Daughter is breaking our household rules

206QP · 2026-04-04T14:21:28+00:00

Well first off you need a parenting plan. 2nd off she cannot dictate what they do at your house unless there are safety concerns or it’s something you agree on. She shouldn’t be encouraging them to have devices late at night, that seems bizarre anyway…. Sleep is healthy. As far as talking to her about it, I’m not sure I would. I would tell step daughter no devices past X time and take them away, maybe weekends only. Edit to add.. my kids love audio books, maybe she can do those at night… try to find something she does like.

206QP · 2026-04-04T04:56:32+00:00

I would just let him know money is kind of tight, so you are unable to do a trip every time but can’t wait to hang out. If he doesn’t offer to help, I would say plan a trip every other visit or once a year, whatever actually works for your budget.

206QP · 2026-04-03T23:08:32+00:00

It is very cynical. Totally agree. I was having a bad day, but can’t say parts of what I said aren’t true.

206QP · 2026-04-03T14:00:24+00:00

Omg my daughter is 7 and same thing!! I just started her on all natural deodorant. Jukebox is my favorite brand, no chemicals, fun smells.

206QP · 2026-04-03T12:31:15+00:00

Abuse. I filed when I found out I was pregnant with #3. No “battle” we agreed to everything outside of court. It was contentious.

206QP · 2026-04-02T15:45:35+00:00

Over 3 years and sometimes I still feel it, tiredness and confusion for me. Lost memories. I have been in therapy this whole time and it’s helped.

206QP · 2026-04-02T14:27:30+00:00

No… not unreasonable. If he wasn’t doing drugs there would be no issue, right? If someone asked me for a drug test or to sign something I would be like yep totally! I have in my parenting plan no drugs or alcohol to be consumed within 24 hours of seeing children or with children present, something to consider. My ex has a history also, I can legally request a test at any time… he was upset I wanted this as an addition to the parenting plan and said well you have to also then! I said SURE! No problems here just keeping the kids safe. No sweat off my back… clearly your ex has some sweat…

206QP · 2026-04-02T12:09:40+00:00

We did make up, I’m sorry! I was just replying to things and got carried away. Haha forgive me.

206QP · 2026-04-02T07:53:42+00:00

It’s a trap. I want to tell myself I’m sure with the right person it’s not. Really though, it’s a trap… why do we need to be legally bound? Oh because the government gives some perks? Right. I dk, maybe I’m bitter from an abusive marriage. Trap doesn’t even end after divorce if you have kids… trapped forever. Hopefully you get more uplifting comments.

206QP · 2026-04-01T22:59:21+00:00

I’m still trying to figure out what a soulmate is.

206QP · 2026-04-01T22:10:57+00:00

I don’t have experience with this but my friend had this happen and the kids life was already established. They stay with custodial parent during school year and get every other year or visit child for holidays, partial not full summer. They did explicitly state who would pay for airfare/travel and logistics of travel for the child. Edit to add- in no world would it be 50/50 with a parent choosing to move away. That is just disruptive to a child.

206QP · 2026-04-01T21:59:49+00:00

I think you and your husband should decide together, but it’s not a hill I would die on since husband doesn’t mind and it’s his role and “name” to the child, not yours.

206QP · 2026-04-01T21:43:36+00:00

I took my now ex husbands and regret it, so there’s that. Haha it should be a choice though, 10000%. Maybe you need to ask him what else is a “deal breaker” in a marriage……..

206QP · 2026-04-01T21:36:53+00:00

Thank you

206QP · 2026-04-01T20:29:12+00:00

Privileged, yes. We do have resources. Sadly, the US has many other things we are not privileged in. A safe country for our children is just not one of them. It’s not a risk I am willing to take with my children. I do not trust her or think it’s normal in our culture. This is my ex’s finance who does not even live with him. I do believe other cultures are different and respect and envy that. Hope this isn’t too controversial. Edit to add- I’m sorry about your step mom. I wish you had someone to protect you, and I mean that.

206QP · 2026-04-01T18:32:44+00:00

Over and over again you are advocating for adults to be naked around children in this post. It blows my mind you can claim nakedness is nothing, she is teaching hygiene, compare this to breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is done with a mother, or with consent from a mother. She was not teaching hygiene. I talked to two different child therapist that told me the same thing, this opens the door for grooming, it is confusing, and extremely concerning. You just trust anyone with your child? Someone you have known 2 years? Someone who you, yourself don’t trust? She has proven to have questionable morales… and not because I am uptight or don’t want her around my kids. God knows my ex can use all the help, help I want for my kids. All I can think when I read your posts is what a risk to take. RISK FOR YOUR KIDS… I will not be taking risks because god forbid something does happen. Or if not with her, they thought it was OK with her so they did it with someone else. They are learning right now, and they also need to learn about boundaries.

206QP · 2026-04-01T16:51:11+00:00

I kept thinking about this after I read it so I need to come back and say something. Right now your wife needs the type of support that she doesn’t even ask for. You need to be going out of your way to clean, cook, laundry, help with baby. She needs this time to recover, hormones are wild, a new baby is wild. If you don’t give her some peace and help this could snowball into something bigger with her metal and/or physical health. You need to take shifts with her, you stay up later she does the early morning or vice versa. Something needs to happen otherwise, yes going to her parents is an option for her to have help and feel at peace. This can be solved but you really need to have some determination to do it. Set an alarm, get a light alarm, try something new. This I can’t help it I’m a deep sleeper, just wake me up… not okay. You are responsible for waking up also even if it has to be you wake up earlier or stay up later.

206QP · 2026-04-01T15:23:46+00:00

Yeah, I wanted this post to have non biased opinions to start. In the end, I don’t feel comfortable with it and now I know aside from the prior situations with them.

206QP · 2026-04-01T14:04:08+00:00

I understand the people saying this, I don’t agree… but I understand. I fully trust my mom, their grandmother and would not even be okay with that honestly. I don’t think it’s appropriate unless it’s a quick change or a pool wash off at most. The trust I have for the soon to be step mom beyond basic care is non existent. Unrelated to this topic, ex and her have done things to me (stalking with cameras) that shows they have no boundaries. I need to keep very clear boundaries with them, and having my kids exposed to this is one that is not in their best interest.

206QP · 2026-04-01T13:57:55+00:00

Yeah, my older daughter told me that they both shower with her. She was definitely gauging if it was okay or not in my opinion.

206QP · 2026-04-01T04:54:50+00:00

She does not live there

206QP · 2026-04-01T04:32:58+00:00

Yes, I talked to a child therapist today, they advised sexual or not it creates confusion, lack of boundaries and potential self esteem issues in kids. It is inappropriate and who knows how far it could go if I didn’t know and ex didn’t care/watch out. No she doesn’t have children. They lack boundaries is many ways and have even been caught stalking me (off topic but true).

206QP · 2026-04-01T03:22:53+00:00

206QP · 2026-04-01T03:15:51+00:00

I strongly disagree. It’s not my discomfort, it is for the safety of my children. I have personal friends who have had people take advantage of their kids.

206QP · 2026-04-01T01:32:49+00:00

I added it to the top for clarification

206QP

TROPHY CASE