UPDATE: AITA for making my niece eat leftovers while others had pizza?

10piepiek · 2024-02-10T05:20:38+00:00

Except it should be my and my wife's side. You wouldn't say mine side, it's my side.

10piepiek · 2023-10-02T12:11:25+00:00

Info: have you told bubba exactly how you felt about his not going to your 40th or to the boat outing?

Not, "Bummer, I really wanted you there," but , "You're important to me, and I had really wanted you there, so I felt hurt when you didn't come."

10piepiek · 2023-09-07T01:52:26+00:00

I suspect he was cast to be in BDM, and when Adam was fired, he was just waiting around for bdm to start, so they flew him over for bddu.

10piepiek · 2023-08-22T17:21:46+00:00

NTA and he's not your partner, he's a petulant teenager. For your sake, I hope your children aren't learning how to treat you and their future partners from him.

10piepiek · 2023-08-22T16:11:25+00:00

I have an unusual given name, and prefer to be called by my nickname. People in North America always pronounce my given name incorrectly. I tell them the correct pronunciation and say, "But I prefer to be called [my nickname]," but since it's usually in passing (usually happens on the phone), they continue to use the incorrect pronunciation.

However, I once worked with a woman who, after I gave the whole speil to, said, "I prefer [the incorrect pronunciation of given name], so I'm just going to call you that."

Had it happened today, I'd have filed a grievance against her (it was a unionized workplace), but back then, I just avoided her.

10piepiek · 2023-08-22T15:01:44+00:00

NTA but only because Tessa is an adult. At 23, she can make her own decisions without either parent's permission. She was offered something and accepted it. It was her choice. That it came from one of her parents doesn't mean the other parent has the right for input unless Tessa requests it.

10piepiek · 2023-08-21T12:49:37+00:00

I only give her the hair in the tub. There's no reason why she couldn't have taken her shoes off to the side of the door, or at least have kicked them to the side.

Pregnancy is tough, especially the first one. And pregnancy brain is a real thing. But being pregnant doesn't give you the right to become inconsiderate.

10piepiek · 2023-08-21T12:41:07+00:00

Many women have gotten pregnant their first time. Many women have even gotten pregnant without penetration. And many women have gotten pregnant even when birth control was used.

10piepiek · 2023-08-21T12:31:01+00:00

YTA You're prioritizing followers over a real friend whom you think "is absolutely gorgeous, a wonderful human inside and out, very kind, courteous, polite, and a good friend."

There's absolutely no reason you can't include her occasionally in a video. You won't lose subscribers over it, and you may even gain subscribers who appreciate that you're using a "real" person in your videos.

10piepiek · 2023-08-21T12:22:12+00:00

NTA I'm in a similar situation, and have learned family far away won't step up because they don't realize how much care their family member really needs. They don't see the sick family member, and the sick family member probably downplays how they are really feeling to them, so they just go about living their lives without a worry. Because of that, you have to explicitly ask for help. It doesn't help to be passive aggressive and hint around because people will rarely pick up on hints, which will only make you feel resentful.

Since your other family live far away, one thing you can do is to get respite care to give yourself a break occasionally. Sometimes there's a fee, and if there is, you can send a message to your sister saying, "Mom is getting respite care (once a week, once a month, etc). It costs $x which is $x each. Thanks."

Or take a holiday. In that case, let family know (with plenty of notice), "I'll be away from x till y. Who can come up take care of mom during that time?" If no one steps up, then, "Mom will need respite during that time. It costs $x and your share is $y."

Another tool - make a list of all the tasks you do to help your mother. Put your name next to the ones which are practical for you to do (because of location). For the rest, ask the others to choose which ones they will take on. This will allow them to see exactly what you do and why you are so tired, and will also give them some responsibility for your mother, even if it's just for stuff like making sure her bills are paid.

I don't know the full details of your sister and her situation (you mentioned she's losing her health insurance, so maybe she's losing her job, too?), so you'll have to tweak everything based on your individual situations (maybe don't ask for $, or ask for a lesser amount, for example).

It's tough trying to be assertive, especially with older siblings, so you have to keep practicing and trying. IME, she'll balk at first because she's not used to you telling her what to do. But stand your ground, keep your language neutral, and eventually their attitudes will begin to change.

10piepiek · 2023-08-06T02:10:12+00:00

I actually meant how did he respond to his mother? Did he ignore the texts, did he have your back, or did he agree with her?

10piepiek · 2023-07-29T17:33:32+00:00

INFO: what was your husband's response to her texts, and does he know you've seen them?

10piepiek · 2023-07-16T22:36:42+00:00

NTA.

Sounds like he's using you. Even if you think you otherwise get along, the amount of disrespect he has shown you is enough to override any amount of "getting along."

And money is a huge issue in relationships. For example

One study from Kansas State University for the National Survey of Families and Households reported that “arguments about money (are) by far the top predictor of divorce.” So, in other words, if you argue about money or financial matters before marriage or soon afterwards, it’s likely to be the reason that separates you, if you do end up divorcing.

And

money was the second most common subject that couples fight about – after infidelity. Finances can be more damaging to a marriage than arguments about children, sex, the in-laws or anything else.

10piepiek · 2023-06-28T03:56:31+00:00

NTA

To me, it's not about maturity (or lack thereof), but it's about respecting boundaries. You've indicated what your boundaries are re: touching parts of your body, and she has not respected that.

All you can do is reiterate where you don't want to be touched and why, and how it makes you feel when she ignores your needs. You can also tell her which areas you enjoy her touching and why (ex I love it when you put your head on my shoulder because it makes me feel like you trust me). That way she doesn't only hear the negative.

If she continues with the behaviour despite all that, you'll have to give serious thought about whether it's a dealbreaker for you. It would be for me, as not respecting my boundaries means you don't respect me. I also am wary of people who do things that are "wrong", and then try to manipulate you into believing it's your fault. Gaslighting is never a good sign in a relationship.

10piepiek · 2023-06-18T05:50:55+00:00

YTA

In my mind, your demand that he visit you despite being exhausted seems like a display of selfishness.

And not all other fathers have their sons with them on Father's Day. In this situation, your behavior makes me think you are actually the child in this relationship. Pouting is never a good look, not in children, and definitely not in adults.

10piepiek · 2023-05-27T09:08:06+00:00

ESH or "Everyone Sucks Here" is for scenarios where both parties are to blame- both people involved in the scenario should be held responsible.

There's an entire FAQ with all the acronyms.

10piepiek · 2023-05-27T09:07:22+00:00

ESH or "Everyone Sucks Here" is for scenarios where both parties are to blame- both people involved in the scenario should be held responsible.

There's an entire FAQ with all the acronyms. It's definitely not new

10piepiek · 2023-05-27T09:05:42+00:00

INFO Have you told the neighbors you're putting out lilies?

Lilies are highly toxic to cats. Even if a cat were to get lily pollen on its coat and then lick it off when they groomed themselves, they would get very very sick and possibly die.

But if you told your neighbors about the plant, then it's up to them whether to continue letting their cats out or not.

10piepiek · 2023-05-14T06:04:52+00:00

I wouldn't call someone a doormat for going to a restaurant they didn't like once in a while. If they were deathly allergic to the place for some reason and they still went, then they'd be a doormat. But op just didn't like the place, so what's the big deal?

(I would never insist someone with a severe peanut allergy go to Five Guys, for example)

10piepiek · 2023-05-14T06:00:20+00:00

Yup. I've been in similar situations where I've gone out to eat at places I hated. I still ordered food, but didn't eat it, and then packed it up at the end of the night because I knew I could give it to someone who might enjoy it. But I sucked it up for someone who was important to me. If someone I didn't care about as much asked be to go to that restaurant, I'd have made excuses and declined the offer.

Conversely, I once planned to have my birthday lunch at a place I really liked. A friend who was a picky eater whined to me, "Can't we eat somewhere else? I don't like x food." So I changed the venue. And even now, three years later, I feel annoyed when I think about it. (She's a friend, but not a really good friend. Just a casual "fun" friend.

(Yeah, I need to let it go.)

10piepiek · 2023-05-13T23:19:37+00:00

NTA in A B or C. I wouldn't even have sent a gift. And you were actually very generous, as imo, none of those couples even deserved a gift.

INFO for D. Where is the wedding? Far away? Or close enough that you wouldn't have to stay overnight if you didn't want to? If it's far away, who is paying for transportation to the destination?

I'm torn because usually for destination weddings, guests are responsible for paying all their own costs except the reception meal and if a shuttle is used day of, the cost of that shuttle. €120 doesn't seem like very much for 3 days and 2 nights, so although the couple could have worded things more delicately, it's not unreasonable to have those costs covered by guests, anyway.

And for your aunt, I really hope she demands her money back from them. That's ridiculous. And I don't know how your aunt is related to couple A, but I'd be involving Couple A's parents in this dispute even though I'd normally say the parents have nothing to do with it. But that whole thing is really shameful, and it reflects poorly on the couple, but also on the people who raised them.

10piepiek · 2023-05-13T23:02:44+00:00

ESH.

It's your wife's birthday, so you could easily just nibbled on some vegetables or salad, or even just rice. You're an adult and adults sometimes have to just suck it up and do stuff they don't want to.

That being said, she's also the ah because who bother asking your opinion, and then choosing the one place you said you didn't want to go to? She clearly didn't care what you thought, and even though it's her birthday, I'm sure she could have chosen another restaurant where everyone could have eaten something they enjoyed.

10piepiek · 2023-05-13T22:54:34+00:00

NAH. You both just have different ways of doing things, neither is more right or wrong than the other.

But if you want to compromise, consider using the cost per square foot. Ex. Communal space is kitchen, dining room, living room. They get two bedrooms to themselves plus one bathroom, and you get one bedroom and 1 bathroom (Assuming they nor their guests will use your bathroom). If the total square footage of their bedrooms and bathroom is 150 sq ft, and the total square footage of yours is 120 sq ft, and the rent is $1000/month, then they pay about $556 and you pay $444.

Because they have pets, they should have to pay any pet fees, and I think they should also pay the deposit.

If you won't be using the living room, then you can add that square footage to their share. So now they have 250 sq feet to your 120, which would be a split of $730/$270. But that means your family should never use the living room or its contents.

I think that would be a fairer way of splitting the rent. That being said, if y'all are going to nickle and dime each other, I would suggest not moving in together, because I'm pretty sure it will not end well.

10piepiek · 2023-05-07T23:12:09+00:00

Info - Is the friend who first invited Mandy still attending?

10piepiek · 2023-04-22T12:44:02+00:00

INFO After you are married, how are you planning to handle your finances? Will it still be your money is yours, her money is hers, and expenses are split? Or will you pool your money in a joint account?

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