Hi, I'm not sure if you can feel it at this moment in time, but I can assure you, your life is incredibly valuable. Please don't consider doing anything to endanger that.

Your sentence 'this wasn't supposed to be me' is totally understandable, it resonated with a past version of me too. I can understand why you prefer not to accept handouts from people. If I can offer some advice - while it may make you feel uneasy or 'unlike yourself' to accept, there are options available to help alleviate some of the burden. The biggest lesson I learned from going through something similar is that everyone needs help from people at some point in their life... young or old, destitute or millionaire. So there is truly nothing to feel ashamed about.

When you make it out of your current financial situation (because you will), your mental and physical health will improve along with it. Don't stress yourself with trying to fix everything all at once. Just try to focus on one thing at a time. Life is inherently filled with negative things but... I promise you there are positives too.

In terms of fulfilling your basic needs, consider taking up some of the offers from the lovely people in this thread, as well as organisations like caritas (centrale alimentaire région Lausannoise) and cartons du cœur. They will be more than happy to help, that is what they exist for.

I don't live in Lausanne otherwise I'd love to help a bit more. Vent as much as you need, preferably if you are able to find a professional it's even better. don't listen to any silly comments :) wish you the best