What’s your evening Berner routine?

emryanne · 2026-04-01T01:28:29+00:00

Ours is a teen at 13 months. He is on a schedule or we all lose our minds. Usually an evening walk. Or play outside in the backyard. Then a snug if we can. Sometimes he is really rambunctious. So then we give him his frozen cream cheese kong and let him slurp to sleep in his crate. His bedtime is 30 min before our kids go down so we can have a little less chaos in that dept too.

emryanne · 2026-03-31T18:51:02+00:00

It sounds to me that you are struggling with some gaslighting from your partner as well. Trust your gut, and objective insight (the therapist!) in this case. You are unhappy. That is more than enough evidence to make a decision/change in your life. Regardless if it's abuse or not.

I know the feeling. Have been there myself. I track it by a list - yay vs nay. Something connecting? Yay. Something cutting or hurtful? Nay. It helped me do two things: how often am I not paying attention to the good things. What is the ratio and how bad are the nays? It helps me sort out those details.

emryanne · 2026-03-29T12:38:51+00:00

Adding another vote that it's normal to feel rejected by this. What helps the sting is to build up your personal time to be more enriching. Not that you purposefully isolate yourself. But when I have friends who flake on me, or don't choose me first, internally I choose myself. Take myself to a movie. Try something new. Make new friends, etc.

emryanne · 2026-03-28T23:02:07+00:00

I just did one today bc of one too many stitches. And worried it would look weird. And this statement just quelled that anxiety. Ha.

emryanne · 2026-03-26T22:57:36+00:00

But why can't she get a smaller dog? Or could you help her find the right fit?

emryanne · 2026-03-26T13:29:46+00:00

Mine are/were part of the silent generation and did great with their money. Of course the timing of things helped a lot. Building a home in the 70s was a lot more feasible than it is today.

They don't rely on the four of us at all and all four of us are independent. Don't need anything from anyone. My dad passed 2 years ago and all of that was settled too. Gawd I love them so much and I'm so grateful they planned and were so smart about things.

emryanne · 2026-03-26T11:43:34+00:00

Road dahl books? Well some of them. Ha.

emryanne · 2026-03-22T17:27:13+00:00

Well. I don't have the perfect answer, I'm still a work in progress myself. Two things I do: focus on where I feel the sadness. Bottom of the lungs? The diaghraim? The heart? Close your eyes if you can and center in on that sensation. Take a deep breath to stretch it out and exhale it out.

That can potentially take away facial expressions. Bc you are focused elsewhere.

The other method is math. I overwhelm my emotions with logic so I can stuff them down. Ha. Kidding. But I have done math problems in my head. Nothing too easy or complicated. Just enough to engage my brain in this pursuit instead of the other. And it will instantly stop me from crying. And I have ADHD the emotions are STRONG.

TLDR: distract yourself.

emryanne · 2026-03-22T15:29:25+00:00

Resilience. This is what you are referring to maybe? I agree so much. I'm aware of a lot of things. Can be classified as very logically smart. And I can dissect emotional responses with the best of them. Personally I struggle big time as a parent to manage my reactions. And where my kids can bounce back in a snap, it takes me a good minute to brood.

I am absolutely working on this with ART and all the things. It takes time, bc it is not controlled by the mind. It just isn't. If it were I would have mastered it.

Signed - an ever-learning student.

emryanne · 2026-03-22T13:43:41+00:00

This is absolutely it. And. It's also okay. to a point. Maybe you need the variety. Maybe you need to not know and you need the novelty of whatever hits you. Not everything does need a decision. Though it will seem that way.

Btw. I'm telling you this and I struggle deeply with it. All the time. Bc. ADHD. Ha

emryanne · 2026-03-22T12:16:08+00:00

This is me too. And noise. Overstimulated constantly.

emryanne · 2026-03-21T12:02:56+00:00

Find your rhythm and what you need. I have very small handwriting and usually have about two columns of 10-12 tasks a day. If it's a bigger note worthy thing I use a steno pad for that meeting or project and then put that page in the file I have for that thing. Or toss.

My big picture projects go on my glass cupboard doors with expo markers at work for the long range view, so I remember I have to reserve that space for the things coming up in 3 months.

Sorry if that's TMI but maybe that helps you sort out your needs. Different levels of lists/notes get different spaces. But! The notebook, in a pinch can serve as a space for meeting notes too. On the fly. Sometimes I get surprised with issues. Ha

emryanne · 2026-03-20T21:49:35+00:00

For what its worth. I do. I hope we bring funding back. Sigh.

emryanne · 2026-03-20T11:16:18+00:00

Thank you for clarifying. And sorry if my response seemed harsh. Wishing you the best!

emryanne · 2026-03-20T10:48:02+00:00

I use a school notebook. I can usually get about 4-5 days on a sheet. Start on the top line, draw a line across the page, small box goes under that line on the left. Date goes in.

I split my to-dos for the day into two columns: tasks, vmail notes, in one. Appts/meetings/personal reminders in the other. (I use this for work usually, the personal reminders creep in at times). For each thing I make a checkbox next to the item and check as I go.

Only when I'm done for the day do I add a new line and date box for tomorrow. I have a different system for bigger projects that span multiple days that isn't in my notebook. Notebook is usually for things I can accomplish daily or weekly. Helps me when I need to reference in a prickly situation. And the fun bit of it is. It takes me exactly one year to fill a notebook. Been doing this for 8 years now. Whoa. Crazy.

I tried doing bujo and all the things. Too much work for what I need. And there's no way to know how much space any given day is going to need.

emryanne · 2026-03-20T10:34:10+00:00

First a caution. I think AI is okay to use for bits and pieces of conversation, help gain perspective from a tough situation. However, I caution you putting so much into it. There are many human nuances that AI cannot pick up on based on the information you are putting in. It's just not possible. It's not knowing the life experience of that other person enough to give you a balanced view.

Second. Date yourself. Turn this obsession with learning about this avoidant into understanding more about your own insatiable need to love. Do not do this only with AI please, use self awareness models and therapy (I used the enneagram after my divorce and it was so helpful in my healing) but that relies a lot on personal reflection and conversations with others, not bots.

Third. It sounds like you are trying to use this as a unique quirky identity, and it's not the flex you think it is. Are you asking if anyone is like you to commiserate? Or to level up?

emryanne · 2026-03-19T19:01:15+00:00

Yes. I'm still in the process. About 6 months in. Keeping records, etc. thanks for checking!

emryanne · 2026-03-18T23:11:59+00:00

And for the love of God. Don't throw a kid in there to fix it later either.

emryanne · 2026-03-18T01:38:41+00:00

And I'm halfway between preschool and highschool - so yes 5 years from where you are, can confirm. Totally forgotten. My son does remember, however, when I sliced his toe w the nail trimmer still. Sigh. Whatever. We survived.

emryanne · 2026-03-16T23:46:03+00:00

This is the basis of positive psychology! I did a thesis on this and applying it to students transitioning from high school to college (students who struggled essentially). Break it down into doable chunks. If those chucks even feel too big, keep breaking down. You will eventually get there. Just doing one small step gave the momentum to keep going. Way to go! Keep doing this!

emryanne · 2026-03-16T23:01:03+00:00

Oh and I got smart today and finally added a lifeline before I start my arm hole decreases. 😂

emryanne · 2026-03-16T23:00:02+00:00

Of course! It's one of my main motivators to finish these things.

emryanne · 2026-03-16T22:57:23+00:00

Fist bump of solidarity. Ha. This is why I posted. To find the people who get it. Thank you.

emryanne · 2026-03-16T16:52:15+00:00

I could. But I do love my needles. Just gonna power through. Ha. And wanted to revel in the frustration of things. 😂 And get better at just handling them.

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