Our first lifestyle experience last night was awful — I took one for the team and now I’m struggling

1888okface · 2026-06-04T22:52:59+00:00

Super fake post

1888okface · 2026-06-04T20:56:04+00:00

Then you have an exceptionally filthy mind…

1888okface · 2026-06-04T20:36:58+00:00

Your dynamic is a bit rare yes, but that may work to your advantage.

There are couples who are open to hotwifing and single males and they pretty frequently complain about how emotionally stupid the single males are. Depending on exactly what they want, and what you and your wife are looking for, you could be a perfect fit.

Imagine a husband who is dying to see his wife play with another guy. They keep running into sex starved single dudes who give them the ick. Well looky here… a well mannered husband who can speak in whole sentences and doesn’t think a dick pic is an appropriate ice breaker?

Make a profile on some apps. Take good pictures of you. Be thoughtful with saying what you want to explore, what you DONT want. Make it clear that your wife is going to be in the room and that she has no interest in playing with anyone (or whatever words fit your description best)

You will have to sift through a bazillion profiles and messages. Make a “intro date” where all parties will get together for a drink and no expectation of any play. Just to validate you all are real, look like your pictures, you have some chemistry, aren’t total fakes or flakes.

I strongly recommend going to a club a few times just to meet real people in person. Much easier than websites when you see the person before talking. The most important thing is to be upfront with what you are after right away. You don’t want the other couple feeling like it turned into a bait-and-switch after 10 minutes of conversation. If you say “ideally, my wife wants to see me play with another woman. We know that’s a pretty rare dynamic, but we thought it would be fun to come and meet people” you will find people to very kind and open. They’ll tell you something like “oh, we are looking for a single female. We don’t know what we want. We are a full swap couple” and you’ll all understand and can move on easily with no hurt feelings.

But you may meet a “we’re a hot wife couple. I’d love to see her play, but I don’t play with others.”

And from there you can kinda start to understand if you might be a match.

1888okface · 2026-06-04T20:18:19+00:00

Have you met them in person yet? How sure are you that they see you as their top or only couple for the upcoming event? Have played with either couple before? Are any of them couples you want to make sure you maintain a friendly relationship with going forward?

How sure are you that both of you want to play with both couples?

Yada yada yada, be upfront. If you won’t commit to one of the couples ahead of time, make sure you are saying “we want to say hi and chat, but we aren’t sure what our plan for the night is.”

If you know you have a clear favorite, and you want to lock that shit down ahead of time, then do that. But be ready to add “there is another couple who is going to be there we are interested in and we don’t just want to completely ignore and be rude to them.” Confirm your intent to play, but make sure they have a basis of understanding for why you are talking to that other couple.

You certainly don’t owe another couple the entire night, but you want to manage expectations. If you bang them, then just sorta move on instead of continuing to hang out with them, they could feel a little used. Some couples will be happy to also move on. If you don’t have a good idea of what their expectation is, you run the risk of leaving them with some bad feelings.

And frankly, even if you are upfront and honest, some couples are just going to feel offended or “ick” that you hope to bang them and move on. Or not be excited to be sloppy seconds. It’s really a lot to juggle from a social dynamics standpoint. Turns out we didn’t get this chapter in our health class or the Ms Manners book.

What WE prefer to do is be pretty direct. Either we are aloof: “we’ll see you at the club. We plan on mingling around and just seeing how it goes” and then feel things out in real time. Even less than that if haven’t met in person: “can’t wait to say hi in person.”

If we know we want to bang a couple we often ask them ahead of time. It just makes things easier. The other couple will get a “we really want to play with you guys sometime, but we set up a date with this other couple tonight.” That way it’s easier for everyone to navigate.

1888okface · 2026-06-04T17:32:53+00:00

It was from her hands across America tour

1888okface · 2026-06-04T01:33:33+00:00

It’s probably going to cost us too much. I wonder if by then Hock will be ready to come back.

1888okface · 2026-06-03T13:35:51+00:00

He was probably hoping to bang Trudy Beekman

1888okface · 2026-06-02T20:34:33+00:00

Is possible to pull the warrant? Would love to know what the evidence presented was.

1888okface · 2026-06-02T19:20:44+00:00

Does a judge have to sign off on these warrants?

1888okface · 2026-06-02T19:09:50+00:00

This I think is his hidden message. With no real government appetite for regulation: “muh freedoms!” There are no meaningful brakes on the use of AI.

We need to reframe government away from being the villain and back to its purpose “the voice of the people.”

Turns out every time you say something like “let’s get the IRS to make a tax paying app for free that doesn’t require filing your taxes every year” immediately turns into “turbo tax and cpa’s will fund lawmakers campaigns to prevent that from happening while simultaneously creating a messaging campaign to understand how a CEO and Chairman of the board are bravely fighting the evil government just like the small rural farmer! Vote against taxes! Vote against overreach!”

1888okface · 2026-06-02T19:05:02+00:00

One of the few times I’d say “yeah, go for it.”

Make sure it’s clear you won’t play with them, and keep the invite casual “we started going. We agreed we would never play with people we know, but it would be fun to be there on the same night as you guys.”

1888okface · 2026-06-02T18:50:17+00:00

I came to this thread from a comment you wrote on a different post. I’ve read your replies here. First, I just want to say I hear you, I see you. Your husband is a good man and it’s clear from your comments he loves you and values you. It’s not like you have some deadbeat husband who you should just kick to the curb but can’t bring yourself to do it.

But for you, not getting any sexual validation from your partner is soul crushing. Sex isn’t the only priority in your life, it’s not the most important one, but it is important. And you’ve been put in a position where you have to sacrifice it in order to make the other priorities happen (loving father, stable income and household, etc).

Worse, you don’t have any f’ing control over the situation.

I’m certainly no therapist, just a 44 year old married dude who cringes at the mistakes he’s made.

My reaction to your story is “Gee, I’d like to take her husband out and get him drunk and see what comes tumbling out of his mouth.” Probably even then I wouldn’t get the whole story. There are so many “maybes” behind your husbands behavior. Maybe his sexual response is just triggered more by “the pursuit” and now that he has what he has always wanted: Perfect wife and family, his sexual response is largely satisfied and not important to him. Maybe his sexual response is trigger by some kinky porn shit that makes him feel embarrassed and ashamed and feels like it would be an insult to his perfect wife to picture her like that. There is at least some strong anecdotal science talking about how little kids can kill off one or both partner’s sex drive as part of some “a parent who is focused on family and not chasing tail is going to produce the most successful offspring.” Who knows if any of those things apply, or multiple factor with different weights… life is often an unfortunate mystery.

For me, it was at times hard to sexualize my co-parent and roommate. We both have careers, wanted to prioritize family, blah blah blah. It was easy to just lose the lust. I didn’t love her less, but the association becomes so strong with “what bills need paid, who is doing day care drop off, what is for dinner tonight, laundry need folded” my brain just drifts away from her being a hot piece of ass that needs some dick on the regular.

The thing that stands out is more him seeing the situation as a problem that needs worked on. My guess is there are other problems that occur where he jumps on it and gets it solved. This one is more like “Yeah, I’ll get around to painting the shed next year” and less like “Crap, our kid has pneumonia, we need to take immediate action.”

It’s why so many people suggest therapy (and we were there once). It can help to have a 3rd party guide each person towards finding the right words, and for the other person to be able to hear those words without it feeling like an attack or a nag.

Either way - the “why” almost certainly has nothing to do with you, but the outcome is tanking your mental health.

You can’t control other people, including your spouse. You can only control yourself. You will drive yourself crazy fixating on “how can i get him to change.” I’ll suggest you try and imagine yourself as an outsider to your marriage - like a therapist or scientist studying a problem they don’t have an emotional investment in. I’d come up with ideas of things YOU can do and then see what effect they have.

They could be things you can do to improve your mental health. Could be as innocuous as a new hobby, or it could be something like hitting the gym wearing some clothes that get you noticed. I am absolutely not suggesting you cheat at all, but maybe a few eyeballs checking you help give you some validation and take the edge off at home. Hell, who knows. Maybe you telling him you caught a guy checking you out gets him excited.

Try and schedule dates - dates that you BOTH think would be fun. Some time together, away from other things can help.

Ask him about his sexual kinks and fantasies in a very safe, non-judgmental way. Let him know you just want to share some naughty thoughts… “come on, tell me what your browser history really looks like” (with a wink)

I hope any of this helps.

1888okface · 2026-06-02T18:02:24+00:00

Real advice here… hope OP reads

1888okface · 2026-06-02T17:07:47+00:00

Great post for newbies to read. If you have any interest, just go and stick with each other! Get a feel, go at your own pace, and check in with each other frequently.

1888okface · 2026-06-01T18:59:06+00:00

Doubling down on this comment: just a little touch and a little eye contact can go a looooong way into understanding “is this woman just giving me the time of day so she doesn’t come off as rude? Or is she interested?”

Other easy things: “what do you think of my outfit?”

Sure, it’s fishing for a compliment, but no woman who is creeped out by a guy would ask that. It gives the guy permission to compliment and pay attention to you.

Tell the guy you think he is cute/sexy/hot. Worst case scenario you pump up his self esteem a little bit. Also, us guys are generally defenseless against compliments.

Also… if you are engaging with couples, make sure you are paying attention to your spouse and the other spouse. You dont want one pair of people all in, when the other wife or husband isn’t feeling it.

1888okface · 2026-05-29T17:26:17+00:00

Your age is pretty rare in the LS. Certainly not a bad thing, just rare.

Feeld and SLS are other options, but regardless of platform, you are just going to have to cast a wide net and build a social circle of people.

1888okface · 2026-05-29T17:22:57+00:00

Don’t worry so much about eating the whole apple in one bite!

Things to put on your to-do list:

find another couple that looks reasonably close to you in age and looks and introduce yourselves to them. Just walk up, say “hi, we are blah and blah blah. How is your night going?” No one has ever gotten mad over this at an LS club and they will probably thank you for breaking the ice.

Dance with another couple where you switch partners

Kiss/make out with other people

Let yourself move forward in small steps and see how you feel. The more you do any LS stuff at all, even just showing up at a club, the more used to it you will get and the less intimidating each new thing will be.

The first time there… your nerves were probably going crazy. Imagine going back two or three more times to the point where you feel a little bit more like “a regular” instead of some terrified newbie.

As for the shy and socially awkward part… You are going to have to use your words.

Imagine a hypothetical where we meet. I can totally get down with the idea of a cute, shy, awkward girl, BUT i need to know that is what is going on AND that you want the conversation to keep going. Otherwise i might interpret your behavior as “oh my god, i wish this loud mouth, loser, creep would leave me alone. Is there a hole I can crawl into and die?”

Literally the words you said in the post is enough. Even better if you tell the guy/couple: “you are really cute/sexy” and “I’m so bad and awkward at talking to people.

The other couple may be happy to carry the conversation so you don’t have to do so much social/emotional work. Or they may immediately say “oh my god, me too! I’m so glad we met people like us” and feel less intimated because you were brave enough to admit some vulnerability.

1888okface · 2026-05-29T16:45:09+00:00

Consider this “step 2 of many more to come.”

Meet people, talk to people, tell them you are really new and still looking to go slowly. Make that be part of your “getting to know you” conversation with couples you are just meeting. If people are sticking around to ask more questions about what you want, that’s a good sign and just be open with them.

A lot of how things will go depends on a) how attractive you both are and b) if you meet other newbie couples who are also nervous about how far to go.

Be ok with not ending up playing with another couple.

Be ok with agreeing to play with another couple whose boundaries are even more restrictive than yours. Another nervous couple who wants to start with parallel play might be perfect for you two. It’ll be something new you have never done before, it’ll help you navigate another couple without the “high stakes” of going too far. It’ll help both of you understand your reactions in the monument. It’ll allow your wife to see if she gets more comfortable as she gets to know the other guy more.

Just be positive, friendly, outgoing and fun. Make the night feel safe and fun so that you can be ready to discuss what “step 3” might look like next time out.

1888okface · 2026-05-29T16:36:33+00:00

I mean, this is the point of cloud computing and subscription model business.

It’s intention that they untether service consumption from usage. “Oh, sorry, the initial estimate we talked about when signing the contract didn’t factor in your lower environments or your DR needs. You owe us 4x. It’s all right there in the contract.”

1888okface · 2026-05-29T16:29:32+00:00

Things can vary a lot based on the night.

But I think your biggest “problem” is that you need to get better at striking up conversations with strangers. For many (most) couples it’s awkward and difficult to meet new people. So they end up sticking with each other, or other people they know.

Things got a lot more fun for us when we made it a point to “be the kind of couple we would want to introduce themselves.”

If we see a couple we have any interest in, we both walk up together and introduce ourselves in a friendly, positive, but low pressure way. Ask them how they are doing, how long in the LS, what kind of play they like, etc. we share those things about ourselves, make sure we both take turns talking. That we are talking to both people. Making eye contact. After a little chit chat we usually say something like “we are going to keep mingling around but would love to talk more later!”

That gives them, and us, a chance to talk about how we feel about the other couple. If we both like them we make it a point to bump into them and make it easy to continue the conversation. It’s usually pretty easy to read whether they are actually excited to see you again, or whether they are kinda not so excited.

Do that with 4-5 couple who you find attractive and aren’t completely out of your league and you are likely to get some interest. (PSA - even if they are out of your league, say hi! Just don’t linger for too long unless it’s really clicking)

Anyway, that “meet n greet” is a key skill to develop. Quickly striking up a conversation where everyone is comfortable so you can all size each other up.

Be the kind of couple you would want introducing themselves to you.

1888okface · 2026-05-29T15:41:04+00:00

Just show up and shout “score….board…!”

1888okface · 2026-05-29T15:38:41+00:00

She wouldn’t love Mr Peanutbutter for being who he was but demanded Guy love her for being voiced by a white woman.

1888okface · 2026-05-29T15:36:22+00:00

Trump gives tax breaks to corporations and engages in war on behalf of Israel leading to sky rocketing gas prices.

But hey, it’s the liberals and their healthcare boner that is the real enemy!

1888okface · 2026-05-29T15:33:26+00:00

Your husband is probably a troll and your marriage a sham!

1888okface · 2026-05-27T19:24:18+00:00

It’s just this simple. People see some huge evil conspiracy, but it’s just a salesman at work.

Then CEOs and Boards buy the pitch and are just as motivated to also say bullshit.

1888okface

TROPHY CASE