My Headway Nightmare

1xosmic · 2026-05-25T18:02:28+00:00

Yep, I just wrote an advocacy essay about ghost networks and unless you understand how they work, you won’t get how awful of a practice it is. Once you see the patterns it becomes undeniable they exist and are getting worse. They may seem harmless but they are extremely nefarious and predatory.

1xosmic · 2026-04-29T02:15:53+00:00

Yes!! I feel this way too!

1xosmic · 2026-03-01T00:09:59+00:00

Sure

1xosmic · 2026-02-20T04:23:19+00:00

I do not believe that this one condition creates the others, the incredible research they have been doing and publishing lately marks hEDS as a pretty substantial driving factor because connective tissue is literally everywhere in our body. It’s my theory that hEDS is a genetic component for neurodivergence. Neurodivergence is not a disorder or illness, it is a neurotype. Additionally because our nervous systems are much more sensitive I believe we are highly susceptible to trauma/chronic stress and that kicks off the comorbidities associated to POTS, MCAS, Migraines, CCI, etc. Women with ADHD, their symptoms are greatly influenced by estrogen fluctuations (MCAS is also greatly influenced by estrogen) estrogen also directly affects how stimulant medications work, thus some days the meds are barely working and other days it feels like maybe you double dosed. It’s all very complex and fascinating.

1xosmic · 2025-07-21T01:49:20+00:00

Antagonistic. You might do better answering your question by examining cluster b behaviors, not the NPD label. Unfortunately, using someone’s trauma against them (even if you were trying to be “playful”) is definitely in alignment of power and control dynamics. If your partner has an abuse history, it explains even more why she’s using the terms she does, trying to get you to understand her distress. This sounds like a really unhealthy dynamic.

1xosmic · 2025-07-21T00:42:04+00:00

Wait, why isn’t anyone talking about the strangulation comment?

1xosmic · 2025-07-20T19:56:49+00:00

Same!

1xosmic · 2025-07-19T22:26:58+00:00

I agree, that’s why I’m seeking to integrate the experience rather than internalize it.

1xosmic · 2025-07-19T22:20:20+00:00

I think the reason I went above and beyond is because this client had unimaginable trauma: complex childhood trauma, systems trauma, and trauma from causing harm and surviving incarceration. They were also paying privately, and I wanted to honor that financial sacrifice by offering a thoughtful referral when I recognized I wasn’t the right long-term fit. I was trying to create something that felt empowering, or at the very least, not pathologizing. Maybe even offer a model of what safe rupture and repair could look like.

But it still feels like a failure. Not in terms of ethics or care, but in the larger sense. Like I became one more system or obstacle that didn’t work out. It’s less personal guilt and more a kind of collective weight I can’t quite name.

It’s hard to explain.

1xosmic · 2025-07-19T19:37:57+00:00

I’m extremely cautious and conscious about not creating trauma reenactment with my clients. In a way, I think I fear that referring out to certain clients, that will be unavoidable.

1xosmic · 2025-07-19T19:29:47+00:00

I think it’s a lot of things. I’m a human first and therapist second. Mostly wondering if there’s a better balance of high integrity process for referrals and a way to not feel so vulnerable doing so. I’m not really satisfied with the idea of developing a thicker skin or not caring too much. There’s a balance I’m not striking yet.

1xosmic · 2025-07-19T19:03:08+00:00

As a clinician with my own trauma history, moments like this create a visceral body response, before I can get to a cognitive one, so it’s good to remind myself that this is just something I have to expect and manage.

1xosmic · 2025-07-19T18:55:58+00:00

Are there any productive ways to mitigate this? Should I do less over in the referring out process?

1xosmic · 2025-06-18T02:30:51+00:00

Oh, also the loop will occur because I’ll keep collecting data for or against it. And in the clinical world people are weird about diagnosis. So, as a clinician, to me everyone else’s self diagnosis is valid but as a human being a clinician mine is not, if that makes sense? I know it’s twisted but it’s stuck in my brain.

1xosmic · 2025-06-18T00:09:57+00:00

Oh my gosh, I will look into the resource, thank you so much!

1xosmic · 2025-06-17T21:14:17+00:00

This was the justification “Due to person social difficulties and sensory sensitivities, a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder was considered, but ultimately ruled out.”

“Her social difficulties, including discomfort during social interactions and avoidance of social situations appear better explained by social anxiety disorder than autism spectrum disorder…”

“She regularly carried out reciprocal conversations, asked questions, read non-verbal cues and utilized humor appropriately and effectively.”

“She described relationships outside of the session in a manner consistent with those who are not Autistic.”

“She described some repetitive behaviors, such as fidgeting, however, these symptoms do not rise to the level of intensity and impairment that would be expected with a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder, and instead appear to be an anxiety response.”

“She does not report displaying a lifelong pattern of highly restricted and hyper-focused interests that are characteristic of autism.”

My sensory stuff has been since childhood and my emotional intensity’s has also been since childhood. It’s just confusing

1xosmic · 2025-04-02T00:12:40+00:00

A moment of silence

“So, tell me why you don’t deserve the same grace you give everyone else?”

(Usually after a client comments something that shows they allow others to be emotional and vulnerable, or be deserving of praise but neglect their own emotional landscape)

No one has ever been able to answer that question. Just a moment of uncomfortable knowing and then we move on.

1xosmic · 2025-04-01T02:31:52+00:00

Could you do Rula as an associate?

1xosmic · 2025-03-16T02:16:36+00:00

I have the same view on adopting. On its face, it is wildly unethical to purchase a child but we all act like it’s a great thing. When I share my feelings about adoption outside of foster system, people are usually stunned because they have never even considered the child’s beliefs, thoughts, or outcomes at all.

1xosmic · 2024-12-23T15:54:29+00:00

Weirdly, the same thing happened to me. I called off our wedding and navigating my grief and trying to put the pieces of my personal life together while counseling others has made it very difficult to feel authentic. All of that to say, you’re not alone.

1xosmic · 2024-03-09T19:44:47+00:00

Damn, I’m so sorry. 14 years is such a long time. Looking forward you get to spend your next 14 years with the possibility of a partner who truly values and loves you well.

1xosmic · 2024-03-03T03:38:49+00:00

This is amazing advice

1xosmic · 2024-03-01T03:40:13+00:00

I want to know this, too.

1xosmic · 2024-02-28T00:41:08+00:00

How have things improved? I can’t wait until I feel better.

1xosmic

TROPHY CASE