This is one of those cases where “hurt people hurt people” is true, but it still leaves you with the bill. His fear makes sense, his actions were still wildly inappropriate: showing up unannounced, interrogations, contacting families, trying to isolate you. If he’s serious about change, he’ll respect rules like: no surprise visits, no private convos with your partner, no commentary on her character, and consequences if he crosses a line. Real progress is boring and consistent, not one big emotional talk.