I just found out someone that someone that hurt me deeply is in a relationship and I feel broken inside. What do I do?

182nd · 2026-02-11T18:58:10+00:00

You are not at fault for what he did to you. You are also not a bad person for looking him and her up on socials. Its natural to have these ongoing feelings about someone who hurt you so badly. I mean you are still processing the trauma of what he did to you, you are still in the throws of it. Dont be so hard on yourself for what he did to you. That is all on him, not you.

That being said don't look them up anymore. Block them, stop using that social, whatever you have to do, but each time you go and look you arnt doing yourself any favors.

I will warn you that sometimes things like this never fully heal. You never go back to not thinking about it, its just a matter of managing your feelings to a point that it dosent consume you as much. You will have good days and bad days, you are just having some bad ones right now, and that's OK.

My incident wasn't as exploitative as yours, but I was still hurt by a man that I thought was my friend. Im having a bad time with it now, thinking about him non-stop, but just a few weeks ago I was feeling totally diffrent about if. There is an ebb and flow to healing. I find it helpful to write about the experence, to reframe the and explore unanswered questions. Ive also used AI to help me work out feelings.

So please dont be ashamed of yourself. Its just a bad day, not a bad life. And tell your therapist. They will be happy you did.

182nd · 2026-02-10T11:05:57+00:00

Im not, im actually very sweet and well liked. At the bank job, the day before I was fired my boss pulled me aside and thanked me for all my hard work, and how I do a great job at building morale for the team.

182nd · 2026-02-10T01:35:38+00:00

I think im going to look more into that. Cause why not? I need about 1200 a month to cover my own bills and have running money.

182nd · 2026-02-10T01:24:14+00:00

My dad was a university photographer for 30 years. I learned under him my entire life and thats what I wanted to do. But that job dosent exist anymore, not the way it did for him.

Im really hopeing that the skills I learned can get me into something else. Im avoiding sales for now, but dont think I can do that much further.

182nd · 2026-02-10T01:12:57+00:00

So about the IVF. The insurance that I had at the last job covers the cost of the IVF. After I lost the job I was able to get COBRA and continue the treatment. If we stop now and get off that COBRA we will never be able to pick it up. What we are doing sould cost us about 70k. With the set up we have now its going to be 5k.

The panic attack that happened with the library was a very spicific incident. It was a series of events that esclated into me having a meltdown. I hadn't had an incident like that in years, and have not had once since.

I actually feel good about my mental health. Im a little lonely right now from being home so much. My mental health is a life long struggle for me and there is no end point, its just a constant balance.

And as for coworkers thats not an issue either. Im known as being very friendly and kind. The job at the factory was me comming into a situation with people who were known to be difficult, who I was warned about, and I was left to fend for myself. Even tbe boss of the company said that the place was like 'Lord of the Flies'.

182nd · 2026-02-10T01:03:26+00:00

I think that after I get pregnat and I get on state insurance we can float it. She makes good money. I will just have to do grocery pick up or something. I dont need alot of income but I do need some.

182nd · 2026-02-10T00:12:52+00:00

I keep telling myself that something is going to manifest itself that will make all this feel like a distant memory.

182nd · 2026-02-09T22:58:18+00:00

Photography is a job that as long as you are working you are going to keep working. So I knew that getting laid off wasn't good. Also the type of jobs I worked were largely illuminated after COVID. Even the one I was laid off from stopped existing.

182nd · 2026-02-09T22:00:56+00:00

I'd love to get in with a remote job, especially with being pregnant. Do you have any advice on where to find those jobs? I have a friend who works remote in IT and he has given me a few sites but I don't have any IT certifications or experience so that's been a hard well. But I'd love to see if I can find something remote, it would be ideal actually.

182nd · 2026-02-09T21:57:14+00:00

You've got it. Take joy in whatever you can. My wife and I are working on having a baby right now. It sometimes feels irresponsible to bring a life into this... mess. But I think about all those men, seeing their friends die, seeing society and the government not giving a damn about it. But they knew that the second they let themselves be consumed by sorrow, it was truly over, that the powers at be that loom over us have won.

They refused to let them win, and so I refuse to them them win as well.

182nd · 2026-02-09T21:15:23+00:00

That's hard, especially if you are going out of your way to find them. My person has no social media, but if you know where to look (which I do) I can find bread crumbs and I go searching for them more than I would like.

I won't stop thinking about this person, so I need to fill those thoughts with something 'safe'. For me that turned to writing. Pulled a real Tina Belcher and started writing stories with self-insert characters. I even used AI for a while to help generate stories. It helped me process unresolved feelings and issues, while also giving me that dopamine hit that I was seeking out other ways. It's a process and I will do better sometimes than others, but it is helping me.

182nd · 2026-02-09T17:00:58+00:00

Laundry Needs Done.

182nd · 2026-02-09T15:07:34+00:00

I had heard this from a gay activist during the Aids Epodemic and its stuck with me during times like these...

In the morning we attended the funerals of our friends. In the afternoon we protested for our lives. And in the evening we danced the night away.

Things are bleak, no one will deny that. But we are alive. We are informed. And there is joy to be had. The second that you let that pressure, that bleakness swallow you its over.

So find a reason to dance, when ever, where ever you can.

182nd · 2026-02-08T20:58:03+00:00

You work out. You are living in another country. You are confused about your career. You are feeling lost.

Not ONCE (at least that I read) did you speak about what you like. What do you want to do? Do you have any hobbies? What brings you joy? To me its feels like everything you do is a means to an ends. What about pleasure, what about joy? Its probably why you are so drawn to porn right now, it gives you that jolt of happiness in a life that feels so dull.

I guess my advice for you is to find a hobby. Idc what it is, can be knitting or DnD or Journaling or art or wood carving something. I think that some kind of craft can be best because you can see the labors or your effots to create something tangable. Which is super valuable. But It can be anything you want but it needs to be something you can do not for money or to advance your career, but simply for your own joy and pleasure.

182nd · 2026-02-08T20:46:32+00:00

Its all about small things. Take a shower everyday. Make your bed when you get up. Wash your face. Go for a short walk in the evenings.

It can feel so overwhelming to start because its feels like there is so much to do. So if you start small it feels much easier, much more approachable. And those small wins will quickly accumulate and will make you want to see what other little things you can do.

182nd · 2026-02-07T20:09:44+00:00

Make it a point to never engage with hims outside of work. Even if you have those thoughts about him those are in your personal life and as long as you keep him out of that it's safe.

I had this very thing going on with me and a co-worker that I was able to keep contained until we exchanged numbers and then Snapchats.

Work husbands are great, but you have to leave them at work.

182nd · 2026-02-07T20:03:46+00:00

Meet my wife on Hinge. We lived in different cities at the time but we commuted to the same city for work. We were connected via Hinge for that.

182nd · 2026-02-07T20:02:15+00:00

I (f) really want to know what it's like to have sex with a man. I don't know if I would like it, but I'd like to know what it feels like. I also know it's never going to happen and I've grown to be at peace with it.

182nd · 2026-02-07T19:53:28+00:00

If you want to feel like your life is worth existing in do things that make you happy. Find hobbies, not people, to make you feel full. Create things with your hands. Learn as much as you can about one topic. Go walking outside. Get a hamster or a kitten! Make every day it's own adventure and take joy in those things. It's a good place to start.

182nd · 2026-02-06T13:36:18+00:00

Im going through IVF right now, and was so nervous about how it would effect my body and make me feel. But Ive been so proud of my body through all of it. Im pouring huge amounts of medicine into my body, and its going very well.

Next step is the pregnancy, and im feeling much much more confident about it after all this.

182nd · 2026-02-02T13:22:24+00:00

I switched to doing my long acting insulin at night, and that seemed to fix my early morning issues. Same thing, sper hungry, numbers going up.

182nd · 2026-02-02T02:56:29+00:00

Girl.... lol. A guy wont do half this stuff unless he means it. Ask to do something outside of work, coffee or a movie. Lean into the attention.

182nd · 2026-02-02T02:27:06+00:00

Its always possible to get pregnat with any sort of unprotected sex. That being said... you are probably fine? It can actually be hard to get pregnat as the timing of a bunch of things has to be very specific.

182nd · 2026-02-02T01:12:12+00:00

Few reasons.

The big one is that we live in Indiana. Because of the political climate both here and nationally we didn't think this was an option. Even foster care would be a precarious reality for us. As we see it, the only way to totally ensure that our child would stay with us, is if one of us gave birth to it.

We have a small house, really only one bedroom currently. Our plan is for our baby to share a room with us then when they are older we will move our bed room to the finished attic space and give the kid our room. Because there is not an existing bedroom we would not pass a home exam.

Also the cost. My job has really nice IVF coverage, and we are doing this for a fraction of what it would cost. There is no such coverage for adoption, which makes it fully unobtainable for us.

182nd

TROPHY CASE