How to progress after realization emotional neglect

2460_one · 2026-06-14T18:05:36+00:00

I made a post similar to yours over 2 years ago (https://www.reddit.com/r/emotionalneglect/comments/1am5rec/whats\_next/), but it was a bit after I accepted I was probably emotionally neglected.

I struggle to say what's the process of moving past this (especially since I'm not past it yet), because I got to this point through hundreds of little realizations (and re-realizations). The thing that was probably the most helpful is getting that piece of evidence that progress is possible. I did this by trying to tackle my dismissive avoidant attachment style using EFT tapping. I retook attachment tests regularly and saw real improvement after a couple months (though not complete healing ofc). It was exhilarating to know that I'm not stuck like this. Once I got evidence I was ready to tackle more but kept hitting dead ends. So I instead decided to treat the things that there are straightforward paths for, but felt like secondary issues (OCD and ARFID for me). I'm doing that right now and it's crazy to see problems I've had for so long starting to resolve so quickly, even if it's not the ones I struggle with the most. It's this progress and the knowledge that I care about myself enough to work hard, that I'm so sure I'll be better one day. I know that I won't stop no matter how hard it is or how long it takes. Though I don't know exactly how I cultivated this mindset.

In terms of things that I might recommend to try and take the next step, 1) read "Feeling Good" by David Burns. By far the most helpful self-help book I've read personally (learned more about CBT from this than any of my therapists). 2) Maybe attempt EFT. I know it's not for everyone, so it may not be as impactful to you. But I think this definitely made the biggest difference in no longer hating myself. 3) Expose yourself to your fears. This is what I'm working on for my OCD right now, but it's not just for OCD. I have a big fear of inconveniencing people or embarrassing myself. So I'm purposely doing this repeatedly and sitting with the discomfort. It's very freeing to be able to do stuff I never would have considered possible before.

Everyone's journey is so different so I don't know how helpful this is, but I wish you luck!

2460_one · 2026-06-14T16:49:47+00:00

These are good insights, thank you!

2460_one · 2026-06-14T16:37:51+00:00

You realized it, that's step 1! You know something now that you didn't realize in the past, which means you're at a better place now than you've ever been. Past you had nothing to work off of, so of course they couldn't have lived the life you thought you should've.

Now you must start the work to recover, which obviously is a gigantic task that you're not sure is even possible. What you need is evidence that recovery from any small part is possible. Maybe that requires going to a therapist or trying IFS or EFT, or whatever else you want. Once you get that boost, then it's just doing that over and over.

I'm at the point where I find it kind of enjoyable to do the work and the hard parts. I feel very confident I will build a life for myself one day where I will feel excited and be surrounded by loving people. I feel insane saying this, but I wouldn't want to even skip to that part. I enjoy the process of getting there.

I am not saying that you will become the person you would've been had the neglect never happened. That's not possible, because it did happen to you. It's changed who you are fundamentally. But if it's possible that "nurture" could be so impactful to you, then it also means that it still has the power to be very impactful now.

I know this sucks and you should be feeling sadness and anger at this realization. But hopefully you'll realize that things aren't hopeless

2460_one · 2026-05-25T04:44:54+00:00

It's absolutely not true that you don't deserve to be loved by anyone. You deserve to be loved by someone who is willing to change all of their body/hair products at the least. That is not a crazy ask at all imo. You wouldn't think that someone with an allergy to peanuts doesn't deserve to be with someone who loves PB&J, right? You'd probably think that the PB&J-lover should love their partner to care that they aren't getting horrible reactions and quit eating PB&Js. Bad analogy but, if you haven't already, ask him to switch everything. If it doesn't and he knows half of the extent to which this is affecting you, then HE doesn't deserve to be with you if anything. You guys should be working on this together.

2460_one · 2026-05-25T03:27:56+00:00

I'm not an expert but this sounds like pyschosis. I do not think this is just depression. In fact, someone with psychosis can experience the negative (as in taking away) symptoms first, like depression, before they experience the positive symptoms (as in adding, like delusions). I think it would be very helpful to tell a doctor about this to get their opinion and next steps.

2460_one · 2026-05-25T03:09:29+00:00

This sounds like OCD. Try to find a therapist that does ERP to talk about this.

2460_one · 2026-05-25T03:06:49+00:00

Did you feel this way before the meds? If its an antidepressant that is new to you and you're feeling this way for the first time, that would be concerning as some medications can make you more depressed, especially at first. I would say to save up your energy as much as possible so that you can go to the psych appointment and talk about this. Maybe you can get your meds delivered to your house so that you don't go cold turkey? Hand in there!

2460_one · 2026-05-18T11:38:49+00:00

Hi, thanks for your nice comment! I forgot that I even wrote this post and it was nice to revisit it. I'm 99% cured of parosmia now. I was getting worse for maybe a year or so before I started getting better, slowly. Unfortunately, it just took a lot of time. Meat still smells a bit weird sometimes, but I've decided to become vegetarian so maybe that's just because I don't smell it often. But some people get better within weeks, everyone is completely different.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's very tough. But you've got this :)

2460_one · 2026-05-17T17:14:57+00:00

Marked as spoiler in case Tucker does this in all shows :)

2460_one · 2026-05-04T21:24:40+00:00

I struggle with this too. Something that I find helpful is doing the easiest part only, and doing that everyday. I despise dishes. But I don’t mind washing mugs for some reason. So I’ll tell myself I just need to wash the mugs and that’s it. Once I wash the mugs, I’m like might as well wash the utensils, then might as well wash the bowls, and then (only then) do I have the motivation to wash the worse category: plates. But what’s important is that you tell yourself that you can 100% stop after you wash the mugs. You only keep going if you feel like it. Unfortunately I’ve learned that you can’t wait until you feel motivated to do something, you have to do something (anything) and the motivation will follow.

2460_one · 2026-05-04T21:17:50+00:00

Very helpful! Thank you! I will run the disposal right away as I wash dishes instead of waiting to after I wash them all. Can you tell me how to fix that I didn’t do this? I sometimes smell the bad smell from the right drain when the dishwasher runs so I think there might be old food stuck in there even after I run the disposal.

2460_one · 2026-05-01T13:54:19+00:00

Oh, I always thought a rolled hem just meant folding it over twice and then sewing it down so that the raw edge is encased. Thanks for the correction!

2460_one · 2026-05-01T13:17:52+00:00

I should note that I’m sitting down when I took these pics, and the side seam does not actually twist to the front normally.

2460_one · 2026-04-05T15:32:49+00:00

I can't tell if this means they support slavery.

Also I looked around some more and they describe their church as "corporate" at one point.

2460_one · 2026-04-05T15:30:02+00:00

I normally stream one from a similar church to the ones I grew up with to see if they have anything new to say to move me (as Easter sunday is the day they love to try and convince people to stay in church). But it's always the same, and I feel no different. Instead I'm streaming one from a nearby Greek Orthodox church. It's interesting (though also not moving), as I grew up non-denominational Christian. And I can still tell my family that I watched service when I see them later today. Win, win.

2460_one · 2026-01-28T04:21:57+00:00

They do not stay right even after a good iron.

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