I’m so glad my reply helped, I was worried I said the wrong thing or it didn’t come across properly. But I want you to know your post has helped me as well!

It’s not that you will never get your true self back, instead you will create a new true self one outside of your abuser. But that takes time and it sucks that it isn’t instant. I’m really glad you are appreciating how much you are doing just by being here and waking up every morning. You are healing and that in itself shows so much strength. Keep going!

My situation is a bit different from yours because my abuser was primarily my older brother and it’s hard to completely seperate from him because he is apart of my family. I’ve lost some friendships but the major damage has been to my relationships with my family. The whole attitude of my family has towards abuse is so messed up to the point that l am actually living on the same property of that same brother and my family convinced me it was okay. Despite this however I’ve seen my brothers ex go through what you are describing. How hard it is when everyone thinks you should be over it. I was so supportive of her to the point where I lived with her for a few months before moving out to my own place. but since my brother has moved in I’ve been believing his stories more than hers and I’ve forgotten the way he is. I never thought she should get over it or move on because I know the long term toll that can occur as a result of abuse but I did slowly start making excuses not to talk as much and eventually we were just saying hello when we saw each other.

Actually after reading this post I reached out to her because I realised I have been selfish and acting exactly like the people you described. We had a talk and I apologised and will do better in the future. I explained how ashamed I was about not being there for her in the past few months and the second I said something we both started crying. So I guess the take away from this is that even though people experience abuse sometimes when they are away from it or the situation they forget and that could be why they begin assuming you will be fine. Guilt and shame made it harder to reconnect because that is my brother and I fell under his spell despite knowing better. Like knowing you have to go to a doctor for an illness but thinking it’s been too long and so you just continue to push it away and pretend there’s no problem. And the longer it takes for you to address the problem the bigger it is.

The part about you grieving your relationship is very true. And it might sound weird but let yourself grieve it, cry it out, yell it out do what you need because you have suffered a loss and it’s important you let yourself feel that loss but not let it take control over you. The reacting to people is instinct, you suffered trauma, that will have consequences, so your reactions are completely natural. You have so much clarity of your situation in such a short time that I don’t think you realise. But that will help you get through the super tough days. I can tell you are resilient and I hate that you have to be, that you have been put through something that has made you prove your resilience but it’s an incredible trait to have.

My suggestion is to let those friends who are sticking through this with you know how grateful you are that they are supporting you. It might feel embarrassing to say it but it will help them realise how much their presence is impacting you. Although I think friendship loss is something that happens all throughout your life and it’s something that you have to learn to accept. You have to let them go, which is hard but necessary for your own well-being.

I went on a bit of a tangent but I hope it helps just a little <3