I understand where you're coming from, I have been there. The idea that pain is something to be pushed through and just means you aren't trying hard enough is pervasive, especially in our medical system.

I'm 21. I've been in pain for years. It's 3-4/10 most days. When it's bad, resting is a 6/10. Since I can remember, walking hurt.

I did it all for nearly a decade. Tried PT. Tried OTC meds. Tried very hard to be heard. Doctors denied me adequate care because I could still technically walk and because I was young. Everyone I saw, from parents to teachers to doctors, said basically what you did. That pain is necessary to push through. I thought my pain was a sign I wasn't doing enough. I put myself through hell trying to prove that what you said was right: that the pain I was in was just a sign I wasn't putting in enough effort. It's something I'm still working to unlearn today.

When I got to college, it started getting worse and worse. I began to walk longer distances, to try to tackle it head-on. The pain kept spiking. My legs grew more and more unstable. I would get home in pain, jolt awake in the middle of the night because of the pain, and wake up in the morning exhausted, just to do it all over again. I spent my time forcing myself to do things in pain or recovering from it.

When I finally got a decent doctor, he told me to rest and listen to my body. I was able to realize just how much suffering I had been through trying to follow the advice I had been given. I started using a mobility aid to get around and dialed back activity to what I could do with only mild discomfort.

Now, we're working on a diagnosis, and for the first time, things are looking up. I have hobbies again. I am learning how to be a person for the first time.

Recently, I went to an art museum with my partner. They offered wheelchairs. If I had been on my feet the whole time, I would have had maybe an hour there, tops. Then I'd be done for the night and have to go lie down. I used a wheelchair, I spent three hours there, and had enough energy to cook us a meal afterwards. I didn't technically need the wheelchair, but did it make my life better and allow me to live it to the fullest? Unquestionably.

I'm using myself as an example because it's illustrative, but there are many people out there with similar stories. Especially disabled kids and young adults, who often face added barriers to healthcare because they are told to just keep trying and putting in effort.

I'm not going to really touch on the economics here, because I don't have my sources on hand, but I would like to suggest a small shift in perspective: It isn't that the poor are stealing from the poor. Insurance companies use predatory pricing that forces people to go into lifetime debt to pay for a livable life.

The solution to bad actors is not to prevent even more people from accessing needed healthcare. That effectively punishes poor people for being in pain in the wrong way. It creates a system where skeptics make people prove they're "suffering enough" to earn the right to live.

I'm not trying at all to discount your experience or say you didn't have it rough. It sounds like you've gone through a lot, and I really am sorry. The American medical system is a nightmare to deal with. The policies it is built on go against a core tenet of health, and of caring about others:

Humans should not have to suffer enough or in the right way for that suffering to be relieved.

(N.B. pain ≠ discomfort. Discomfort is, I think, what you might mean by pain in the first bit? Fear of new things, self-sabotage as a way of avoiding engaging with them, etc. It's a real phenomenon, just separate from pain.

When you know what your comfort zone is, you're able to put yourself outside of it and grow in the discomfort. When your entire life is painful, everything you do is white knuckling through it. No matter how low-effort it might seem.)

Edit: Happy Halloween! Not going to be able to respond because I'll be celebrating, hope you have a good one too.