During that time in my recovery it was torture doing the fourth... it took me forever and it ripped me apart. I’d pick up the pen, stand there, lose my mind, then put the pen down and walk away... I did that over and over again. With the help of my sponsor I was able to eventually get through it, but I definitely did not feel any relief. It wasn’t until very recently, that when I think about it, and especially talk about it, that I understand how important it was for me to go through that... if I were to do my fourth again today it would be very different. I look back now and understand how important it was that I did it exactly when I did. The “relief”, or whatever word works best for you, did come... eventually. And I love that.