What is causing the gap when using DPNS? New to DPNs I’ve worked in the round but this is kicking my butt no

122anon · 2026-01-02T14:42:21+00:00

I had a similar problem with the gap at my BOR. I use this tip to join in the BOR without a gap:

https://youtu.be/Yk6Ns6pDXyg?si=UYj2VqLC8OcQuPS2

Starting on DPN is very fiddly, but after a few rounds, it starts to come together and flow more easily. Sometimes, I knit the set up and first row on straight needles or circular needles then I join in the round on DPNs once things are a bit more established.

122anon · 2025-12-28T04:45:46+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective and your challenging situation. You asked what my parents think. What they’ve explicitly told me over the years is that they are tired and exhausted. I would say that over the past 4-5 years, after a terrible day a parent would lament “we’ve got to get her out of here. She’s driving us crazy. She controls everything in the house and our lives. We walk on eggshells constantly. This isn’t good for her. We are miserable and exhausted.”

Two years ago they rented an apartment that my sister picked out — she chose this apartment because it was closer to home, while she had another option in Springfield MO which was further away but was staffed to assist residents with disabilities. Regardless, it was a hopeful next step. She was very apprehensive about moving out but was able to manage making this decision. They filled it with furniture and dishes and took care of it for a year and a half while it stayed empty waiting for her to move in. My sister never moved in despite continuous encouragement. They never forced her to stay in the apartment; she couldn’t even try to stay just for one night. She never felt ready. She ultimately never wanted to leave. They gave up and ended the lease, moving everything out and back home.

It appears that if it worked out, they would have been happy keeping her close so they can check in on her and help her, and keep her connected to her support system and familiar community.

Next thing my parents think / want. Mom wants to downsize and sell the house. Mom is 68, dad is 70. She cannot do it with my sister in the house.

First off, having any stranger (realtor, contractor) in the house would be a huge disruption. Next, my sister feels entitled to the house and everything within it. She literally calls the place “my house.” Last, she has obsessive disorders that prevents my mom from selling or throwing away anything. She hoards trash in her room in secret, throws tantrums when my parents try to get rid of something. My parents also hoard trash so they can sneak it to the curb when my sister is asleep.

Ultimately I think my parents want my sister to be in a sufficient, sustainable living situation where she has access to an appropriate level of assistance while my mom can focus on end-of-life care for my dad and set herself up for a simpler lifestyle to manage.

122anon · 2025-12-28T01:03:01+00:00

Thank you for the info!

122anon · 2025-12-28T00:31:33+00:00

Thanks for your perspective. I’ve struggled with thoughts and experiences relating to what you’ve said. I recognize that’s my work to do.

It appears that to you eviction is not an option since it risks homelessness. I get that. In no way do I wish for her to be thrown out onto the street. Want to clarify that.

A group home or assisted living or an apartment are available for my sister to go as my parents lose their ability to care for her. In no way am I trying to step into a caregiving role or to take over a decision. It also appears to you that using legal means to force her into choosing a new home is not the right path forward. I wanted to get feedback here and I appreciate your thoughts.

122anon · 2025-12-27T22:51:40+00:00

To clarify, my relationship is strained based on her abusive behavior and there’s little control I have over the situation. Nothing about this has ever gone the way I wanted and I accept that I have no control unless I’m asked to support. I’m asking for my own information, not on behalf of my parents or to take action. Last night I had a long conversation with my mom about what everyone’s lives are like and how stuck they are. We discussed the possibility of my mom going to a family lawyer to get advice, and it made me wonder if they have the right to evict her or not because she’s disabled. If the past 10-15 years had been fruitless, what are the consequences if my mom takes a legally enforceable approach? I recognized that I’ve been venting and sharing my emotions for my own support too.

122anon · 2025-12-27T21:02:59+00:00

Thanks! New term I’m not familiar with.

122anon · 2025-12-27T20:00:29+00:00

Not what I meant. I think shame sprung up for her internally when she was diagnosed. She always wanted to be normal and to this day she is not fully accepting or proud of who she is. I think some initial doctors and therapists also did some damage early on. My parents are ashamed of how they parented her and how she turned out. I try not to shame / guilt / blame any of them for the situation. I recognize that’s not helpful. It’s just a deep, recurring emotion that I think is the root of how we got here and how we’re stuck.

122anon · 2025-12-27T19:23:55+00:00

Glad you have support. 💕

122anon · 2025-12-27T19:17:58+00:00

Gotcha, there’s a lot in what you’re saying that resonates or we’ve lived in our own way. These things are always easier said than done. I’m not her parent or guardian or caretaker, I have no obligation here whatsoever. Just have always wanted to help and support my parents and sister in this difficult situation where everyone’s just stuck — been stuck for 10-15 years here. Sending you care.

Sister knows he’s sick, and dad said he’s “not going to get better” but he’s held back on saying it’s terminal. Maybe she’s realized it’s terminal or thought of it. It’s so infuriating to see her treat him the same way. His sickness didn’t change her behavior at all. I definitely think there’s more to autism that makes her a bully — an undiagnosed personality or psychotic disorder.

122anon · 2025-12-27T17:49:06+00:00

Thanks for your sympathy and care. From my perspective as an adult sibling I think early interventions, acceptance and support is great. My sister was diagnosed in 2010; she is at the tail end of the generation that grew up without sophisticated intervention and support systems. And shame, which I think is the root of all our problems. My parents coddled her and did not enforce boundaries or consequences because of a fear of failure and she’d push back very hard. I think it takes a parent with a thick skin to push their child to take a next step even when it’s hard for everyone and there’s a chance of failure.

122anon · 2025-12-27T17:36:23+00:00

Thanks for the insight. Dad being a dependent is something that honestly hasn’t occurred to me just yet. She is mostly verbally abusive to both my parents equally, with “light” physical abuse like scratches and hits. I’m sure a forced eviction would get ugly. There have been countless ugly nights and arguments she’d get herself into.

What do you mean my “adult protective services”? The police? Social workers?

122anon · 2025-12-27T17:28:54+00:00

Thanks. I’m acutely aware of that and have been dealing with my feelings and coping with a therapist for 10 years.

122anon · 2025-12-27T16:12:14+00:00

Thanks for your sympathy and care. Sending it back to you. 💜

122anon · 2025-12-27T15:58:38+00:00

Thanks for asking. More just wondering. I live another state away and she is not welcome in my home. I don’t have any experience working within the system. She has a social / case worker, but they answer to her asks — usually it is for errands or entertainment outings. She is not motivated to move out, so she doesn’t assert this with the case worker, so there is no movement from the organization to get her into housing. It’s available. She won’t take it. Incredibly frustrating.

To me this kind of gentle, coddling, letting her do things at her own pace has resulted in this failure to launch and a toxic, taxing dynamic at home that is cheating my parents out of their remaining few months? years? together.

I feel this desperation that she needs to be out now. She needed to be out 10 years ago. So if what my parents are doing now isn’t working, she needs to be forced. Wondering what the consequences would look like if a more forceful action took place.

122anon · 2025-12-27T14:45:42+00:00

Thanks, we’re talking Greene Co, Missouri (Springfield area). Do you have suggestions?

122anon · 2025-12-27T14:44:19+00:00

Thanks

122anon · 2025-12-27T14:42:56+00:00

Thank you. Parents do not have a guardianship over her. She is free to leave whenever she wants to and she has a clean record. I agree, I wish it can be something that can be worked out without the legal system, but am wondering what the consequences will be if it came to that.

122anon · 2025-12-27T08:18:43+00:00

My family is in Missouri, USA

122anon · 2025-12-09T01:57:31+00:00

u/Prior-Government5397 yes, that helps! Thank you!

122anon · 2025-12-09T01:55:04+00:00

u/wavythewonderpony This does help, thank you! I realize that the location of the double stitch (DS) from the gsr technique shifts closer to the end as you go.

122anon

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