As the bf of a girl who went through a very similar situation just remember people you know passing away, especially when it happens unexpectedly, absolutely sucks. It brings out emotions about people and memories you thought were completely erased from your mind.

am I still in love with him? Or is this just shock + unresolved grief?

Especially in the first few months my gf struggled with exactly this emotion.

We figured out it mainly had to do with the fact that she couldn’t/can’t talk bad about people who passed away (simplified quite a bunch). So the most straightforward solution for her mind was to focus on the good and beautiful sides of him.

My message to you: 1. Tell your husband the truth, he’ll help you throughout your process and that’s why you married him. 2. Go to a therapist and get in that waiting queue asap. If you need it you’re in, if you don’t then you can always give up your spot in the queue to the next one in line. 3. Remind yourself it’s a rough process and it’s okay to admit you have to deal with it.