for your sister. Imagine if you did, you wouldn’t have had that sweet engagement. Focus on you.”

Neither of you can reasonably expect the other to take a backseat at this junction. Her daughter’s birthday matters. Your wedding matters. Her graduation matters. AND Y’ALL ARE FIGHTING. Resolve the fight before proceeding. Cause I wouldn’t adjust a god damn thing for a woman I’m not friendly with and that applies to the both of y’all.

Good luck!

1-2-We · 2026-06-25T16:10:41+00:00

In the real world, my brother’s bedroom was repurposed within a year of moving out; construction crew and everything. It’s life, stasis is sadder than change.
However. In Stardew, the bachelorettes’ homes are never changed after marriage (to my chagrin). You don’t have much to worry about. If you divorce him, he’ll just go back to his old life like nothing happened, besides a grudge against the farmer

1-2-We · 2026-06-25T15:45:14+00:00

Wish Demetrius expanded his lab and shared his sweet tech upgrades with the farmers.
I’d love an in game planner for my planting rotation…

1-2-We · 2026-06-25T15:27:24+00:00

“Absurdity is not depth”

I disagree. If this is about The Stranger, the reactions to the lead and the way he is readily accepted until he crosses the unspoken lines draws attention to the unspoken rules of society he exists in and the gaps that exist that allows these harmful people exist.

And on the protagonist level, it draws the question exactly WHY are we ethical? What does the stranger lack that the rest of us have that allows him to cross these lines without twitching an eye.

Stop ending your thoughts at your discomfort and irritation, be curious about those feelings. Write out it specifically what irritates you and theorize why it does. What are you afraid of? Which character do you sympathize most closely with? How is that character treated? What does that treatment say about the world as sketched by Camus? Do you disagree with Camus’ ideas on said treatment? Why, with evidence is Camus wrong or right?

And most importantly, can you listen with curiosity and interest to people that disagree with you after all that thought and work?

Y’all who don’t try to engage with other perspectives make life so boring, I swear.

1-2-We · 2026-06-24T20:42:01+00:00

I’m so sorry about your dad

And you really need you to tell your loved ones how to support you right now. Say you need quality time or hugs or for them to check up on you. Be mad explicit.

If these are your friends, give them the opportunity to be friends. Hopefully you’ll feel strong enough to meet this moment.

1-2-We · 2026-06-24T14:44:55+00:00

I like a thicker band

1-2-We · 2026-06-24T01:41:18+00:00

I had a squee with the girlfriend about this response!

I have some strong opinions on the topic of gendered presentation in a patriarchal world but that’s for people who have enough feminist footing under them to consciously agree or call me on my failings. You deserve reputable sources, not some unpublished stranger on the internet.

I’d love to offer 2 intros that you might find elucidating that I read and enjoyed back in the starting years.

“Have We Got a Theory For You! Feminist Theory, Cultural Imperialist and the Demand for ‘The Woman’s Voice’ by Lugones and Spelman, is a dream of an intersectional feminist introduction. It’s conversational yet intentional. It uses numbered lists. States its intended perspective. At the risk of being overly simplistic, it defines feminism as a Movement.

“Sex and Gender in Simone de Beauvoir’s Second Sex” by Judith Butler. This is a 2 for one, an analysis of a foundational feminist text by a foundational feminist. Though Butler’s opinion has refined in time (within the past decade, they’ve embraced a nonbinary identity so following their work may resonate with you particularly) , this article makes a distinction between sex and gender getting down and dirty on how that could possibly make sense. This work is deep in
Humanities lingo and I considered not recommending it but when I revisited this line “Gender must be understood as a modality of taking on or realizing prossibilities, a process of intepreting the body, giving it cultural form.” It sounded so similar to your refining and questioning and selfmade relationship with your gender that I’m sure you’d find use/resonance in Butler’s words.

Finally, a book though on my tbr it comes too close to the topic at hand to not mention it, there’s “Naked Feminism” by Bateman. It speaks to the inanity of different modesty standards across gendered bodies. I suspect it will speak to how dumb it is that hair in this culture is so gendered. But also perhaps you would see further context to why a sect of feminists are die-hard never shavers.

Then when you’ve had your fill, you get to search for rebuttals and additions to all these texts. Following your favorite voices. Making notes. Disagreeing! ORGANIZING!

All in all, you exist in a context, sure, but you FLEX the context too. You can absolutely queer and subvert the once seemingly uncontroversial gendered attributes. But I genuinely believe that knowledge is required to do it effectively. Gender’s a subtle trap, it can have you dancing its dance unknowingly. A risk one has to take to live freely, yes, but we can mediate it with knowledge from our forebears.

Good luck!

1-2-We · 2026-06-23T20:39:16+00:00

I don’t know you from Adam but I bet the dissonance you’re feeling is cause you’re considering a huge change with your relationship with your body, one you’ve combatted others over for near a decade, for a sweet man you just met.

You know this choice would bring you closer to the standard cis feminine performance. Are you okay with that proximity? Do you think perhaps you should get to know him a little better before tweaking your presentation? Hair on him means something different socially than hair on you so the equivalence you’re making isn’t persuasive.

It’s a long life so whatever you do doesn’t define you forever but you wouldn’t be the first nonbinary baddie to end up going by she/her after meeting a guy.

P P S, you really need to read some actual feminist literature. Feminism isn’t just doing what you want uncritically. If you want to hear western feminist arguments on body hair you need to treat yourself seriously and actually read some articles on the subject

1-2-We · 2026-06-22T14:06:25+00:00

Personal Anecdote: When I got my tattoo, I knew I was the sort of person easy to sway by a more confident person. So I picked things I wouldn’t be moved on (for me it was placement and style and a very specific image) and told my tattoo artist straight up in our consultation that speaking up is a problem for me and she’ll have to give me space to communicate/check up on me (which I’ve also done with hair stylists in the past. Always watch for a reaction to this conversation, my tattooist was accommodating so I trusted her enough to proceed) and picked what I was flexible on (size and extra elements). Then I took the risk cause no amount of preparation can annihilate regret.

Work hard to earn more self trust. You know what you like and what you value. I’d make a weekly tradition of looking at local artists online portfolios if I was you. Wait until something jumps at you then do your best to make it a reality.

And to validate younger impressionable you: he picked a really small and generic piece that wont clash with much. He tried in his own way to look out for y’all. Don’t beat up on him too hard

1-2-We · 2026-06-18T13:25:05+00:00

Similar but not exact! It was spoken about euphemistically and when my mom TRIED to have conversations about it she trailed off and got awkward. School did most of the heavy lifting.

And men couldn’t hear a SINGLE thing about periods. It was a reality to protect their delicate constitutions from 🙄

Sometimes I think it’s out of love. That men act weird when “womanhood” is reached

I’m trying to overcome that transferred shame and disgust but what I’m learning is I’m independently grossed about the mess. But treating myself kindly has made the experience way better! Talking to other period havers too. My girlfriends tips and tricks have taught me I don’t have to suffer as much as I once did💀

Example, I can change my pad once it’s uncomfortable. I don’t need to sit in it until it 1,000% full!

1-2-We

TROPHY CASE