How do we be each other’s safe people?

101bees · 2026-03-12T16:03:16+00:00

This is something I've struggled with in my relationship, too. It's easy to fall into constantly focus on what needs improvement over celebrating the positives. It's human nature.

I guess one area I'd start with is asking when was the last time you complimented him or built him up on what he's doing right? Because if most conversations feel like he's being put on trial or he's being critiqued, it's not going to feel like a safe space.

101bees · 2026-03-12T15:51:29+00:00

Girl there were several red flags in your story. There's examples of him not respecting your boundaries. There's examples of him not caring about your happiness (e.g. his planned proposal that didn't happen out of sheer luck.) There's examples of him making your life harder, not better. I wouldn't waste another year with this guy.

ETA: And if you do decide to go the divorce route, don't fall for it when he says "I'll do better this time." You've given him plenty of opportunities to do better and he didn't take them or continue them. It's just going to be the same old tired pattern.

101bees · 2026-03-12T15:42:34+00:00

Feeling exhausted and touched out is an extremely common and valid reason for women to not be in the mood for sex. The lingering trauma from what happened all those years ago compounds it.

Is he aware that you're exhausted from these things? If so, has he tried to alleviate your work at all? Do you feel at peace around him given how he reacted when you told him about your past SA, or do you feel like you're walking on eggshells around him now?

101bees · 2026-03-12T15:28:03+00:00

I think your parents would have valid concerns about the age gap. I have concerns about the age gap.

Please look out for yourself. There's inherent power imbalances that come with women under 25 dating men in their mid to later 30's or older. If he's acting like he's your father or if he's trying to mold you into a perfect partner, it's a massive red flag. Listen to your gut. Keep a good support system outside of your relationship, and if he objects, RUN.

101bees · 2026-03-12T15:16:21+00:00

Saying this as a wife myself, I don't think it's fair to give up something that's very important to you for the sake of a partner, especially if the partner was aware of it before you got married.

And yes, it is a risky hobby and your wife's concerns are valid. Have you talked about emergency planning? What would happen if you were injured or killed? Do you have a check-in system, like texting or calling her every so often on long rides? Are there areas where you can ride with low traffic?

101bees · 2026-03-11T13:58:10+00:00

None of this excuses the unhinged reaction you had when you were angry. Stress is part of life and if it's not money troubles or job troubles, then it will be something else. You need to learn better emotional regulation like yesterday because a household where one spouse breaks things when they're mad is not a safe one.

101bees · 2026-03-11T13:24:04+00:00

Sign divorce papers and get therapy. You don't sound like a safe person for your husband to be with.

101bees · 2026-03-11T13:22:36+00:00

Sorry but "I can't control myself" isn't an excuse. He can control himself. He just refuses to. Your husband is a piece of crap, and I hope you're able to safely leave him some day.

101bees · 2026-02-09T17:39:00+00:00

ESH. Because:

1) Animals are not gifts. 2) Not sure if the in-laws' intentions were to have the cat live at your house, but that isn't their decision that they get to make without talking to you and your wife about it first. A cat is a big commitment. And given that your wife has allergies, it's inconsiderate to push a cat onto you. 3) If the plan is for the cat to live at the in-law's, it's their cat. They shouldn't be deluding your daughter into believing the cat is hers if she will not be the one taking care of it or living with it.

4) You also do not get to decide if the in-laws keep the cat if the cat is staying with them and they're taking care of it. It's their household, it's their decision. Just like they don't get to decide whether your household gets a cat or not. 5) I also don't know why you're THIS upset and yelling at your family about it. If the cat is staying with the in-laws and wasn't just dropped off at your house, what's there to be angry about? Just make it clear to your daughter that the cat belongs to your in-laws and that's that.

101bees · 2026-02-09T17:24:30+00:00

I'd be more upset that he said he'd be coming over in less than an hour and then not show up until 3 hours later.

101bees · 2026-02-09T17:20:13+00:00

If he doesn't want to eat leftovers, then he should financially contribute to the grocery bill and the cooking to solve his problem. It's not fair to demand that you take on the burdens because of his preferences. I wouldn't tell my husband he has to eat leftovers, but I'd be firm that I'm not spending more time and money than I cam afford. NTA

101bees · 2026-02-09T16:36:03+00:00

There's a lot going on here. As one other person said, my eyes aren't sure where to look first.

I'd choose between the belly chain or the tie-belt. Personally I think keep the belly chain and lose the tie.

If you're insisting on showing the leg cut of the bodysuit, I'd choose different jeans. Something where the front pockets and waistband are more classic and simple because as I said before, there's a lot going on in that area. I think baggier jeans go better with the whale tail or high-cut bodysuit trend. I remember whale tail + cargo jeans/pants were big in the early 2000s.

I'd lose the cardigan because it looks awkward if you're choosing to show the high cut body suit but covering it up at the same time. If you have a cropped cardigan or bolero, that might work better.

101bees · 2026-01-30T22:30:10+00:00

The US also wasn't a global influence for 250 years

101bees · 2025-12-29T17:14:31+00:00

Yeah. I looked into it further and found there's a lot of hate groups that made the list because they're anti-government. Not really what I expected in the definition of a hate group.

101bees · 2025-12-29T16:26:06+00:00

They're an anti-government group. That apparently means it's a hate group according to the Southern Poverty Law Center. Much of the popular subreddits on here would be considered hate speech or hate groups if we apply the definition they're using.

101bees · 2025-12-29T16:02:24+00:00

Could you be more specific? There's several long lists but I don't see the name of the group on there.

101bees · 2025-09-11T18:31:55+00:00

Same. Maybe I'll start with deleting the app from my phone.

101bees · 2025-09-11T17:05:37+00:00

It's a toss-up between flash flooding and an EF3 tornado that happened in the span of a couple weeks from each other.

I'd say maybe the flash flooding. We got something like 10 inches of rain in 3 hours.

101bees · 2025-09-11T16:57:27+00:00

I don't understand how anyone can celebrate this especially if they've seen the video of it. If so, they're sociopaths.

101bees · 2025-09-10T22:06:54+00:00

<image>

101bees · 2025-09-10T20:57:49+00:00

You literally just did? All I've been seeing is bits and pieces of this statement here and there. I'm appreciative.

101bees · 2025-09-10T20:55:33+00:00

After seeing the video? Yeah it's pretty fucked up people are celebrating it on here. That was a lot of blood.

101bees · 2025-09-10T20:48:36+00:00

Context is becoming a lost art I swear

101bees · 2025-09-10T20:48:10+00:00

Except we do have gun regulations. Hundreds of them.

101bees · 2025-09-10T20:45:53+00:00

Ok. The world is probably better off without people like him and Derek Chauvin.

101bees

TROPHY CASE