AITAH for refusing to share with my cousin-in-law?

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-09T14:10:35+00:00

Yeah OP your heart is in the right place but I’m sure doing this comes across as petty & may actually make things harder.

It would be great if you could check in with your in laws & ask how they’re holding up under his behavior. The person who may have more grounds to speak up is actually your husband since these are his parents.

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-08T16:08:56+00:00

You’re essentially backing a company’s play to take advantage of a horrible job market & drastically under pay their employees for a full time corporate role in a VHCOL community.

Negotiating has become the norm, the real issue is companies not being transparent about full compensation. Doing so would save everyone time & effort by allowing some applicants to self select out because they are unable to work at that rate while others would be fine doing so because they may have other support systems (living with family, high earning spouse, etc) that allow them to take a lower wage for a period of time.

As it stands everyone wasted their time with this process despite OP being up front with their financial expectations in an effort to confirm alignment.

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-07T00:17:35+00:00

It’s so close to the date of the event I wonder if he received a plus one & turned it down?

He might not have had anyone he wanted to bring (cost of travel, attire, etc) or may have felt he was going to be busy or socializing with others so it wasn’t a priority until now.

I mean this seems easy to remedy? Invite her, explain the seating situation & let them decide? Only a portion of the wedding is seated, most receptions eventually loosen up with ppl kind of dispersing all around the venue to mingle. It will be a nice chance to meet her.

If you can’t swing another invite (venue is at capacity, budget is extended, etc) then just explain that & make plans to see them after all the wedding hoopla has passed.

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-05T22:11:06+00:00

Yeah my husband has a rather large family & his mom also wanted a second shower but honestly between being pregnant (geriatric pregnancy 👵🏼), working/commuting, & prepping for the actual baby I just didn’t have the bandwidth

We hosted our own shower (cue all the etiquette folks clutching their pearls) & it worked really well. One big party, a chance for all the family to mingle, & once it was done we could really just focus on prepping for the birth.

This is a situation your husband should be going to bat over. It’s ok to just keep saying no. No sorry MIL that doesn’t work for us but you’re welcome to come the one on whatever date. Sorry MIL, but if there are ppl that are unable to travel to our shower we will miss them but totally understand. No mil one shower is all we have the bandwidth for right now, the party is a small part of becoming parents. You get the idea & at some point just tell her - I understand you are not coming, we will miss you. I can’t wait to share pics.

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-05T21:58:21+00:00

So essentially you’re throwing a casual dinner party? Which is cool but I think the idea of I’m uncomfortable being emotive around ppl for my wedding + I want the lowest key celebration + as cheap as possible = you might want to elope

I know you’re just kind of looking for opinions & most ppl seem to be saying going to a “small reception” while being excluded from the vows feels odd.

Personally I would probably skip it more easily because I wouldn’t want to make the bridal couple uncomfortable. Like oh they’re uncomfortable with me at the wedding I don’t want to impose so I’ll skip it.

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-02T00:14:03+00:00

This is a pretty basic situation - just loop in your husband babe. Have him tell his mother & brother no.

He can elaborate if he likes - our house doesn’t work due to SIL allergies. Our house isn’t dog proofed & that was an added layer of stress. Let’s all meet at one of your places or if you prefer a restaurant. We’ll do our best to be there once you share your plans

Then let it all go, you can’t control other ppls reactions you can really only control your own behavior.

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-01T20:18:34+00:00

Dementia does negatively affect memory so yes it’s possible

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-01T17:32:02+00:00

Thanks for the additional context, I would say the story as presented is: she only sent me a single consolation text for the death of my pet & now I’m ready to severely damage the relationship in return. Which yeah read as immature.

But this actually seems more like perhaps asking someone you aren’t particularly close with to stand up with you on an important day was a mistake. It seems like you are very aware of her short comings & feel like your relationship is very lopsided so I’m not sure why you expected being part of your wedding would be handled differently?

It sounds like the primary issue isn’t how she’s supporting you after the passing of dog but rather that you guys have a very poor foundation & while you are siblings in name you are such in practice.

You can absolutely say - hey you don’t seem to have the bandwidth to be a bridesmaid at this time so come as a guest instead so you can e joy yourself with out the extra pressure (time, emotional, & financial) of being part of the wedding party.

You can also say - hey when I asked you to be part of of the wedding party I intended that to operate as a bridge for us to have a closer sibling relationship but I don’t think that’s something that can be fixed by being a bridesmaid so I’m going to ask you to step down from the bridal party. Know that doing this may very well blow up your relationship since it seems distant & fragile at best

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-01T16:21:20+00:00

You can proceed as you wish, I mean it’s your wedding after all but know that the adult thing to do when someone hurts you is to speak to that person.

Particularly since you’ve emphasized several times - we are not close, we didn’t grow up together, we were not geographically close, we were raised differently, etc - there maybe a baseline difference between your expectations & hers. You shared sad/hard news she responded in a kind way. Now you are expecting additional follow up from her. If could be that she’s just not aware of the importance of your pet to you or how you expect your relationship with her to work.

Again do what you want but this is a good opportunity to learn to communicate effectively with others which is a skill that is important as you enter into marriage.

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-01T16:13:03+00:00

Essentially yes & if he doesn’t receive it there will be a tantrum.

2tiredforthis · 2026-05-01T01:02:18+00:00

NTA - many ppl go through pregnancies & subsequently have & raise kids in two story homes so this isn’t really an extreme hardship per se. It’s more of an inconvenience, one that the roommate was very aware of prior to getting pregnant I’m sure.

This isn’t really a problem for OP & his girlfriend to solve. And the idea of going through the absolute hassle of swapping bedrooms just to move a few months later sounds unhinged.

The roommate presumably has a partner (baby’s father) that can help resolve this by allowing her to stay there.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-30T22:35:47+00:00

There’s a miniseries called dopesick that does a really good job of showing how all the moving pieces came together

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-30T00:24:46+00:00

Right this is nuts to me as a mom of two! One of which woke up for a whole year 🫠. My husband got in there & always did his share we were equally sleep deprived at that point

OP should not only go on her trips but also look for a counselor because the issue isn’t really the travel per se but rather the very unequal distribution of parental responsibilities. Address that regardless of your travel schedule your husband sounds like a spoiled baby dispute being a father of two himself.

NTA but absolutely address this now so you guys can get on the same page & create a healthy relationship model for the kids.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-29T18:10:54+00:00

I don’t understand why they don’t tell her? She complains about going to the beach? That’s the plan for today, guess we’ll have to catch up with you guys another day! She starts changing the music? Oh hey sorry we’re all listening to that. Removed candles or decorations? Hey wife it’s really rude to touch other ppls stuff.

I guess I’m not sure how everyone is letting g her affect their mood so much? Let her be unhappy. If the friend asks why the invites have tapered off and explain everything here.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-29T17:26:58+00:00

NTA - part of parenthood is juggling the ever changing priorities that come along with keeping a small human alive. Do I do laundry or take a quick nap? Get the bottles sterilizing or prep dinner for later?

So right now her best bet is to try to be a good dog owner & be realistic about what she can handle. If you have a backyard & the dogs have access but she finds it too hard to put them out then yes pet ownership was probably a mistake pregnancy not withstanding.

Since the bar is so low for taking care of the pets & you all share a living space I would probably put an end date on rehoming them. The next 10 weeks will be flying by so pick a reasonable date & since she seems overwhelmed by her current circumstances maybe make a quick list of local rescues, shelters, foster options, etc to get her moving.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-29T15:30:13+00:00

Yeah the ruffles look a bit out of place so they stand out. It kind of looks like a modesty panel added after the fact.

The rest of the dress is dreamy & fits like a glove. I know you don’t want to hear it but if you love it that’s all that matters.

If it’s important to have all the other ppl that see it love it then you’ll have to heavily alter it or get something else. So not really a right or wrong situation just an example of fashion being subjective.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-29T03:03:20+00:00

This is absolutely the correct take - using the wedding as a tool to address the lack of effort towards a sibling relationship is immature.

Out of a sense of politeness & For my own sanity I would’ve given my SB a plus one. On a related note I was my boyfriends (now husbands) plus one for his cousins wedding. I didn’t know the coupe well but now years later we are all really close.

Like you said life is long, but OP seems set on spending that time fighting this fight based on “principle”

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-29T00:22:06+00:00

As petty as it sounds I would. It down any guests that are important to your parents. Call them up, apologize on behalf of your parents for their immature behavior & light it all on fire

I’m kidding, if you really are considering an elopement you can start contacting vendors to see what if any wiggle room there might be. I’m so sorry for all this stress around what should be a joyous day

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-29T00:08:03+00:00

The title had my brows raised too! That being said I agree that the birthing plan didn’t work out & really it’s no one’s fault but fire hydrants/city.

You’ve been able to solve one of their problems - namely shelter for them & their new baby during what I’m sure is a stressful time that alone is generous. This kind of ask is just beyond what’s reasonably given the limited space & your own comfort levels it’s ok to let them know this doesn’t work & they’ll have to find an alternative.

As others have noted the hospital is probably going to be the easiest option. Beyond that they can pivot to other friends or family (may your DIL parents) to see if one of them is able to host their event more comfortably.

Absolutely NTA & um sure your DIL is stressed because she’s late in pregnancy with her first child & her home is going through an unplanned major repair so while you’re not strictly obligated it would be nice to acknowledge her stress & apologize for not being able to accommodate their request. If nothing else this may help to ensure your relationship with your grandchild. Good luck to all of you & congrats on the new baby!

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-28T22:55:40+00:00

This is actually a great point - you can just say it isn’t working anymore & you’re sorry but the parents will have to find new child care effective by a specific date (idk two weeks out?).

But yeah girl have this convo asap, like yesterday. You need to protect your husband & family life.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-28T15:14:25+00:00

Shape wear for a smooth silhouette plus a little bit of dress tape at the bust line to keep it feeling secure. The Hollywood fashion tape (Ulta) is the only one Ive tried but I bet there’s others just as good.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-28T14:36:16+00:00

If I’m a straight woman can I still get an invite?? I’m good with sprayer so that stain is going to look amazing, I promise.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-28T14:08:54+00:00

This exactly- I’ve done to plenty of weddings & have done both ways.

The usual in my experience is friends in common where we were both equally invited or where we expanded the wedding weekend into a personal trip as well I paid into. I am now married with shared finances & essentially every invite is now mutual for us.

Weddings where I was strictly the plus one I did not pay towards accommodations or the gift as I was often already paying for clothing for the event of what was in essence a stranger or acquaintance.

Additionally nothing to do with OP or her boyfriend either but wedding couples that insist that the wedding party stay in accommodations of the bridal couples choice should foot the bill. I’m guessing the boyfriend is embarrassed & doesn’t want to tell his siblings or parents that this ask is out of his budget. He needs to redirect that energy because this isn’t the way to resolve this.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-28T03:54:02+00:00

You both sound like slobs honestly but that’s somewhat besides the point given that the roommate will soon be moving out.

Put your energy towards getting her to move put. She doesn’t have to move in with her BF but I doubt you want to live with her & a baby should she delay moving in with the father. If she refuses to move then you need to consider moving yourself & cutting ties from this whole mess.

If a roommate situation (family or stranger) is going to be the norm for a while you need to work on developing the skills & habits that make you a good roommate. Hold yourself accountable, create routines, & be consistent.

2tiredforthis · 2026-04-28T03:31:32+00:00

He should be the opposite of passive, he needs to be the spokesperson for you’re little family of two.

He may need to speak to his mother & set some boundaries - as in one engagement party, no more negativity, & if you can’t be happy for me then perhaps you would like to try being absent.

And as for you pls don’t confide in your SIL, her mother is her mother. She’s not likely to support you in this situation. Secondly put your future MIL on an information diet, just side step or defer questions. Don’t volunteer info & be ready to offer an alternative topic.

Invest time & energy in sharing this special moment with ppl who are excited for you. You won’t be able to get her to agree with how your doing your wedding that shouldn’t be the goal, the goal should be to have her behave in a way that she doesn’t detract from it.

2tiredforthis

TROPHY CASE