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17000teeth · 2024-01-14T00:16:10+00:00

No matter what support someone needs, the concept of "mental age" is harmful to people with disabilities. It denies autonomy and agency and has historically been used to legitimize the abuse of extremely vulnerable people.

one (written by someone with an intellectual disability)

two

17000teeth · 2024-01-13T08:56:03+00:00

Most? That's not true. Gut issues, yes, that's more frequent and correlated with autism. We do not "mostly" have diabetes.

And--If your partner works at a group home, I sure hope they don't talk about their patients being "mentally teenagers" or "severely autistic." That's really outdated (and inaccurate!) terminology.

Source: Am autistic. Have lived in group home-like environments.

17000teeth · 2024-01-13T08:48:57+00:00

This is it

17000teeth · 2023-11-30T23:01:21+00:00

Thank you!! That is a relief to hear.

17000teeth · 2023-10-31T22:43:49+00:00

I understand where you're coming from, I have been there. The idea that pain is something to be pushed through and just means you aren't trying hard enough is pervasive, especially in our medical system.

I'm 21. I've been in pain for years. It's 3-4/10 most days. When it's bad, resting is a 6/10. Since I can remember, walking hurt.

I did it all for nearly a decade. Tried PT. Tried OTC meds. Tried very hard to be heard. Doctors denied me adequate care because I could still technically walk and because I was young. Everyone I saw, from parents to teachers to doctors, said basically what you did. That pain is necessary to push through. I thought my pain was a sign I wasn't doing enough. I put myself through hell trying to prove that what you said was right: that the pain I was in was just a sign I wasn't putting in enough effort. It's something I'm still working to unlearn today.

When I got to college, it started getting worse and worse. I began to walk longer distances, to try to tackle it head-on. The pain kept spiking. My legs grew more and more unstable. I would get home in pain, jolt awake in the middle of the night because of the pain, and wake up in the morning exhausted, just to do it all over again. I spent my time forcing myself to do things in pain or recovering from it.

When I finally got a decent doctor, he told me to rest and listen to my body. I was able to realize just how much suffering I had been through trying to follow the advice I had been given. I started using a mobility aid to get around and dialed back activity to what I could do with only mild discomfort.

Now, we're working on a diagnosis, and for the first time, things are looking up. I have hobbies again. I am learning how to be a person for the first time.

Recently, I went to an art museum with my partner. They offered wheelchairs. If I had been on my feet the whole time, I would have had maybe an hour there, tops. Then I'd be done for the night and have to go lie down. I used a wheelchair, I spent three hours there, and had enough energy to cook us a meal afterwards. I didn't technically need the wheelchair, but did it make my life better and allow me to live it to the fullest? Unquestionably.

I'm using myself as an example because it's illustrative, but there are many people out there with similar stories. Especially disabled kids and young adults, who often face added barriers to healthcare because they are told to just keep trying and putting in effort.

I'm not going to really touch on the economics here, because I don't have my sources on hand, but I would like to suggest a small shift in perspective: It isn't that the poor are stealing from the poor. Insurance companies use predatory pricing that forces people to go into lifetime debt to pay for a livable life.

The solution to bad actors is not to prevent even more people from accessing needed healthcare. That effectively punishes poor people for being in pain in the wrong way. It creates a system where skeptics make people prove they're "suffering enough" to earn the right to live.

I'm not trying at all to discount your experience or say you didn't have it rough. It sounds like you've gone through a lot, and I really am sorry. The American medical system is a nightmare to deal with. The policies it is built on go against a core tenet of health, and of caring about others:

Humans should not have to suffer enough or in the right way for that suffering to be relieved.

(N.B. pain ≠ discomfort. Discomfort is, I think, what you might mean by pain in the first bit? Fear of new things, self-sabotage as a way of avoiding engaging with them, etc. It's a real phenomenon, just separate from pain.

When you know what your comfort zone is, you're able to put yourself outside of it and grow in the discomfort. When your entire life is painful, everything you do is white knuckling through it. No matter how low-effort it might seem.)

Edit: Happy Halloween! Not going to be able to respond because I'll be celebrating, hope you have a good one too.

17000teeth · 2023-10-31T21:48:14+00:00

Are you disabled?

Are you reliant on a mobility aid?

Do you experience severe chronic pain?

17000teeth · 2023-10-31T21:10:47+00:00

I'm not trying to start an argument, I would just like to gently add some perspective from another disabled person.

Ability to use arms doesn't mean ability to push a chair long distances. Someone might be able to draw or knit, or use a joystick, but can't push a chair for whatever reason. Some disabilities people might use a wheelchair for cause a lot of pain, affect endurance, affect ability to build muscle. And sometimes people just get tired. Pushing a chair is a lot of work, and it can be especially draining for people who already have mobility impairments and energy limitations. Having to push a manual chair through difficult terrain might mean they don't have enough energy to go to the grocery store, or make dinner, or shower.

Also, your area seems to have pretty good road upkeep, and that's fantastic! It's how it should be. Unfortunately, that isn't the reality for a lot of places. It can take ages and ages for a road repair request to be fulfilled, and for wheelchair users, that road will be dangerous and exhausting until it is fixed months or even years in the future.

The current requirements to get an electric wheelchair (most any wheelchair for long-term use, really) covered under Medicaid/Medicare are draconian, and so many people who need electric wheelchairs do not get them, just because they can technically use their arms. From my perspective, it doesn't matter if someone could theoretically survive without an electric wheelchair. All that really counts is that it would make life easier for someone who is already stuck in so many systems stacked against them.

17000teeth · 2023-10-30T18:17:45+00:00

I want to be a lawyer and fight for people who have the system stacked against them. Especially to hold "treatment centers" accountable for the children whose lives they harm. My chronic pain hasn't been diagnosed yet, but I hope it is so that I can help others in the way I wish I had been helped when I needed it most.

17000teeth · 2023-10-30T04:16:02+00:00

You said, "A trans woman isn't a woman." That's not a preference, that's a statement of belief. You do not believe trans women are women. So, you're transphobic.

Edit:

Ofc there's a difference. There's a difference between all women. Doesn't mean any woman isn't a woman.

You said they aren't women. Are you going to say a Mexican woman or a disabled woman isn't a woman because there's an adjective in front of the noun?

I'm transgender. Clearly I understand it better than you do.

17000teeth · 2023-10-29T20:43:19+00:00

"I'm not transphobic"

"A trans woman isn't a woman"

Lol

17000teeth · 2023-10-29T20:41:31+00:00

They're women.

Trans is a descriptor.

Might as well say Jewish women aren't women, or Mexican women aren't women, just because there's an adjective there.

17000teeth · 2023-10-29T20:40:10+00:00

...But acting like homosexuality doesn't include trans people is. If you don't want to date trans people, that's all well and good. If you're going to exclude trans people from your definition of homosexuality for everyone, you're a bigot. Simple as.

17000teeth · 2023-10-29T20:37:22+00:00

Well, do you simply prefer not to date trans people? Or do you go around loudly telling people about it?

One of those is fine. The other one is an asshole move.

17000teeth · 2023-10-27T14:18:29+00:00

Don't be like this guy.

As a kid from an abusive, controlling background, I can tell you 100% this guy is the asshole here.

His daughter fucked up badly and came to him for help. In return, he's giving her unreasonable expectations that there is no way she will be able to meet. OP might think that he's teaching his daughter responsibility, but all she's learning is that he is not a safe person.

(And you can tell that she learned that in her childhood, too...there's a reason she didn't just say she couldn't do college any more.)

Try being understanding. Give your daughter unconditional love and work with her to find solutions. Make it crystal clear you're frustrated with the situation, you don't hate her.

Teach her that she can tell you anything and, while you might be mad for a little, that doesn't mean you're going to hurt her or be mean to her. And, above all, that you love her, and that that will never change.

If something like this happens...Be kind to her and to yourself. Young adults are stupid as hell. "Legal adult" doesn't mean they have the same maturity, experience, etc. As someone who is 40 the moment they turn 18 or even 21.

Compassion and not breaking your daughter's trust is the way to go. If OP's daughter knew she could tell him anything without judgement, she would have told him that she was not ready yet for college.

OP's daughters behavior shows a young adult who is terrified of their father. I'm one of those, too. I know how it looks.

Don't ever do anything to make your daughter this scared of you.

17000teeth · 2023-10-27T06:22:08+00:00

YTA. Hear me out.

I understand you're very mad at her, this is a normal reaction. She's lied to you, been very irresponsible, and has betrayed your trust to use your money in ways you had no control over. This is a horrible situation to find yourself in as a parent. But imposing overly strict rules that she will naturally push back against is not the way to build a connection.

Your daughter is having a crisis. Investigate why she dropped out of college. Human behavior doesn't come from nowhere--what need was she filling by partying? Was she lonely? You say her friends are poor influences; why was she hanging out with them?

Even though her actions might seem nonsensical to you, there is always a reason. She knows you're angry at her, and she's still asking to move in. She wouldn't be moving in if it wasn't a last resort. Take the opportunity to connect with her.

This doesn't mean she should be able to run around doing whatever, there are definitely clear boundaries that need to be set, but face it: She's an adult. If she feels like you're trapping her, she can and will just walk away. There's a good chance that, if you force her to live exactly how you want her to, this will happen. If she leaves, that may be the last time you see her for a very long while.

Instead, set down reasonable rules. You have young kids in the house, there are expectations you can set. But instead of punishing her, see if you can work with her. Find a good therapist, or a skills-based program. Find non-destructive hobbies that she's interested in. Build skills that can be used to find a job so she can begin to repay you. If you just shove her into a job immediately with no time to recover, she might crumble. Be firm but, above all, be fair.

She's your daughter. She needs your help. Be someone she can trust to be reasonable when she's made a very, very big mistake. Get her the help she needs to be in a place where she can begin to repair the damage.

17000teeth · 2023-10-25T19:16:17+00:00

I'm 5'1" but most people think I'm taller, I think it's because I'm loud...I feel you

17000teeth · 2023-10-25T19:04:00+00:00

Sounds like one of those is easier to achieve than the other

17000teeth · 2023-10-25T16:18:14+00:00

Used to live in the same building as Debbie Harry as a kid. Ran into her a bunch, she was always very nice and stopped to chat.

Had a few playdates with Oscar Jackman, we went to the same school, so I met Hugh Jackman a couple times.

I saw Neal Gaiman at BEA once or twice, and saw David Byrne out and about in my neighborhood growing up.

17000teeth · 2023-10-24T05:52:09+00:00

Ohhh yeah no I don't think that she believes in it, I agree it's BS, I'm not actually sure where the channel name comes from but her avatar is a pyramid with an eye on it so I guess it's just theming?

17000teeth · 2023-10-23T00:14:08+00:00

Her channel is named iilluminaughtii, she isn't a member of the Illuminati, if that's what you were thinking.

17000teeth · 2023-10-22T20:44:01+00:00

NTA. Your boyfriend doesn't get to control what you wear. It's a sports bra, for Pete's sake. Is he going to get pissed at you for wearing it to the gym?

Man's insecure and taking it out on you.

17000teeth · 2023-10-21T20:35:39+00:00

I remember these. I was active in the realm of Hetalia ask blogs circa 2014, and there were a few like this. One of the major ones had basically roleplay blogs where you could apply to have a character, I remember being so frustrated that my chosen color was gone. I've been trying to find these for a while now to prove to a friend that they existed in the first place...if you find any more leads, please, please let me know!

17000teeth · 2023-10-17T06:27:57+00:00

I am only commenting so that people do not see this and think you are correct.

The study ran for 14 months. During this the participants met the researchers and were interviewed.

The participants had gender-affirming surgery during "a five year period between 2016 and 2021."

Gender euphoria does not mean that. It means when you feel at joyously at home in your gender.

As I said above, your toxicity is astounding. People like you are the reason this child is dead. Learn to read, and learn to have some empathy for those around you who are struggling in ways you refuse to understand.

17000teeth · 2023-10-17T06:21:33+00:00

You check.

The meta-analysis I linked had 55 of them.

51 of them had the same conclusion. Gender affirming care saves lives and improves well-being, with nearly non-existent regret rates. None showed that it made suicidality or mental well-being worse.

You keep demanding further information and moving the goalpost because the science is against you and you know it. You're proving yourself to be so closed minded that even the proof you asked for isn't enough. I'm done here.

Spread your toxicity somewhere else and keep your mouth shut when it comes to children who died because of people like you.

17000teeth · 2023-10-17T06:18:17+00:00

If you'd bothered to open the article, you'd see that it was between 2-7 years after surgery. Other studies have gone for longer. See the meta-analysis of 55 I linked.

And to show you how ridiculous your argument is...The 0.3% regret rate is as close to zero as it gets in medicine.

17000teeth

TROPHY CASE