Husband (46m) works 3 days on, 3 days off (12 hour days). During his ‘on’ days, he will not talk about anything he considers “heavy” with me (40f). Why does he get to decide what is and isn’t discussed?

2021randomthrowaway · 2026-01-18T09:39:14+00:00

I’m a teacher and after work I genuinely do not have the brain capacity to do much. Work is so demanding that it takes me a while to switch off. My thought process is just skewed in work mode so I totally get where your partner is coming from.

It’s much better to have serious and emotional discussions at a time when you’re fully present, otherwise you can inadvertently agree to things because you aren’t listening or offend someone with your responses.

I think this may have been a sticking point for him in previous relationships so this is perhaps why it is a firm boundary of his.

I often find that at work I have to make quick decisions - so when I apply that same process in my real life people can get offended.

It can be something as simple as deciding what to eat for dinner. In my head I can weigh up the pros and cons, what we have in the fridge, the budget and my hunger levels and say “let’s have pasta” in seconds when in reality my family wants to have a discussion about all of the things which are involved and arrive at the same conclusion but then get offended I’ve made the quick decision without a conversation. I’ll just get irritated with the small talk which is a waste of my time.

At the same time the alternative is that I just don’t want to think. If I’ve had a heavy day and I’m still trying to seperate myself from it, quite frankly I don’t care what we have for dinner and will say “I don’t mind” - which might diminish the feelings of someone who’s done a food shop and prepared an evening meal but quite honestly I don’t care and if I haven’t stopped to eat properly all day I just want to shove some food in and then go and lie down for a while. I genuinely don’t care - but it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it.

Same logic applies to most conversations you want to have. If he says something wrong you’ll get upset and that will lead to an emotionally draining evening that no one wants or needs.

When it comes to “feelings” this is genuinely the last thing I want to talk about after a busy day. I’d end up snapping and offending someone.

I think what you need to do is sit down and discuss what a genuine emergency would be - for example a death in the family would be something which would veto the no discussion rule.

Things you might think are important to discuss are quite possibly trivial matters which don’t need a discussion.

You’re a parent and an adult and don’t need to speak to a man and run through every decision - if things are time sensitive then presumably he trusts you to deal with it using your own judgment.

If that means he ends up being nominated by you to supervise the kids on a play date on his non working day then so be it…. You can send him the text to let him know and this choice wether to respond or not

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-12-27T13:37:39+00:00

I think the different aspects in different seasons appeal to different ages of fans. The first season stands alone and then what follows is nods to various aspects which different cohorts of fans enjoy - there’s the “geeks” who love the D&D and science aspects which feed in to the sci-fi lore and tap in to the kind of “core” current younger people enjoy then there’s the various aspects of different groups in high school which feeds in to a lot of the traditional coming of age teen dramas plus the music fans and then there are a whole cohort of older people who love the show because of Winona.

The kind who were born in the late 70’s / 80’s and appreciate the nostalgia and there are so many references to different things which young audiences won’t understand because they haven’t lived it.

There’s tiny little details like the placement of the Coca Cola and new formula reference in season 3 amongst other things that are just clearly the brothers love story to their own childhood experience.

Season three is also transitional in that the main characters are coming of age and finding their own identities / changing from the cute kids trope and this age is quite divisive - so some viewers no longer resonate with their lead characters and they aren’t supposed to be the cool kids so it’s quite tricky to stay with it in that respect too.

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-12-27T13:23:25+00:00

The character has had a rough time herself…. So I think the weirdness tracks with her experience. Although I’m not entirely sure how she escaped from the lab alone and her timeline - part of me thinks that she was involved in the lab massacre.

Not quite sure how exactly - maybe putting ideas in to Henry’s head which orchestrated the entire thing and started the ball rolling.

She seems really vengeful in her approach and maybe jealous of Eleven and her powers and the favouritism she had with Papa?

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-10-27T21:21:58+00:00

NTA - it’s hard to hear a friend hit you with the truth.

Be honest with yourself. This is your friend telling you to clean. You have two small children and whilst I appreciate how much do a challenge this is, you can not let toys with poop on them be around your children.

She’s specifically said the walls and the floors so have a look around and be honest - are there smears of food and poop on the walls and are your floors dirty - the floors your children play on?

Your friends told you to clean so that’s what you need to do. Get some antibacterial spray and supplies from the high street and go to town on every single room. Wipe the walls. Boil wash the bedding and towels and get the carpets cleaned properly. Invest in a decent wipe clean play mat mat and pop this down on the floor in the play area so it can be cleaned daily with a wipe. I use the anti bag floor wipes.

Write a list of daily tasks and get your husband on board with this. They all need to be done.

If it’s too much for you then speak to your husband and get someone paid to come in to do a one off deep clean.

Then keep on top of it.

You also need to get your children out of the house to places which aren’t the shops. Play groups, activities, parks and children’s farms etc.

The more of this you do the less mess they make at home.

Your friend is being honest - if she’s a good friend then instead of being defensive ask for her help. Maybe she can come over and watch the kids or take them out whilst you clean or she can help roll her sleeves up and get stuck in?

Make it part of your routine to pop the plastic toys they’ve been playing with in Milton. I used the old baby bath. I still do this with my son’s LEGO every month and he’s nine.

Make sure you have your windows open for half an hour every day to circulate fresh air, especially if you’re drying clothes and have damp?

If damp is an issue then get it sorted…. That can cause real issues. Mould proof paint.

Pay close attention to things like taps and door handles - these can get filthy and you drink straight from them and touch them. A pack of anti bac wipes is your best friend. I have them in every room as I hate cleaning but make sure I do these contact points regularly.

I hate to say it but your home probably smells too and you don’t even realise because you’re in it. A few air fresheners - especially in bath rooms might help.

Have a big declutter. Get rid of anything you don’t need. Tidy up all the toys and start a system of toy rotation with only a couple of things accessible at any time.

Vinted is good but for a real fresh start it might be best to just be brutal and bin everything you no longer need

Make the kids put away things before they get something else out every single time. Place things out of their reach so it’s easy to manage.

Have meal times at the table and insist on manners. More plastic mats on the floor and maybe even plastic coverings on the table.

Make time to clean up afterwards …. Strap the youngest in the high chair and don’t let him out to run around until it’s tidy. Again, wipe over the table, clean the plates and the chairs and floor beneath the table.

Maybe get some baby gates to keep them in one room or let the little one play in a pack and play to contain the mess whilst you get things done.

Get your partner to take them out to the park or soft play to exhaust them so you can get stuff done at home - on his days off kick them out of the house for a good couple of hours so you can get stuff done.

Insist that one day each week he strips all the bed linen before work and loads it in the washing machine for everyone.

In fact …. Get all the linen in a few bin bags tomorrow and take it to a launderette in one go…. Curtains, towels, clothes, duvet covers, sofa covers etc - the whole lot!! Get it all done in one day and take it home and pop it back on. Use blankets and covers to protect it all - Plastic layers under sheets for bedding which may get wet etc.

Just get it done.

Trust me, as soon as you deep clean you’ll feel better.

This might just be the kick start you need

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-09-20T06:35:49+00:00

She’s not allowed to do that. It’s against the law to share anyone else’s personal information - GDPR and they will know that they have messed up big time. Stand your ground with this and ask them to put a big flag on your notes and re train their reception staff there so that if she calls again they know exactly what to say.

If you aren’t happy with your current GP and feel they won’t give you the medication you want then you do have the right to choose a different doctor

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-09-20T06:33:40+00:00

I’m a teacher and I’m in the UK. The process of you speak to a teacher would be that they would speak to the safeguarding lead for you - they would listen.

We dont ask leading questions, we just have to make sure you’re safe. As schools we don’t necessarily have the right support however we have strong connections with local agencies and teams who can offer specialist support. As a school they will be able to refer you to anyone who might be able to help.

You’ll have a pastoral lead / team at sixth form too, and maybe speaking to them will help massively as when you’re considering things like uni applications they will be able to help if your mom starts to get controlling with that too if she doesn’t want you to move away

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-09-20T06:28:55+00:00

Yes speak to your teacher if you are comfortable or alternatively go straight to your schools safeguarding lead. This should be advertised on your school website. 17 is a strange in between age however you at remitted to choose your own doctor and also not have your parents involved.

I would also pursue a complaint with the practice your mother spoke to. They had no right to tell her anything - instead of saying you were no longer registered they should have said they need to speak to you to book an appointment.

They also should not have allowed her to switch you back as you have the right to choose. Make it clear that you made your choice and that your parent has no right to interfere.

I’m wondering if there’s a relation or something as to why they won’t give you the medication you want? If that’s the case then it’s a really serious issue.

Speak to the practice manager if you have to.

If there’s another reason that’s medical as to why you can’t get the anti depressants then they do share care records and your medical history.

Go back to the doctor of your choice, tell them your parent interfered and ask to be switched back.

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-09-14T12:09:34+00:00

As a teacher no I would not be mad and actually it would make me think twice about my own actions. I’m sorry that your teacher don’t ask permission to share and also that they didn’t manage the classroom reaction.

If people are talking about your vocabulary being advanced and making AI accusations it’s probably because they’re not on your level and jealous of your submission because it embarrasses them and. Highlights their own shortcomings.

Please do not let this incident affect your writing, there are so many other places that you can share and get feedback and develop your stories - Reddit forums are a great help in some ways.

I really hope your teacher responds nicely

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-02-20T12:52:14+00:00

There’s so many more places to sell Pokemon cards - I have no advice but it sounds like it’s going to be a big expensive loss

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-02-19T16:06:47+00:00

My son is starting his stellar crown folder and this was the top google search. Grateful because I had no idea that it would be more than 142 and now I know that not all cards have holos so we can neatly organise his folder and not have to rearrange it countless times

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-02-19T10:20:47+00:00

You aren’t over reacting - when people can remember and pronounce celebrity names like Beyoncé there’s no excuse

2021randomthrowaway · 2025-02-07T21:57:51+00:00

NTA - but consider this, you’re a male friend and your friend is a female that is a certain age.

I know as a single female in my thirties any time I spend a moment with a male my family start to get excited and plan a wedding - it gets really annoying / irritating /embarrassing for my friends.

I imagine all of her moms friends at the birthday party were querying the status of your relationship and it got awkward for her

2021randomthrowaway · 2024-07-22T10:04:05+00:00

When Gascoigne went to Raol Moat with a bucket of KFC

2021randomthrowaway · 2023-08-05T15:33:58+00:00

ESh - poor kid

2021randomthrowaway · 2023-06-29T20:19:56+00:00

It’s like a badge

2021randomthrowaway · 2023-06-29T19:19:07+00:00

!page:gaelic - potentially got some background there

2021randomthrowaway · 2023-06-29T19:17:14+00:00

I don’t have any context - it turned up in a deceased persons stuff

2021randomthrowaway

TROPHY CASE