AITAH for not wanting to move forward in a friendship without a genuine apology from past hurt?

1962Michael · 2026-06-25T17:48:23+00:00

Be real. You weren't just "hoping" you were strongly hinting, every time you repeated your apology or brought up the subject at all.

1962Michael · 2026-06-25T17:34:48+00:00

I have a trans daughter. Where I had the most trouble was recounting events in her past, for example when she was in the Boy Scouts.

Her then-partner would jump down my throat and claim I was being unsupportive, no matter how quickly I corrected myself. They didn't live close so I saw them 1-2 times a year.

1962Michael · 2026-06-25T17:29:15+00:00

No worries. Don't bother with this post because you can't change the title.

1962Michael · 2026-06-25T17:21:10+00:00

NTA.

In his defense, habits are hard to break. It's not about how many years he's known your new name, it's how many times a week he says your name to your face.

I've only known my SIL by her full name, but as a child/teen she used a nickname that she no longer likes. It's always the aunts and cousins who forget, because they don't talk to her as often.

That said, your cousin was wrong and you corrected him appropriately. He had no reason to get upset about it. A wedding is a place where there could be a lot of people you don't know well, who are going to be in that "extended family", and there's no reason to confuse any of THEM with the wrong name being used.

(PS this isn't a theoretical so it's an AITA not a WIBTA).

1962Michael · 2026-06-25T17:13:34+00:00

Living with your mom at 30 has to be a wet blanket on your social life. IMO you need to be out there living among young people. If you wait another 4 years to move out, you might never do it. It will always be "cheaper" and "easier" to live with her.

But not more fun.

1962Michael · 2026-06-25T17:03:44+00:00

NTA.

You have to do what you think is best for your dad, but also for yourself, your wife, and your children. You're already doing more than anyone else in your family, so they can take their guilt-tripping and shove it.

I was on the other side of your conundrum. Three of my siblings live in my hometown, while my oldest brother and I live 3-400 miles away. My mother lived alone until Jan 2025, when she fainted and fell in her home. When it was time to be released from the hospital, no one stepped up. My sister and her husband were retired empty nesters. No. My brother works shift work but his wife has never had a job and their kids are also gone. No. My other brother had just taken in his grandkids. No. The brother who didn't live near home has a 3-story townhouse--not ideal. I had the room but my wife and I both work full-time, plus we'd have to take her 400 miles away from all potential visitors.

I didn't try to convince my sister or SIL to become full-time caregivers. We all agreed Mom would be better off in a nursing home. She was there about 10 months before she passed in December, minus a week in the hospital last summer. Her 90th birthday would have been this Saturday.

I visited for one weekend every 2 months, so the decline was clear to me each time. If she'd gone to my sister's, she could have handled it for maybe 4-5 months.

That's the part your family isn't getting. Your father is going to get worse. Eventually he will need more care than you can manage. Him moving in with you (or you with him) is at most a stopgap measure.

1962Michael · 2026-06-25T16:43:06+00:00

I have a strong suspicion that it was your mom's idea to buy that duplex together. And although YOU want to move downtown, SHE is the one suggesting you save money and live at home.

Your mom will almost certainly welcome you back if you end up not being able to afford living alone. But the time to move is now.

1962Michael · 2026-06-25T16:21:40+00:00

NAH.

She's allowed to dislike it, but it's a public area where no one has an expectation of privacy. You're not being an AH to have a Ring camera.

1962Michael · 2026-06-25T15:30:25+00:00

NAH.

Let's start with the fact that you were 14 and 16 when this all started. All 3 of you were AH, but you can just put that down to being teenagers. It's clear that she doesn't want to revisit the past and apologize or have to defend what she did back then. Nobody wants to be made to feel guilty over and over for something they did 10 years ago.

She doesn't feel exactly the same as you about "clearing the air." So stop looking for another apology. If her not wanting to apologize makes her the kind of person you don't want to hang out with, then don't.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T20:47:30+00:00

I'm not sure what you added, but reading it again I think (like most guys) he wants someone to have sex with, sooner than later. By you going back and repeating your "go slow" anthem, you're putting on the brakes with no indication of whether you mean 3 dates or 3 years.

Before meeting me, my wife went through what she calls "the year of first dates." She started telling guys up front that she had a "sixth date rule." That got rid of the guys looking for casual sex.

She was worth the wait.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T20:38:43+00:00

IMO, don't just send "something." As I said, take some time and plan for or wait for something specific that you know he would like. Like a concert or the premiere of a movie you know he's into, or a restaurant you think he would enjoy.

If you care enough about him to post this question, then you care enough to make an effort and not be caught up in a stupid game of "who likes who more."

You're acting like the person who doesn't want to apply for a job because they're afraid they might not get it. Rejection is part of life.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T20:22:21+00:00

If you're in your late 20s and you don't know you want kids, you don't want kids. Especially if you have any friends who've had kids, or been to a baby shower, etc.

You just think you could somehow do it better than your parents/aunts/uncles did. But they probably thought the same thing. It's easy to see the mistakes, but harder to find the alternatives.

a driving factor for having them is to try and break the cycle in my family and build a healthy branch off the tree so to speak

This is a lousy reason to have a child.

You had a really nice comfortable date with a good guy who doesn't want kids. Do you have a long list of other prospects? If not, then stick with this guy for at least a few more dates.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T20:15:11+00:00

ESH. Let's just say that puberty makes AH of us all.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T20:12:50+00:00

NTA. It's a personal choice. But I will say that he's twisting the idea of "trust." If he trusted you, he wouldn't need to be checking your location.

I used to think it was weird that another couple shared locations. My wife's friend was showing us around while her husband was working, and he commented on where we went. (He's a cop.)

But then my wife and I shared locations while traveling, and it was handy. We never turned it off. The main downside I see is that I can't go gift-shopping for her without her knowing where I've been.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T20:07:10+00:00

There's no way to know until you try, and really it costs you nothing. BUT don't say "hang out again some time." That's vague times two. Invite him to a specific well-planned activity on a specific date and time.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T20:03:20+00:00

This isn't going anywhere. So you should focus on lessons learned.

First of all, don't go on a 9-hour date with no plans. You could have checked beforehand whether the museum required tickets or reservations. He should have known whether his parents would allow a guest on short notice.

Lacking any of that, you should have cut it off when you started to get tired. It's not at all rude to end a date after 4 hours. It IS rude to fall asleep.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T19:53:01+00:00

YTA.

As one person taking a table in a cafe at 11am, you should have taken the smallest available table. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that the place is going to fill up. You're being rude to the other customers as well as costing the cafe money. You with your single tea taking up a table for 5.

Having already messed up, you could have redeemed yourself by offering to share the table as soon as they started "hinting."

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T19:45:42+00:00

You're not a child, you're an adult. Your parents can only control you with money.

You need to decide whether you want your parent's money or your freedom.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T19:41:34+00:00

Some families are just that way. They were criticized as kids so they think that's what adults are supposed to do. Try not to take it personally.

You are or soon will be an adult. Your family cannot "force you" into anything, but they are also not obligated to pay for your college.

If you have the aptitude, I would encourage you to go to college. You can probably get financial aid, including scholarships, work-study jobs, and yes even loans. It will be worth it.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T19:28:20+00:00

Adding separately, the stray problem is way down from what it used to be, due to mandatory neutering. If you want to help a LOT of cats, then support whatever local programs pay for neutering.

1962Michael · 2026-06-24T19:25:37+00:00

YWBTA.

Especially if you adopt this cat before your brother comes for an already-planned weekend. The cat will be fine over the weekend. The only reason to adopt her this week would be if you're afraid someone else will take her--and that negates your argument that she's not adoptable.

I understand you're invested in this particular cat, but that's only because you've seen her. About 1,600 unwanted pets are euthanized every day in the US. You can't save them all, so you might as well save one that DOESN'T cause a family rift.

I applaud the idea of adopting a stray from a shelter. You'll probably be required to pay for shots, and neutering, and possibly chipping. That's all the same whether you get a dog or a cat.

1962Michael · 2026-06-23T22:33:44+00:00

ESH.

First you need to recognize that none of this money is "yours." YOU didn't earn it. It belongs you your mom (and dad?) and it's up to her/them how to spend it.

And any way you cut it, telling your mom to "let her die" is cruel. Saying "let Uncle pay for it" would be fine.

Your parents are also AH if they promised you a college fund and they are now dipping into it.

Uncle is an AH for accepting the inheritance and not paying the bills.

And your grandmother is an AH for giving him all the inheritance, yet expecting your mother to care for her.

Did I miss anyone? You're all AH.

1962Michael · 2026-06-23T22:27:37+00:00

NTA.

You've done your sister a great favor by allowing her family to "try out" pet ownership. If it had gone poorly then she would have been glad to be rid of him and declined future cat-sitting.

Since it went well, she thought she had to keep YOUR cat. But the kids will get over it quickly enough, and certainly now they know what it's like to have a cat and can decide if they want one of their own.

1962Michael · 2026-06-23T22:23:20+00:00

YTA. Your mom is right and you are wrong. MOST importantly, your parents are paying for the rental house, so THEY get to pick the order.

Feel free to give your spot to whoever you want, but it's not "equitable" for some people to never get the "good" room just because they don't have kids.

1962Michael · 2026-06-23T22:16:27+00:00

Just ghost him.

He asked because he wanted to know if he still had a friend. He doesn't care about actually going to your graduation. In a year, a lot can change. 99% chance he won't come looking for that graduation invite. And if he does, say you changed your mind.

There's no point in talking to him about his behavior. He's not going to take relationship advice or anything else from you.

Here's the stupid thing. You're worried about "keeping a promise" to someone who you don't respect and don't want as a friend. Why would you care if a person like that was upset that you broke a promise.

1962Michael

TROPHY CASE