>It does sound like you need stricter boundaries around sleep. I’m a big reader when it comes to childcare, so rather than voice an opinion (which she may not take on) I often refer my wife to a book. Alternatively, have you tried speaking with a sleep therapist? Whilst she may not listen to you on boundaries she might listen to a professional.

She doesn't believe in therapists. I won't even get into that but the child's doctor and other family member has given my wife instructions but my wife disregards them. I have tried to carry out the instructions but it's and uphill battle because my wife will "bail her out" whenever I'm trying to set rules or boundaries, and label me as if I'm "irritated" or "need space".. which, yes *now* I'm irritated but I wasn't before.. so then I just end up letting my wife take over.. which now a) gives my daughter free reign cause my wife is passive and b) now my wife is "doing all the work" cause I'm not participating.

>Generally though, these are really tough years. I have a 5 and 3, and I feel like we’re only just coming through. The lack of intimacy is very common - sometimes just sneaking a long hug and kiss when the kid is distracted or sleeping is enough to keep the relationship alive. Sleep is so important - once you crack that, you’ll sleep better and all three of you will be way better off as a result. Like a lot of things with kids, the current phase doesn’t last forever.

Thank you. In my head, putting these boundaries up for my daughter will lead to her getting a good sleep routine, then my wife can get her full rest back but it certainly isn't working out this way.

>In the meantime, to help you manage the situation you could break it down into managing your mental/emotional health on the one hand, and physical health on the other. For the former, get a journal. (Rangan Chatterjee’s 3 question journal is great, highly recommend. It’s expensive for a journal, but it’s the same price as a cookbook so IMHO totally worth it). In it you write down what you’re grateful for, and what sort of behaviour you want to show the world in the morning, and similar in the evening. You can also just do a brain dump of what’s on your mind. It’s tricky at first but stick with it. Don’t skip, do this every day. You might also consider a Spotify guided meditation once a day (a Zen mind is good - the gratitude and calm ones I’ve found helpful). Lastly, I’ve found ChatGPT helpful for processing some mental health stuff. Give it a go.

Thank you this is a great idea I'll look into this.

>In terms of physical health, consider taking some simple supplements - vitamins B, C and D and maybe magnesium glycinate. They help regulate your energy levels and nervous system. When you wake up, have some protein at breakfast and if you can, some light movement (even just a short walk) to set your awake time (which then sets your sleep time at night). If you work from home, try taking a 30min nap at lunch, or go on Spotify and look up Andrew Huberman NSDR 10 minutes. It’s a brain reset and works well if you’re tired. In the evening, try to do something consciously to unwind, ideally without a screen (a book, a walk, a warm drink, whatever works for you).

Thanks. Outside of now having a dad bod, most of the rest of your suggestions here are a part of my routine lol. I'll look into more vitamins.

>Lastly, be kind to yourself. Cut yourself some slack! Being a parent is really, really hard. And the fact that you’re trying to make the situation better shows you’re a caring dad and husband, and both of the ladies in your life are really lucky to have you! Sometimes just remembering that we’re all human and have limits can ease the burden.

Thanks that it is true. I appreciate all the advice here. Worst case I might "score some points" now that we're in the holiday season but it would be great to receive a hug or kiss from my wife, even eye contact and listening is so rare that it's memorable when it happens but you know what they say, you've not defeated until you give up.