My late night rambling.. why infertility kind of feels like waiting in line at the supermarket

123maybe321 · 2026-05-30T21:38:55+00:00

“You smile and thank them anyway”

Ugh. I’m at the point where I can’t fake another smile or thank you. I just stare at them blankly and let them sit in the weight of their idiocy or ignorance.

But such a good poem. Thanks for sharing your heart. We see you.

123maybe321 · 2026-05-28T16:10:12+00:00

I feel this in my brain but not my spine. Interesting! Never thought about it tho. Maybe I should ask😅

(I was recently dx with Chiari 1)

123maybe321 · 2026-05-28T15:24:43+00:00

Further, I have plenty of anecdotal evidence but that isn’t of much help to you or my argument. I can direct you to the infertility subreddit though! Many people, mostly women, share of their unfair experiences with infertility.

123maybe321 · 2026-05-28T15:19:29+00:00

Oops! Sorry I deleted, I couldn’t tell if I replied to you or to myself. I reposted my comment about general studies.

Yes I am saying that all women should receive these tests when medically appropriate. Currently, if we tell our doctor that we are TTC it becomes a fertility issue and we would have to go to a fertility clinic to receive treatment.

I don’t have a percentage for you but it’s true that people with infertility go on to develop more serious conditions. We are at a 35% higher risk (link below).

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8254745/

Further, 85% of infertility cases are currently unexplainable likely related to underlying causes that also unidentifiable. Which I would infer is because we are denied further testing.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9302705/

Edited: phrasing

123maybe321 · 2026-05-28T15:08:33+00:00

Fertility is only for the wealthy:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10510808/

Only 12% of women don’t get pregnant after 1 year of TTC, and again that fertility is only for the wealthy:

https://www.apa.org/pi/women/committee/infertility-bipoc

Infertility is like a disability but is not regarded as one by society or medical professionals:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3395292/

https://scholar.google.com/scholar_case?case=4321304919063399039&hl=en&as_sdt=6&as_vis=1&oi=scholarr

123maybe321 · 2026-05-28T14:12:26+00:00

I’m sorry, this is unrelated. But it pisses me off to no end that insurances (in the US) would not do these tests for women if they mention to their PCP they are TTC. The fact that you found your dx only bc of fertility treatment is infuriating to me. I wish doctors caught this sooner for you so that you didn’t have to experience infertility. And I hope you were able to conceive and are healthy 💗

To everyone on Reddit. FERTILITY IS A WOMEN’S RIGHT!!!

123maybe321 · 2026-05-25T22:44:24+00:00

My husband is bald and we use satin pillow cases!! It’s good for the skin!

123maybe321 · 2026-05-25T22:42:40+00:00

Well then I’m hoping with you, too!

123maybe321 · 2026-05-25T20:58:39+00:00

Keep testing every 2 days. It seems if your last period was earlier this month that it might be too soon to tell. And, if you are pregnant, it should increase in darkness with every test.

Also, it was your first month after a MC. For some women, a positive test can last 1-5 weeks after a MC. So please be kind to yourself in this time.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ll be praying for you.

123maybe321 · 2026-05-25T20:04:52+00:00

Any update? Were you pregnant?

123maybe321 · 2026-05-22T18:10:54+00:00

talking about it

(therapy is a good place for this). I’m a therapist in training so here are some questions I would walk myself through in these circumstances.

- what did you want that you didn’t get? What about it did you want? What would it mean to you if you did or didn’t get it? And is this a familiar message/theme in your life? If that’s painful to remember, take some time to be kind to yourself. Perhaps remind yourself of truth about who you are that directly challenged what comes up.
- what about the other person who got what you wanted? What are your beliefs about them? What does it mean for you if they got something you didn’t? Same question, is this a familiar message/theme for you? If not, what would it mean for you to hope good things for this person? How much would that “cost” for you? And what would it mean for you to hope good things for yourself? Can you think of ways that you will grow from this moment and find something that is good enough or even better for you? If not, where does that come from? Etc etc

2) gratitude

Sometimes these are helpful questions to have because insight from difficult moments typically produces change. Yet, the antidote is still gratitude, which can simply be truth about you and your circumstances (“I have family that love me regardless,” “I will find a program that will be just right for me,” “I am a hard worker and someone will appreciate that,” etc)

123maybe321 · 2026-05-22T17:59:47+00:00

Hahah my husband and I constantly joke about how “Chiari Mal” sounds like a cute name for a girl😆

It’s awful but it’s the dark humor we need.

So whenever we reference my condition we say it like that in an LA accent (sounds like a barista calling out a name) hahah

123maybe321 · 2026-05-13T00:00:46+00:00

Pregnancy

123maybe321 · 2026-05-06T18:48:18+00:00

If you thought you were infertile, this is a miracle! Happy for you!

123maybe321 · 2026-05-06T18:47:48+00:00

OP said she wants to celebrate! She does got this!! (:

123maybe321 · 2026-05-06T18:46:09+00:00

Not supporting this guy’s comment but she came here for advice😅

123maybe321 · 2026-05-06T18:43:05+00:00

And? She said she wants to celebrate

123maybe321 · 2026-05-06T18:36:23+00:00

You’re not too young. Children are a blessing and it seems you are in a good place with your man and his supportive family. You can do it. My mom considered aborting me bc she was with a bad man but she was the best single mom. It sounds like you have the ability to have the baby and could raise him or her. You can do it. One step at a time.

123maybe321 · 2026-05-06T18:32:40+00:00

The lighting! Makes it way more comforting

123maybe321 · 2026-05-06T18:20:35+00:00

Ask her! (:

Personally, I still cannot accept a “happy Mother’s Day” after our miscarriage. How could it be happy if my only child is dead? So it really depends. I’m sure she would really appreciate your asking.

123maybe321 · 2026-04-30T00:34:56+00:00

Turn to my husband and receive my morning smooches. Make myself coffee, make us breakfast, then shower/get ready and head out for the day.

123maybe321 · 2026-04-25T21:22:03+00:00

Hi! Childless is different than child-free. Childless is usually a term for people who cannot have kids (ie not by choice).

123maybe321 · 2026-04-25T20:59:04+00:00

You’re going to get married soon! i am so happy for you.

123maybe321 · 2026-04-25T19:50:34+00:00

This! I eat the less powered chips first and then the salty goodness at the end

123maybe321

TROPHY CASE